Honestly, what's the point?

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Kira

✮.·.☆ Gelfling ☆.·.✮
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#1
Firstly, I've posted in this section as I don't want any advice or to hear any well meaning suggestions. I know people here care but there's honestly nothing anyone can do for me.

So, I've been meaning to do a Safety Plan for a really long time and thought about doing it today but then I realised, "What's the point"?

No one here can help me in the way that I truly need help. Sure people can say nice things and show that they care (which I know they do) but that's not enough unfortunately to keep me going. It also doesn't help that I get overwhelmed when people reach out, say nice things and show that they do care as it's nothing I've ever experienced my whole life. Therefore, I retract. I withdraw from all attention and end up feeling like a rude and ungrateful bitch.

It's ridiculous being on a support forum when I can't reach out for help. I don't want the attention. I don't want any attention really. I just want to blend into the background. I want to belong but not be noticed.

So, the Safety Plan. What's the point? No one can do anything or say anything. There's even less of a reason to do one for "real life" as I have literally no one. I have my teenage son (thank God) but that's it and there's only so much that he can listen to or understand.

I don't work due to mental and physical issues. (I'm on a disability pension) So, I'm basically a hermit. I'm not a contributing member of society and I'm not accountable to anyone. The phone never rings. I checked my phone log and I've had 2 personal telephone conversations this year. One with my ex-husband and one with my ex-mother in law. They were both at the beginning of the year. There's honestly no one.

The loneliness is crippling. Having no one to speak to is soul destroying. Not just to discuss the bad times, but the good times and everything in between too. Oh, for fucks sake, it's called a conversation! I honestly can't remember the last time I had an adult conversation either on the phone or in person.

I must admit that I made a "friend" earlier in the year but that was just a big bloody mistake. We clearly had very different ideas of what a friendship is so it was most likely doomed from the start. It hurt like a bitch but atleast I tried, huh?

So, again, the Safety Plan? I see no logical reason for it. I'm not going to kill myself as I don't actually want to die but life is debilitating at the moment. I just wish I had someone to talk to. Internet is great but it's not the same as real life. I need a voice to listen to. To hear. To communicate. To feel real. It doesn't matter what gets discussed as it's the point of having that real time connection. To hear the tone in someone's voice, the sigh or giggle. Anything. Everything.

Sorry, I'm aching and dying inside and I just had to get it out. I've discussed this very issue with myself a million times and it's getting old.

I don't know what the point of this thread is other than to vent. Let it out. It's very therapeutic and has helped a little for now atleast.

If you got this far, thanks for reading. I don't need advice. I just needed to talk.
 
#3
I'm sorry that happened to you. It is a horrible thing to experience. Once a week I get a text message reminding me that I am required to use the phone at least once a week for the service to remain active, so I call the local home improvement store when it's closed and let the recording of their business hours play. I hope things will get better for you somehow.
 

Sunspots

。◕‿◕。 SF Smiler 。◕‿◕。
Staff member
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#7
I'm sorry. It's shit. We understand.
It's strange how the most interaction we get is from a screen, reading the words of people we're never likely to meet.

If I lived close to you, I'd come round and talk about all kinds of random stuff with you.

Safety plans? I think for some people they're a really valuable tool. For me? I've written one. I even refer back to it when I'm feeling particularly bad. But I still find it impossible to follow my own advice in it o_O
 

Kira

✮.·.☆ Gelfling ☆.·.✮
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#10
I honestly don't fully understand what 'the point' means. Can you help me?
Are you serious??? Are you drunk???

What the Hell does it matter what my definition of "the point" is?!?

I'm hanging on by a thread atm. I'm a fucking hurting, crying mess right now and honestly, you're not helping the situation. I just needed to vent! To scream! To have a meltdown! I never, ever do that... I just really needed to get this off my chest. This is the frickin' Empathy and Compassion forum after all! It's not ask 20 questions!

Forget it! Forget "the point" Forget it all.

Sorry, HEM, I really like you but please don't push my buttons with ridiculous questions when I'm a frickin' mess.

Just forget I spoke. Forget I posted. I won't make that mistake again.

Thanks to everyone else for your kind words. I appreciate it.
 

HumanExMachina

SF Artist
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#11
Are you serious??? Are you drunk???

What the Hell does it matter what my definition of "the point" is?!?

I'm hanging on by a thread atm. I'm a fucking hurting, crying mess right now and honestly, you're not helping the situation. I just needed to vent! To scream! To have a meltdown! I never, ever do that... I just really needed to get this off my chest. This is the frickin' Empathy and Compassion forum after all! It's not ask 20 questions!

Forget it! Forget "the point" Forget it all.

Sorry, HEM, I really like you but please don't push my buttons with ridiculous questions when I'm a frickin' mess.

Just forget I spoke. Forget I posted. I won't make that mistake again.

Thanks to everyone else for your kind words. I appreciate it.
I'm so sorry kira. My intention wasn't to push your buttons. If you ever want to talk about those buttons, please let me know.
 

Walker

Admin-a-monkey
Staff member
ADMIN
SF Social Media
SF Supporter
#13
Hey, guys, everyone be respectful and kind with each other. I don't think @HumanExMachina was trying to poke you, @Kira and you're posting where you just want someone to say you're being heard and understood so it's not the place for questions and things to be difficult. Sorry that you guys are missing each other at the moment - sometimes that just happens.
 
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