Firstly, I've posted in this section as I don't want any advice or to hear any well meaning suggestions. I know people here care but there's honestly nothing anyone can do for me.
So, I've been meaning to do a Safety Plan for a really long time and thought about doing it today but then I realised, "What's the point"?
No one here can help me in the way that I truly need help. Sure people can say nice things and show that they care (which I know they do) but that's not enough unfortunately to keep me going. It also doesn't help that I get overwhelmed when people reach out, say nice things and show that they do care as it's nothing I've ever experienced my whole life. Therefore, I retract. I withdraw from all attention and end up feeling like a rude and ungrateful bitch.
It's ridiculous being on a support forum when I can't reach out for help. I don't want the attention. I don't want any attention really. I just want to blend into the background. I want to belong but not be noticed.
So, the Safety Plan. What's the point? No one can do anything or say anything. There's even less of a reason to do one for "real life" as I have literally no one. I have my teenage son (thank God) but that's it and there's only so much that he can listen to or understand.
I don't work due to mental and physical issues. (I'm on a disability pension) So, I'm basically a hermit. I'm not a contributing member of society and I'm not accountable to anyone. The phone never rings. I checked my phone log and I've had 2 personal telephone conversations this year. One with my ex-husband and one with my ex-mother in law. They were both at the beginning of the year. There's honestly no one.
The loneliness is crippling. Having no one to speak to is soul destroying. Not just to discuss the bad times, but the good times and everything in between too. Oh, for fucks sake, it's called a conversation! I honestly can't remember the last time I had an adult conversation either on the phone or in person.
I must admit that I made a "friend" earlier in the year but that was just a big bloody mistake. We clearly had very different ideas of what a friendship is so it was most likely doomed from the start. It hurt like a bitch but atleast I tried, huh?
So, again, the Safety Plan? I see no logical reason for it. I'm not going to kill myself as I don't actually want to die but life is debilitating at the moment. I just wish I had someone to talk to. Internet is great but it's not the same as real life. I need a voice to listen to. To hear. To communicate. To feel real. It doesn't matter what gets discussed as it's the point of having that real time connection. To hear the tone in someone's voice, the sigh or giggle. Anything. Everything.
Sorry, I'm aching and dying inside and I just had to get it out. I've discussed this very issue with myself a million times and it's getting old.
I don't know what the point of this thread is other than to vent. Let it out. It's very therapeutic and has helped a little for now atleast.
If you got this far, thanks for reading. I don't need advice. I just needed to talk.
So, I've been meaning to do a Safety Plan for a really long time and thought about doing it today but then I realised, "What's the point"?
No one here can help me in the way that I truly need help. Sure people can say nice things and show that they care (which I know they do) but that's not enough unfortunately to keep me going. It also doesn't help that I get overwhelmed when people reach out, say nice things and show that they do care as it's nothing I've ever experienced my whole life. Therefore, I retract. I withdraw from all attention and end up feeling like a rude and ungrateful bitch.
It's ridiculous being on a support forum when I can't reach out for help. I don't want the attention. I don't want any attention really. I just want to blend into the background. I want to belong but not be noticed.
So, the Safety Plan. What's the point? No one can do anything or say anything. There's even less of a reason to do one for "real life" as I have literally no one. I have my teenage son (thank God) but that's it and there's only so much that he can listen to or understand.
I don't work due to mental and physical issues. (I'm on a disability pension) So, I'm basically a hermit. I'm not a contributing member of society and I'm not accountable to anyone. The phone never rings. I checked my phone log and I've had 2 personal telephone conversations this year. One with my ex-husband and one with my ex-mother in law. They were both at the beginning of the year. There's honestly no one.
The loneliness is crippling. Having no one to speak to is soul destroying. Not just to discuss the bad times, but the good times and everything in between too. Oh, for fucks sake, it's called a conversation! I honestly can't remember the last time I had an adult conversation either on the phone or in person.
I must admit that I made a "friend" earlier in the year but that was just a big bloody mistake. We clearly had very different ideas of what a friendship is so it was most likely doomed from the start. It hurt like a bitch but atleast I tried, huh?
So, again, the Safety Plan? I see no logical reason for it. I'm not going to kill myself as I don't actually want to die but life is debilitating at the moment. I just wish I had someone to talk to. Internet is great but it's not the same as real life. I need a voice to listen to. To hear. To communicate. To feel real. It doesn't matter what gets discussed as it's the point of having that real time connection. To hear the tone in someone's voice, the sigh or giggle. Anything. Everything.
Sorry, I'm aching and dying inside and I just had to get it out. I've discussed this very issue with myself a million times and it's getting old.
I don't know what the point of this thread is other than to vent. Let it out. It's very therapeutic and has helped a little for now atleast.
If you got this far, thanks for reading. I don't need advice. I just needed to talk.
