How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[1964dodge]

Work is a ghost town this week. Trying to keep busy but I might give up this afternoon. I have to be available for work this week but no one else has to. Good thing I’m working remotely this week! I will probably be on SF most of this week.

it is always a pleasure to see you here

mike...

 

[Bergerac]

Reflecting on the past, knowing I now need to draw a line, and move onto something else.

 

[Windhover]

A little better atm.

hugs

 

[Livelife]

This is an especially bad time of year for me, the holiday decorations now up and everywhere and being alone severely intensifies the pull to not be here any longer.

 

[Baywasp]

Kinda sad. Idk.

 

[Lane]

Trying hard to get out of my weekend withdrawal from the world. Not because I even wanted to, just because I'm getting older and had no plans. Also trying not to have hard feelings at work, where some of us are given more responsibility for less or same pay rate. It adds to the stress which I'm not willing to endure for the peanuts they pay. I got in a very bad frame of mind this weekend but going to try to get out of the slump. Always trying to manage the depression monster that I've had for 30 years now. And to those here that are suffering, I hope it's not taking over.

 

[1964dodge]

Sorry to hear you're in pain Mike although this was a couple of days ago. I do hope you keep fighting. You're one of the strongest people I know.

thank you i am much better today. besides without the bad days i couldn't possibly enjoy and appreciate the good days

mike...

 

[1964dodge]

Kinda sad. Idk.

 

[1964dodge]

A little better atm.

hugs

 

[1964dodge]

This is an especially bad time of year for me, the holiday decorations now up and everywhere and being alone severely intensifies the pull to not be here any longer.

the holidays can be stressful for people that are alone. there are ways people that are alone can combat these terrible feelings. around the holidays you are going to have to see holiday decorations and music. one way would be to try to avoid any of it, that of course wouldn't be practical or healthy.

the other way is try hard to get into the holiday mood. embrace signs of the holiday. it would help to have coffee more often with friends and aquatances. try writing christmas cards to people you know. i'm pretty sure you know how to bake, try baking christmas cookies and bring them to a senior center or nursing home. don't laugh but a good christmas hat helps, my wife has one with lights for when she rings the bell for the salvation army. i am pretty sure if you baked cookies for seniors it would make their day. if you can help someplace i'm sure you'd feel less alone

mike....

 

[1964dodge]

A little better atm.

hugs

i am happy you are a bit better.

mike....

 

[Searchingforhope]

I was back in work today after a week off last week. I thought I was doing a bit better, but today was hard. On my way home now and I’m exhausted.

 

[Searchingforhope]

Trying hard to get out of my weekend withdrawal from the world. Not because I even wanted to, just because I'm getting older and had no plans. Also trying not to have hard feelings at work, where some of us are given more responsibility for less or same pay rate. It adds to the stress which I'm not willing to endure for the peanuts they pay. I got in a very bad frame of mind this weekend but going to try to get out of the slump. Always trying to manage the depression monster that I've had for 30 years now. And to those here that are suffering, I hope it's not taking over.

Getting out of that slump is tough. I hope you’re able to find something that will help drag you up at this time.

 

[Searchingforhope]

I'm hurting, and troubled

The holidays are a time that my wife delighted in, especially cooking for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I remember our first Thanksgiving was actually several weeks early, we had finally met (after a long distance involvement) but we wouldn't be together for the official day. Watching her prepare a full meal, barefoot in her studio apartment, a floor-length skirt, both of us glowing to be with each other. She cut up big chunks of cheese, and used impossible amounts of butter in her oven-baked macaroni and cheese casserole. We had ham, and greens, and Hawaiian rolls, everything, just for the two of us. Pumpkin pie, maybe apple, too. We both knew something serious was happening. A little over a month later, we had our first apartment.
That next Thanksgiving, we'd been living together almost a year at that time, choosing to start in a city that was new for both of us. Again the homemade mac and cheese, scalloped potatoes, greens, Hawaiian rolls, this time a turkey, too. Stuffing, sparkling juice instead of wine. Desserts.
And the next ones, in our permanent home, although they were so similar that they've become one memory. I wish I could remember more of them, over our 14 years together.
I'm finding the anger, frustration, loneliness are back strong, after I'd reached a state of acceptance for awhile. Someone at her funeral told me I'd been cheated, and I think that's true. It's times like this I think about giving the big Fuck You to the universe, there's no more work for me here, and I'm tempted to leave early.
I won't, but sometimes it seems like an attractive option, again.

peace

Sending love and hugs your way @1Lefty Grief is never linear, but it is infuriating when it feels like you’ve got to an ok place only for the waves to come back and flood you all over again.
The holidays are tough.
it’s been many years since my husband died and we never actually got to spend a Christmas together. Still hurts to wonder what life might have looked life, and can empathise with the feeling of being cheated.

 

[Astrid78]

I'm hurting, and troubled

The holidays are a time that my wife delighted in, especially cooking for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I remember our first Thanksgiving was actually several weeks early, we had finally met (after a long distance involvement) but we wouldn't be together for the official day. Watching her prepare a full meal, barefoot in her studio apartment, a floor-length skirt, both of us glowing to be with each other. She cut up big chunks of cheese, and used impossible amounts of butter in her oven-baked macaroni and cheese casserole. We had ham, and greens, and Hawaiian rolls, everything, just for the two of us. Pumpkin pie, maybe apple, too. We both knew something serious was happening. A little over a month later, we had our first apartment.
That next Thanksgiving, we'd been living together almost a year at that time, choosing to start in a city that was new for both of us. Again the homemade mac and cheese, scalloped potatoes, greens, Hawaiian rolls, this time a turkey, too. Stuffing, sparkling juice instead of wine. Desserts.
And the next ones, in our permanent home, although they were so similar that they've become one memory. I wish I could remember more of them, over our 14 years together.
I'm finding the anger, frustration, loneliness are back strong, after I'd reached a state of acceptance for awhile. Someone at her funeral told me I'd been cheated, and I think that's true. It's times like this I think about giving the big Fuck You to the universe, there's no more work for me here, and I'm tempted to leave early.
I won't, but sometimes it seems like an attractive option, again.

peace

Hugs @1Lefty

 

[Lane]

This is an especially bad time of year for me, the holiday decorations now up and everywhere and being alone severely intensifies the pull to not be here any longer.

 

[Lane]

I was back in work today after a week off last week. I thought I was doing a bit better, but today was hard. On my way home now and I’m exhausted.

I think you should give yourself credit for going back to work. Sorry to hear it was hard though. Hopefully you can get some rest.

 

[1964dodge]

still doing well

mike

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

This is an especially bad time of year for me, the holiday decorations now up and everywhere and being alone severely intensifies the pull to not be here any longer.

I'm so sorry to hear this. I find them soothing - especially the lights. I like the idea of lights at the darkest time of year. In my new city we have a great nonprofit organization that does dinners for seniors once a week, including a Christmas dinner. Would there be anything like that where you live? I plan to start volunteering with the organization (not specifically the dinners) once I have a vehicle.

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

I'm hurting, and troubled

The holidays are a time that my wife delighted in, especially cooking for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I remember our first Thanksgiving was actually several weeks early, we had finally met (after a long distance involvement) but we wouldn't be together for the official day. Watching her prepare a full meal, barefoot in her studio apartment, a floor-length skirt, both of us glowing to be with each other. She cut up big chunks of cheese, and used impossible amounts of butter in her oven-baked macaroni and cheese casserole. We had ham, and greens, and Hawaiian rolls, everything, just for the two of us. Pumpkin pie, maybe apple, too. We both knew something serious was happening. A little over a month later, we had our first apartment.
That next Thanksgiving, we'd been living together almost a year at that time, choosing to start in a city that was new for both of us. Again the homemade mac and cheese, scalloped potatoes, greens, Hawaiian rolls, this time a turkey, too. Stuffing, sparkling juice instead of wine. Desserts.
And the next ones, in our permanent home, although they were so similar that they've become one memory. I wish I could remember more of them, over our 14 years together.
I'm finding the anger, frustration, loneliness are back strong, after I'd reached a state of acceptance for awhile. Someone at her funeral told me I'd been cheated, and I think that's true. It's times like this I think about giving the big Fuck You to the universe, there's no more work for me here, and I'm tempted to leave early.
I won't, but sometimes it seems like an attractive option, again.

peace

Those are wonderful memories and I wish it wasn't painful for you. It is one of the cruellest things to lose a beloved spouse and I hope you see her again one day. Sometimes it comforts me to think of things still existing on the space-time continuum even though we can no longer access these events. I was an atheist for a long time so maybe that's why I think of it like that. I watched a female NASA physicist on YouTube talking about losing her husband who was also a physicist. - I think the title of the video was something like "Losing the one you can't live without." Really good talk she gave.