How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[AvidFan]

@AvidFan Did you get some sleep?

Thank you for asking. I came here to update. After being wide awake for literally 36 hours, I didn't fall asleep as fast as I thought I would/used to after such stints (when I was a student I'd party then just stay up until the next night or do double study all nighters where I would be awake for 2 days straight reading books or writing essays - the joys and faculties of youth!). I did fall asleep after about an hour of wondering if I was in for another night of insomnia hell, and woke up after 7 hours, managed to doze off a little bit, but it was all better than nothing. Hopefully I can catch up further over the next few nights. I feel relatively OK. Just on my first coffee. I love my coffee first thing ❤️

 

[AvidFan]

dismal, questioning almost every thing I've ever said or done

😦😢

 

[AvidFan]

Someone above me says this questioning is good but ugh no one wants to play this stuff over and over like that. I don't find anything really works well for this but plain old distraction. Cause we can replay that stuff for 20 hours a day but it doesn't change anything at all. All we can do is move ahead. Brains don't know that though, do they?

Brains are amazing and stupid at the same time. We have the ability plan for the future and do amazing things like build houses and bridges and AI and most of us carry a computer around that 20 years ago would have been pure science fiction. We've gone from scraping 2 bits of rock together and lashing branches together with vines, to amazing technologies. At the same time there are some serious flaws - one thing the developers left out is the ability to distinguish between helpful planning and worry, along with the ability for the planning subroutines to tell the difference between the past and the future. So our brains not only frantically try to plan things completely out of our control in the future (worry and anxiety) but also try to plan and change the past by going over and over it and wishing it were different, trying to change it when it can't be changed. Well, unless we invent time travel but that would bring a whole new load of worries along! 🤷‍♂️

 

[AvidFan]

I just feel really sick like I have a really high fever, but I don’t. I just joined a forum to get help with the intentions I have to take my own life, so I think the stress of where I currently am in life is doing this.

I’m deeply in love with one of my best friends but she’s married (very unhappily though). I’m feeling too sick to go into detail, but I’ll just say that I’ve reached the point of believing that committing suicide would be a tremendous act of self-compassion. [mod edit - methods] [mod edit - timeline].

Anyway, though the thought of death brings me an incredible amount of peace, I suppose some part of me still wants to continue living otherwise I wouldn’t be here. But after 40+ years of having plenty of anonymous sex, yet never having had the pleasure of experiencing another human being return my love or affection, I just don’t think I can take much more loneliness and perpetual heartbreak.

So IDK. I’m going to bed now but I’ll probably return here tomorrow. [mod edit - timeline] We’ll see.

With that said, my heart truly goes out to each and every one of you who is reading this and in as much as pain as I am.

Sorry to hear of your loneliness. I hope you are OK.

 

[AvidFan]

Thanks @1964dodge. It has. I'm doing ok today.

'
🙌

 

[AvidFan]

I am feeling relaxed. Must have had some deep sleep, my app recorded 2 hrs 30 deep sleep which is on the high side for me (sometimes I only get 45 mins!). I have been planning some light strategies to get on top of the housework and admin, and also make my work a little less onerous, by switching to some lower paid but easier projects which don't quite twist my brain as much and could be fun.

 

[AvidFan]

In fact I feel really good. Maybe it's the sleep 🤷‍♂️

 

[cymbele]

I'm on a suicide forum feeling good. I was a bit lonely yesterday and maybe more so today but otherwise I am happy with my life. Sure it can be lonely and I lack a significant other but otherwise I am good.
Why stay here and post and check up with others? I think I have figured out that you all are my virtual friends and I care for each and every one.
I haven't had suicide ideation for a while. Although some posts from others, especially the new people who are in such pain, tend to trigger me. I know if I stopped my meds I would be in the hospital so I don't as long as I can afford them.

Thanks to all for being supportive through the years. I know I'm lucky in a lot of things but this forum has been one of the main reasons.

 

[Lane]

very sad because my male chihuahua passed away last night. the other animals notice and are acting upset as well. my wife and i adopted them when they were 9 and they are almost 16 years old now. they were brother and sister and very close.

i am very fortunate for the kids i have. i told my son late last night and this morning he called with options. we could go 15 miles for $40 or a place picks him up for @160. i chose the expensve one. a nice lady picked him up in a beautiful basket and left a pamphlet on grief from losing a pet.. she was very kind and full of empathy. he will be creamated and the ashes placed over a field. my wife and i are not taking this well. i ordered kfc and dq shakes to make my wife feel better


mike

I'm very sorry for the loss of your fur baby Mike to you and your family. I hope your wife feels better soon.

 

[puffymilk]

Headache is getting a bit better now. And whaddaya know I have stomachache now (because of stress & anxiety). Cool.

 

[AvidFan]

I'm on a suicide forum feeling good. I was a bit lonely yesterday and maybe more so today but otherwise I am happy with my life. Sure it can be lonely and I lack a significant other but otherwise I am good.
Why stay here and post and check up with others? I think I have figured out that you all are my virtual friends and I care for each and every one.
I haven't had suicide ideation for a while. Although some posts from others, especially the new people who are in such pain, tend to trigger me. I know if I stopped my meds I would be in the hospital so I don't as long as I can afford them.

Thanks to all for being supportive through the years. I know I'm lucky in a lot of things but this forum has been one of the main reasons.

I feel the same, I have my moments but generally lately I have been doing well and have rarely been in the state that drew me to the forum in the first place (if anyone reads this - things CAN change!). I just don't want to lose all the little connections I have made on here and who knows, maybe sometimes when I have time I can say something that makes a difference to someone. I also lack a significant other (apart from myself, I make a good self-companion!) but I've made my peace with that a long time ago and most of the time quite like it. I hope you continue to feel good!

 

[AvidFan]

I feel pretty good, just back from a 9 mile jog through the woods so got my fix of sun, trees, birds, dogs, mud and endorphins. Now I'm going to shower and be a couch potato.

 

[seabird]

Someone above me says this questioning is good but ugh no one wants to play this stuff over and over like that. I don't find anything really works well for this but plain old distraction. Cause we can replay that stuff for 20 hours a day but it doesn't change anything at all. All we can do is move ahead. Brains don't know that though, do they?

I agree. It's now gone past bearable into h*llacious territory. I/my brain has been replaying some events from my life, for way too many hours, days, weeks, and months. I need to move ahead or I'm going to lose my sanity. Thanks @Walker. Distractions atm are, reading, I'm running - but maybe it's not enough mileage, and planning travel. I urgently need my weird brand of sanity back and a sense of hope.

 

[SillyOldBear]

Poorly

 

[1964dodge]

Thanks @1964dodge. It has. I'm doing ok today.

that is good news

mike....

 

[1964dodge]

This thread goes so far in telling us about him so now hundreds - or eventually thousands! of people will read about Buddy and his car rides with you guys, see his picture and smile. I think that's a pretty nice thing. He was lucky to have you.

thank you @Walker

mike....

 

[1964dodge]

Not that good

hope things get better by tomorrow

mike....

 

[1964dodge]

Poorly

i hope you feel better soon

mike...

 

[1964dodge]

I'm very sorry for the loss of your fur baby Mike to you and your family. I hope your wife feels better soon. View attachment 66949

thank you @Lane that is very sweet and that pic was felt in my heart

mike.....

 

[1964dodge]

Headache is getting a bit better now. And whaddaya know I have stomachache now (because of stress & anxiety). Cool.

i'm sorry, i hope you feel better soon

mike....