How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[TragicReality]

I'm getting panicky. I got a prescription for my depression and anxiety pills straight from the doctor on Monday. Pharmacy said they needed ''specific'' of it, I didn't understand. This is now almost Thursday. The pharmacy didn't let me know they were ready early enough to get there today. Anxiety is and mostly has been a huge problem for me, I doubt I'll sleep. I'll just lay here maybe listen to music.

 

[maybeicanheal]

Well, weird day.
My prior diagnosis of OCD was updated to OCD with no insight/OCD with psychotic features and I'm really struggling to process this. I wish I had known I was having a psychotic episode. It doesn't excuse my behavior and it doesn't make anything I did okay, but there were big red flags and clues that I totally missed in myself. I wish people could understand just how delusional I truly was. I feel...kind of lucky to be here today, as strange as it is to say that.

 

[Windhover]

I'm getting panicky. I got a prescription for my depression and anxiety pills straight from the doctor on Monday. Pharmacy said they needed ''specific'' of it, I didn't understand. This is now almost Thursday. The pharmacy didn't let me know they were ready early enough to get there today. Anxiety is and mostly has been a huge problem for me, I doubt I'll sleep. I'll just lay here maybe listen to music.

Hope you can turn the lights off and really relax, if not sleep. Anxiety is the worst, sneaky and persistent sometimes when you don't even realize it's there.

 

[Windhover]

We're glad you're here @maybeicanheal. I hope the struggle to process the diagnosis turns into more of a helpful, insightful, bunch of information, and that you have irl support. You're not alone when you're here.

 

[Lane]

Mixed
I am going to be moving, and living under another person's roof. That alleviates some financial pressure, and housing insecurity, but I'm afraid of becoming dependent. It's a romantic relationship...........

peace

Good luck with your move Lefty. I hope things go well in your new situation.

 

[Lane]

Feeble and depleted, and it had to be now of all times after I had just began a treatment that might actually help with my depression.

good luck with the new treatment.sorry to hear that your not feeling well. I hope that turns around for you.

 

[AvidFan]

Mixed
I am going to be moving, and living under another person's roof. That alleviates some financial pressure, and housing insecurity, but I'm afraid of becoming dependent. It's a romantic relationship...........

peace

I wish you the very best with this move and relationship ❤️❤️❤️

 

[AvidFan]

I am up and about. I took a benzo for the first time in months last night to try to get a deep restorative sleep. I slept from 12.30am to 3.30am. Managed to keep going back to sleep but kept waking up randomly, was able to doze until a respectable hour. Just need to get through a couple of meetings at the office later today, then one meeting remote tomorrow. As well as some bits of things to action, but I can do those at my own pace, a lot of the anxiety comes from having to be "on it" in these meetings as there's a lot of information I need to piece together, and being preoccupied that my body is having some mystery medical meltdown doesn't usually help. Anxiety/stress level is down for the time being but that could be the diazepam metabolites. Only have half a box left so it's unlikely I'll spiral into dependence again, but yesterday was an exception with the near panic attack and everything else going on lately.

 

[LumberJack]

A bird has taken ip residence just outside my window. Its calls are like an alarm clock, except I can’t stop it. I tried running my fan (20 inch box fan) and the damn bird noises still pierce through. I have gotten 4 hours of sleep and I am still exhausted.

I’m also very sad right now. My intrusive thoughts are more intrusive now and I keep having the thought that I don’t belong here or anywhere else. This started up last night, and I woke up with it this morning. Going to try getting back to sleep.

 

[puffymilk]

Not feeling that good. I thought of the past and it fills me with anger. I want to do things I shouldn't. I'm trying my best not to do it. I know this feeling will past but I just feel horrible right now. I wish I knew how to stop or handle it.

 

[maybeicanheal]

A bird has taken ip residence just outside my window. Its calls are like an alarm clock, except I can’t stop it. I tried running my fan (20 inch box fan) and the damn bird noises still pierce through. I have gotten 4 hours of sleep and I am still exhausted.

I’m also very sad right now. My intrusive thoughts are more intrusive now and I keep having the thought that I don’t belong here or anywhere else. This started up last night, and I woke up with it this morning. Going to try getting back to sleep.

Hi- I have that thought often. I'm sorry you're going through that, I know how difficult it is. Your intrusive thought is wrong. You belong here and everywhere because you are alive and deserving of life.

 

[HappyKitty]

Okay. Its the weekend yay!

So inbetween play time with two friends tmrw, theres medical apt at 2pm and sat aft, head out to crocodile farm tour with cuzzy and sun is rest day.


Happy weekend yay!

 

[LumberJack]

Not feeling that good. I thought of the past and it fills me with anger. I want to do things I shouldn't. I'm trying my best not to do it. I know this feeling will past but I just feel horrible right now. I wish I knew how to stop or handle it.

I can say how not to handle it. Trying to think my way through similar feelings has always ended badly. Trying to escape/drown my sorrows was just kicking the can down the road, except the can kept getting bigger and eventually I couldn't kick it around anymore. I have only managed to get temporary relief by throwing myself into something present or future-oriented. If we are focused on one thing, it becomes less likely we will be thinking about something else that is diametrically oppositional. I think that's one reason why I post so much here, lol.

According to the advice I have gotten, it's healthy to treat those past experiences as an opportunity to practice our coping skills and get better at them. I can't say I've been terribly successful here. It does give me a chance to practice my emotional regulation, but I have a very long way to go until I think I'd consider myself competent at that.

 

[LumberJack]

Hi- I have that thought often. I'm sorry you're going through that, I know how difficult it is. Your intrusive thought is wrong. You belong here and everywhere because you are alive and deserving of life.

Thank you for reminding me of that. At first I thought you were relating having an annoying loud bird under your window, lol! I think my intrusive thought is saying something constructive, but in a coded way. As in, I just really feel lonely and I am frustrated. I know I'm likeable because most people become fond of me after taking the time to draw me out of my shield of cutting myself down before anyone else can. I even like myself; I would love to be friends with someone like me. We're rare, though.

 

[AvidFan]

Thank you for reminding me of that. At first I thought you were relating having an annoying loud bird under your window, lol! I think my intrusive thought is saying something constructive, but in a coded way. As in, I just really feel lonely and I am frustrated. I know I'm likeable because most people become fond of me after taking the time to draw me out of my shield of cutting myself down before anyone else can. I even like myself; I would love to be friends with someone like me. We're rare, though.

I can certainly relate to annoying loud birds. I'm sorry you have this problem. My neighbours have a loud bird in a cage in the room next to my lounge. The "tweet tweet tweet" refrain is piercing and there might as well not be a wall there. The noise is like a pneumatic drill in my ear all day and night, cutting through my work thoughts, leisure activities and meditation attempts. Mindfulness bell it isn't. The only way I can cope is by having very loud white noise playing 24/7, I've found a frequency and volume that cuts it right out but I had to buy some new speakers and I use a phone with a specific track on repeat all day. I also often have headphones on playing music on top of the white noise. Sometimes I can hear the bird in other parts of the house. Sometimes they put it out front and I go out for something and it's there tweeting at me, hurting my ears. No wonder they put it outside. I also disagree with keeping birds in cages so the neighbours lose points on that as well. I have gotten over the screaming at the wall telling them to shut their fucking bird up stage. It was the white noise set up, my sanity, or homicide/avicide 😲 The white noise also helps with the brood of kids who visit and play cowboys and indians and bang about all day hollering and screaming.... Suburban living, got to love it 😖

 

[LumberJack]

I can certainly relate to annoying loud birds. I'm sorry you have this problem. My neighbours have a loud bird in a cage in the room next to my lounge. The "tweet tweet tweet" refrain is piercing and there might as well not be a wall there. The noise is like a pneumatic drill in my ear all day and night, cutting through my work thoughts, leisure activities and meditation attempts.

That would infuriate me. It should be considered terrorism to have a cage of budgies in any dwelling that is close to another dwelling. I get pissy over barking dogs, which are not constant the way birds are. The thing about dogs is that even in the most remote parts of settled land, there will be some dog barking at all hours. Probably more so in rural areas now that I think about it. I should be used to it by now. Interestingly I was for a time, but I lost it again.

 

[crowgarden]

I feel homesick for a home I don't have. I desperately want to belong somewhere but I don't believe there's a place for me. I think I'm just destined to live in this hell on my own.

 

[total eclipse]

Sometimes life is just too hard

 

[TragicReality]

Hope you can turn the lights off and really relax, if not sleep. Anxiety is the worst, sneaky and persistent sometimes when you don't even realize it's there.

Thank you @seabird, I did relax and dozed off for a bit. I hope you are as okay as can be when you read this

 

[TragicReality]

I feel homesick for a home I don't have. I desperately want to belong somewhere but I don't believe there's a place for me. I think I'm just destined to live in this hell on my own.

I wish for you to feel like you belong somewhere. I know the feeling too, especially when stressed and no one close to talk to that doesn't judge me. Keep talking here if you want to, there is support even if it's just knowing you are heard, and you are here.