I went to therapy at noon and I reliably feel better after that. It is because I get feedback and I get to practice with my skills in a supervised (aka safe) environment. This normally holds up for 3 days, give or take.
However, about 2 hours after I left her office, up comes what feels like a tidal wave of just feeling like absolute hell. Like I have been dragged underwater in a sea of pain and now the riptide is carrying me out to sea. It’s hard to ignore that kind of hurt. I did try, though. I acknowledged it and turned my attention back to grocery shopping. It kept coming up over and over again.
I was trying to identify what was bothering me, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. So I had no choice, really, but to ride the waves as this utter pain of every hell possible was rising and falling. I couldn’t not notice it.
As I was driving home, I got a glance of what it’s about. I am still suffering from the post traumatic stress of that awful inpatient experience. I was watching it as it morphed into a logical argument that I could base a complaint to the nursing board. It is calming down, but I would rather not have to bother. I think I should try getting this out, though. God knows that sitting around being outraged is not moving me past it. I don’t know if it will help, but it’s something. Maybe if it doesn’t help, I might have a better idea of what would.