Again, like the timeline around me isn't mine.
At the very least, the idea that the universe and time and sights around me are *literally* fake is waning starkly. I realize that around me, for itself, and for everyone *other than* me, it's fitting time and a real universe with its own right to exist, and people around me have a right to identify by it.
However, more and more, night by night, I feel that this isn't me. I'm stranded in this setting that imitates possible elements of my life, but I don't actually live here, what "happened" to me here hasn't actually *happened* even if little traces around me reflect decisions I have made in relation to this true-to-everyone-else-but-not-true-to-me timeline, and I feel the real present beckoning me.
I've actually had a good time tonight. Enough to let go, briefly, of the yearning to kill myself out of this place/time I don't belong. And in fact, being away from that gives me more time to take in this unbelonging, this alienness. I hope I get more of it, because when the yearning to get myself back to my own time does take hold again, I want to be more learned than I am when I'm too close to see details that the relative distance that my current mood offers me, makes feelworthy.