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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
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@I_waste_everything Sorry to hear you know what I'm saying. After so many instances of this happening I should've learned by now. to. keep. quiet. I hope you can find a foothod on strong peaceful basis in which to feel better.
i am finding myself impatient. i am impatient with the timing of everything, with myself what little i can do when i feel i should be able to do loads more by now, and with what needs to be done and when it needs to be done. i am looking forward to tomorrow so a tiny percentage of my impatience will be able to be relieved with what i am hoping will be a brainstorming between myself and a third of my out patient team.
Impatiently impatient... Yup... that definitely describes how i feel right now.
Impatiently impatient... Yup... that definitely describes how i feel right now.
Strangely OK. I resolved some conflicts today, managed to bunk off for a few hours in the afternoon without anyone noticing, and still got everything I needed to do done. Maybe it's a late new year's resolution - stop working like a drone..... work smarter, and enjoy pockets of time in the day. Ironic that I started working for myself to enjoy more freedom and then ended up doing more hours than a Soviet era labour camp.... Got a bit of energy and clarity back.
I was fine this morning, but about an hour ago I hit a wall and my physical energy abruptly disappeared. Along with that I lost my ability to self regulate, as in being self aware enough to know when to take a break or initiate a grounding exercise or whatever.
Every darn thing is going wrong (according to my thoughts, not the facts). The smallest amount of frustration immediately escalates to a brutal attack that must be avenged, on and on. It has been so painful that I started crying but I didn’t know why, except for my obsessive thoughts about every complaint, real or imagined. I think it was pure exhaustion from my harsh treatment of myself.
I did reach out to a couple good people and I felt better to get a break from thinking about my problems and failures. I haven’t heard back yet, but I’m not expecting anyone to drop what they are doing to get back to me. Heck I sometimes miss a text or email for hours or even into the following day.
I am getting a sense that I need to be talking to others sooner than later. It’s prevention and using it as first aid might be too little, too late. So I am imagining that I need to expand my phone list.
Every darn thing is going wrong (according to my thoughts, not the facts). The smallest amount of frustration immediately escalates to a brutal attack that must be avenged, on and on. It has been so painful that I started crying but I didn’t know why, except for my obsessive thoughts about every complaint, real or imagined. I think it was pure exhaustion from my harsh treatment of myself.
I did reach out to a couple good people and I felt better to get a break from thinking about my problems and failures. I haven’t heard back yet, but I’m not expecting anyone to drop what they are doing to get back to me. Heck I sometimes miss a text or email for hours or even into the following day.
I am getting a sense that I need to be talking to others sooner than later. It’s prevention and using it as first aid might be too little, too late. So I am imagining that I need to expand my phone list.
I think the experience of being your own boss and overworking is familiar to most self employed individuals. I suspect this might be the same dynamic as with being our own harshest critic. Even if our customers or business partners are fully pleased with our output, we still know how short we fell of our own standards. I am using “we” b/c I know I do it too.
I picked up somewhere (I think it was in the Atlantic magazine) that imposter syndrome affects just about everyone. I’m imagining that the unaffected individuals either have a puffed up ego that prevents self awareness, and/or they are too far on the left section of the Dunning-Kruger curve to know how much expertise they lack. Maybe that helps, or apologies if not.
I picked up somewhere (I think it was in the Atlantic magazine) that imposter syndrome affects just about everyone. I’m imagining that the unaffected individuals either have a puffed up ego that prevents self awareness, and/or they are too far on the left section of the Dunning-Kruger curve to know how much expertise they lack. Maybe that helps, or apologies if not.
This is such a complex issue. I want to say that we don’t make anyone upset, except for ourselves. Then again, if we have a high level of consciousness and care for others, then we always want to be sensitive to how another person might receive our words. I’m also familiar with feeling alone and broken.
I am reading that you said you inevitably say something wrong. I wonder if that is overstating the case? I have experienced that your posts here are always considerate and helpful. You sometimes mention in a post that you are sorry if you say something that you shouldn’t, but at least to me, I have never had an exchange with you that didn’t feel right. If you can do that online in an anonymous forum, I would imagine that you are even more considerate in meat space.
And yet, we are afflicted by the human condition and that means that we are prone to make mistakes in relationships. Usually the more we care about a loved one, the more regrettable our words or actions sometimes come out.
A past therapist, though, told me about the “tear and repair” model of close relationships. The “tear” part is when one of the parties does something thoughtless or insensitive, or even hurtful in a heated argument. The “repair” part is when the two sides come together and reconcile.
I am not qualified to say how to repair anything for lack of direct experience. I was throwing it out there in case it might be interesting for you to look up online somewhere. If nothing else, I hope that it mitigates how bad you feel for others to mention that we appreciate your activities here.
I am reading that you said you inevitably say something wrong. I wonder if that is overstating the case? I have experienced that your posts here are always considerate and helpful. You sometimes mention in a post that you are sorry if you say something that you shouldn’t, but at least to me, I have never had an exchange with you that didn’t feel right. If you can do that online in an anonymous forum, I would imagine that you are even more considerate in meat space.
And yet, we are afflicted by the human condition and that means that we are prone to make mistakes in relationships. Usually the more we care about a loved one, the more regrettable our words or actions sometimes come out.
A past therapist, though, told me about the “tear and repair” model of close relationships. The “tear” part is when one of the parties does something thoughtless or insensitive, or even hurtful in a heated argument. The “repair” part is when the two sides come together and reconcile.
I am not qualified to say how to repair anything for lack of direct experience. I was throwing it out there in case it might be interesting for you to look up online somewhere. If nothing else, I hope that it mitigates how bad you feel for others to mention that we appreciate your activities here.
Thanks for the virtual hugs, as well as the rhetorical hugs expressed in your post @LumberJack. Here's my thought on it, after feeling miserable for 2 days over it.
Perhaps what happens is - tangled in what is as you say a complicated issue - is the personal fact (neurosis?) of having a need to engineer my communication, so as to not be frightened by the reactions of people who are important to me. Over the last couple of years of my life-as-I-knew-it going to pieces, the remaining little shreds of control have taken on heavier value. As an aside, Suicide ideation in my mind anyhow has a lot to do with the last bits of control/freedom. Of course, this is likely as much an illusion as the rest of life.
(h)
Perhaps what happens is - tangled in what is as you say a complicated issue - is the personal fact (neurosis?) of having a need to engineer my communication, so as to not be frightened by the reactions of people who are important to me. Over the last couple of years of my life-as-I-knew-it going to pieces, the remaining little shreds of control have taken on heavier value. As an aside, Suicide ideation in my mind anyhow has a lot to do with the last bits of control/freedom. Of course, this is likely as much an illusion as the rest of life.
(h)
BTW, I left something out about the tear and repair w/ relationships (any close relationship, not just romantic). It’s that the relationship gets stronger after every repair, assuming both parties are acting in good faith.
There is a risk that too many tears too close together get impossible to repair. Nonetheless, as long as it’s not the same underlying behavior over and over, nor a bunch of messiness in a short time, then it’s similar to building muscular strength, where muscles suffer micro tears from exercise, but heal naturally and grow stronger as long as they get enough recovery time.
There is a risk that too many tears too close together get impossible to repair. Nonetheless, as long as it’s not the same underlying behavior over and over, nor a bunch of messiness in a short time, then it’s similar to building muscular strength, where muscles suffer micro tears from exercise, but heal naturally and grow stronger as long as they get enough recovery time.
I felt stupid meeting people for the first time last night at art class. Also kept comparing my artwork to others, and there was really some talent in the room. I hate when I feel shy and inadequate. Sometimes I even feel that way around my own children. Im glad I have here to talk about how I feel.
Just waking up and sad that I did. I am really pushing myself to do better with my job search and the intrusive thoughts are doing their best to sabotage me. “How dare you imagine that you have anything to offer? Even if you do get a job, you are going to get laid off again, and then what? You are too old for anyone to want to hire!”
The truth is that I really don’t want a job. I don’t want anything, except to fade into oblivion. There is no payoff that would halfway justify the effort it takes to merely get by. I want out!
The truth is that I really don’t want a job. I don’t want anything, except to fade into oblivion. There is no payoff that would halfway justify the effort it takes to merely get by. I want out!
It's got potential for some really good learning, but any art class can be quite stressful. I've been in many, many classes both at uni and with private teachers, as well as teaching a bit. Both the teacher(s) and the dynamics of the group can be helpful and graceful, or not so much. Comparing is okay, keep it light, and as long as you do no ever lose sight of your own yardstick being the only one that matters. You're brave both to take yourself out of the comfort zone and the class @Lane.
You're welcome!
Maybe, but even compassionate, intelligent people who generally don't over react sometimes overreact. Sometimes people even under react, until the pressure builds up and they explode on someone inappropriately.
You're welcome to say more about what happened, either here or by PM
Sending hugs
Maybe, but even compassionate, intelligent people who generally don't over react sometimes overreact. Sometimes people even under react, until the pressure builds up and they explode on someone inappropriately.
You're welcome to say more about what happened, either here or by PM
Sending hugs