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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
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I hope things turn around for you @FlamingoWrangler. 
when I quit drinking, I was surprised at how many people are also not drinking. The ones who were drinking, though, would merely sip from a beer or a glass of wine (the same one) for hours. So if you just like, have the glass and hardly even sip from it, I'd be surprised if anyone noticed.
I hope the cheese & crackers tray goes over well. Don't get me started on charcuterie. I will never shut up, lol.
I hope the cheese & crackers tray goes over well. Don't get me started on charcuterie. I will never shut up, lol.
I've been forgetting what day it is from time to time. At least it's less than once a week. Being unemployed for a year and a half will do that. To quote a famous musician, "Funny thing about weekends when you're unemployed: they don't seem to mean so much... except that you can see your workin friends."
joking around aside, I feel like shit. I've been trying to not resist my painful stuff but I got sidetracked and fell into the old habit of making my pain worse by reliving memories. For some reason good memories are hard to call up, but the slightest thing will remind me of a time I had been abused, ignored, and/or humiliated in the past and I'm right in it, re-litigating everything I should have said that I didn't.
So what? I feel like shit, it is what it is. I might feel better in a few hours, or I might feel worse. No big deal. I think I might be stumbling bass-ack-ward into this equanimity ideal I keep hearing those funnily dressed monks talking about. So far, I always thought that equanimity entailed a certain feeling of peacefulness and contentment. Seems to be different so far - it's more like an attitude of refraining from judgement about the present moment. I will do my best to influence my situation positively. If I've done well, then the end result doesn't matter. If not, I've got to change something. Either way I'm only hurting myself by regretting the past and worrying about the future. On top of this I'm spending way too much time overthinking every little decision throughout the day.
Example: I downloaded a new password manager yesterday - so I needed to come up with a master password to lock the database file. It took me almost an hour to come up with something snappy enough to remember, but impossible to guess and prohibitively expensive to crack. Once I got to the end of the setup, I see the "generate password" button. It can generate meaningless streams of random characters, but it can also do what's called a passphrase, which is a stream of random words, separated by spaces. Turns out (according to my Google-fu) that this is more secure and at least possible to remember.
What I spent an hour on could have been all of five minutes. Going forward I'm going to try to not overthink things. Problem is that I have developed this habit because I'm only all too willing to barrel forward, full-steam ahead and damn the torpedoes, before thinking anything through. So I oscillate between the two extremes. In unrelated news, I have been diagnosed with both ADHD and OCD. Oh well, no big deal.
So what? I feel like shit, it is what it is. I might feel better in a few hours, or I might feel worse. No big deal. I think I might be stumbling bass-ack-ward into this equanimity ideal I keep hearing those funnily dressed monks talking about. So far, I always thought that equanimity entailed a certain feeling of peacefulness and contentment. Seems to be different so far - it's more like an attitude of refraining from judgement about the present moment. I will do my best to influence my situation positively. If I've done well, then the end result doesn't matter. If not, I've got to change something. Either way I'm only hurting myself by regretting the past and worrying about the future. On top of this I'm spending way too much time overthinking every little decision throughout the day.
Example: I downloaded a new password manager yesterday - so I needed to come up with a master password to lock the database file. It took me almost an hour to come up with something snappy enough to remember, but impossible to guess and prohibitively expensive to crack. Once I got to the end of the setup, I see the "generate password" button. It can generate meaningless streams of random characters, but it can also do what's called a passphrase, which is a stream of random words, separated by spaces. Turns out (according to my Google-fu) that this is more secure and at least possible to remember.
What I spent an hour on could have been all of five minutes. Going forward I'm going to try to not overthink things. Problem is that I have developed this habit because I'm only all too willing to barrel forward, full-steam ahead and damn the torpedoes, before thinking anything through. So I oscillate between the two extremes. In unrelated news, I have been diagnosed with both ADHD and OCD. Oh well, no big deal.
I'm OK at this point on Saturday (the one day I make sure I don't do any work, so I like Saturdays!). I've had a good day, a morning spent pottering about not doing much, hatched a plan to try to tackle the house problems, but didn't expend the energy to put it to paper or pixels yet. Caught up on a few shows. Had some good food. Fed some cats treats, and walked 15,000 steps. At my normal pace too. Without any pain or weird twinges. Will have to see how the muscles and nerves of my pelvis react tomorrow (especially to the spontaenous little jogs I subjected everything to!) but that's the most steps I've done since this whole injury mess started, and is an enormous improvement in function from being barely able to walk without pain a few months ago. I will keep stretching and enjoying the weird looks when I pause in the street, spread my legs and see how close I can get to putting my palms flat on the floor when I bend over to stretch 😄
when I quit drinking, I was surprised at how many people are also not drinking. The ones who were drinking, though, would merely sip from a beer or a glass of wine (the same one) for hours. So if you just like, have the glass and hardly even sip from it, I'd be surprised if anyone noticed.
I hope the cheese & crackers tray goes over well. Don't get me started on charcuterie. I will never shut up,
the winery was fine. Didn't get drunk and left after 3 hours. I did as you suggested and just sipped at my drink. Hope youre feeling better than ok today LumberJack.
I hope the cheese & crackers tray goes over well. Don't get me started on charcuterie. I will never shut up,
the winery was fine. Didn't get drunk and left after 3 hours. I did as you suggested and just sipped at my drink. Hope youre feeling better than ok today LumberJack.
I was very upset yesterday. I hope it's ok to write this, but my daughter took my credit card and charged like $300 worth of door dash, parking, and clothes. I couldn't get a hold of her on the phone so I texted her things like, "who does that?!, are you out of your mind?!" She's done this to my fiance and her father. Im going to have to have a talk with her that this is totally not cool.
I have friends over this week-end, so I'm feeling fine. But still, even surrounded by people, I sometimes think about suicide. This probably means I have not 'fully' recovered yet. At the same time, I have this awful feeling that once the idea idea of suicide has entered one's mind, it's like a neural worm one has to live with. I really hope this is not true.
