How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[LumberJack]

I feel exhausted and like there is no point trying any more, it just leads to more exhaustion and disappointment. I won't do anything. I'll try to eat and go to bed try to hope I feel different tomorrow. Just so fucking tired.

I understand. I’m sorry that everything is happening at once.

 

[AvidFan]

I understand. I’m sorry that everything is happening at once.

Thanks, appreciate it. I've kept myself safe, tried to feed myself and going to go to bed now. Last night of 2 weeks of antibiotics so I really hope it doesn't come back but will have a fair few anxious few days (and won't be sure until at least 1-2 weeks clear and then do proof of cure culture).

 

[Windhover]

I feel exhausted and like there is no point trying any more, it just leads to more exhaustion and disappointment. I won't do anything. I'll try to eat and go to bed try to hope I feel different tomorrow. Just so fucking tired.

I hope it's different, and toward the rested and hopeful end of the yardstick tomorrow.

(h)

 

[Windhover]

I'm in one of my hyper busy modes again todaoy. I'm glad for remembering to pace myself. When I self-regualte (more or less) I let the energy out but in a more focused way. Then, later when I'm past this mood or mode, whatever, I can check a few boxes.

 

[JanisSPK]

I'm in one of my hyper busy modes again todaoy. I'm glad for remembering to pace myself. When I self-regualte (more or less) I let the energy out but in a more focused way. Then, later when I'm past this mood or mode, whatever, I can check a few boxes.

Good for doing the pacing!

 

[Lane]

I feel like curling up into a ball in a corner of my room and disappearing into the void. I don't want to see anyone. I want to be left alone in my corner.

's @DarkNightshade. How are you feeling today?

 

[Lane]

Feeling better. Was out at restaurant yesterday and became suddenly woozy. Just had a veggie burger & 1 1/2 margaritas. Prayed that I make the drive home ok and went right to bed, which is why im up at 3am

 

[DarkNightshade]

's @DarkNightshade. How are you feeling today?

I'm feeling better, thank you. Every day is different.

 

[AvidFan]

Not feeling as bad as yesterday but I hesitate to say I'm feeling better. I have the mental door closed on a lot of compartments, the trouble is my mind is a little like a 1912 Titanic, and once there's a single breach, the compartments all seem to get breached and start flooding at once. It just takes one Iceberg and the sinking feeling begins - and I'm currently navigating a slalom course full of icebergs.

 

[DarkNightshade]

Sometimes, like right now, I ponder the fact that I can decide to end it all at some point. It calms me; the choice is there, in case things go really south. There is this famous quote, falsely attributed to Camus: "Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee?". Today, I choose the cup of coffee.

 

[JanisSPK]

Ok @Lane ….not trying to be nosy but concerned here
Any tiny chance of blood pressure issue or diabetes etc etc….Could just be a rare unique occurance but I seem to remember you mentioning dizziness a short time back. And I could have you confused with someone else here if not you 🌞I hope you are doing better this afternoon☮️

 

[AvidFan]

I am home. After tolerating the bus breaking down and then getting on a new bus that was more like an oven. Why it was so much hotter than the broken bus I do not know! I am not feeling great - very weary even though I slept last night. Too many very real stressors. I will try to eat and just get through the rest of the week. And pray that the UTI does not come back, otherwise I fear it's going to initiate a course of action that will not end well for my physically or emotionally.

 

[JanisSPK]

I am home. After tolerating the bus breaking down and then getting on a new bus that was more like an oven. Why it was so much hotter than the broken bus I do not know! I am not feeling great - very weary even though I slept last night. Too many very real stressors. I will try to eat and just get through the rest of the week. And pray that the UTI does not come back, otherwise I fear it's going to initiate a course of action that will not end well for my physically or emotionally.

 

[Windhover]

preferably dead, it's going to not be put off much longer. If I can get to where I should've done it I will. If not, then it'll have to happen over here.

 

[JanisSPK]

preferably dead, it's going to not be put off much longer. If I can get to where I should've done it I will. If not, then it'll have to happen over here.

hugs. no answer needed but did something happen?

 

[LumberJack]

Feeling better. Was out at restaurant yesterday and became suddenly woozy. Just had a veggie burger & 1 1/2 margaritas. Prayed that I make the drive home ok and went right to bed, which is why im up at 3am

1.5 margaritas is giving me quite a wide range. I've seen 24 oz., 4 shots of tequila margs in my travels. I don't know you as terribly reckless though, but just thought of throwing that out there. Please tell me to go stuff it if I am being annoying. You would not be the first.

 

[LumberJack]

preferably dead, it's going to not be put off much longer. If I can get to where I should've done it I will. If not, then it'll have to happen over here.

If you want to vent over PM I would happily listen/read or whatever would mitigate the intensity. I don't want to change your mind or anything. I do see an escalating level of sadness over your posts recently. I'm very sorry things are so hard for you emotionally right now.

I cannot do much more than be a sounding board, but I wanted you to know that you're not alone here.

I wish I could travel to AUS and bonk your ex in the head with a 2x4 or something (lol, j/k - I can't afford to go that far right now)!

 

[AvidFan]

preferably dead, it's going to not be put off much longer. If I can get to where I should've done it I will. If not, then it'll have to happen over here.

Please stay safe @seabird, ❤️

 

[LumberJack]

I'm doing okay today, which is amazing given the way I've been over the past week or two. I got to meet some of the other volunteers with the Equine center thru a potluck. Only I was running my mouth so much I hardly ate any food, lol. It seems like as I recover from the PTSD I came into therapy with, my mouth wants to make up for lost time. I used to be unnervingly quiet. A couple people told me as much. They'd have no problem with me today, except I frequently go too deep into a given topic. My curiosity can make things awkward sometimes -- most people don't want to talk about cache invalidation* at a meet & greet.

*cache invalidation is the dilemma in optimizing a web browser for speed. How long should we keep things in cache vs how frequently is best to check for updates? It's one of the great unsolved problems in computer science.

 

[LumberJack]

There is this famous quote, falsely attributed to Camus: "Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee?". Today, I choose the cup of coffee.

I'm a huge Camus fan although I've only read The Stranger and The Plague. The Stranger very likely helped me make it through a tough period in my twenties. For some reason it felt like I was less alone, since here was this French author from a while back talking about absurdity and nihilism. At first I didn't catch the part where you denote that it is a fake quote - and I was extremely skeptical that Camus would write anything that would translate into English like that. His writing is far more deliberate so I'm thinking what writing that might be in, but the I saw the italicized part above. Now I can breathe again.

I utterly abhor fake quotes. It's a form of lying to put one's own words in the mouth of a great teacher or writer.