I tried to do some schoolwork. By the time I was done, I found myself thinking, "I have to stop because I can't take this". I'm talking immense anxiety, because I have no idea what is actually happening in this course and what I'm supposed to do. I have no clue about hypotheses, sampling methods, and procedures. I couldn't choose my own topic. It's some boring sounding shit on misinformation and myth busting, whatever the fuck that means...and then I get to design an experiment around something I have no idea about, and hence, can't fully focus on. Somehow, I always end up pulling shit out of my ass, so I'm guessing that's what will happen. But if I fail this course, I'll never hear the end of it, even though I have more important things like my health to worry about. But that doesn't seem to matter. Not to my family. Money and financial stability is more important. Nevermind that I still have voices telling me what the fuck to do every day...that I'm trying really hard to ignore, by the way. What kind of financial stability can there possibly be if I can't even get that part normalized? Am I supposed to go to work with voices talking to me or how exactly is that supposed to work? The fact that I can barely even manage this course right now is a miracle, let alone a job. Anyway, I felt like complete shit after I made an attempt at it earlier. I don't know what it was, probably mostly anxiety, but not just. I was also utterly miserable and without focus. I took my meds and all I can do is sit here and try to distract myself now. That's what I get for attempting something normal.