That sounds really bad. If you are scared for yourself, I think that shifts the strategy somewhat. How are you in danger? Do you mean physically - or are the messages becoming more vitriolic. I survived physical abuse. That was a problem, but I am over it. The emotional abuse, though. Some scars are unseen. IMHO it would be better to be punched in the face than abused by someone who is supposed to protect you.
So it's really the emotional abuse that is more urgent. I mean, if you are in danger of being hit that is nothing to take lightly. I am just saying the emotional abuse sticks for longer. The advantage of physical danger is that you can remove yourself from it by changing your location.
If it's the fight between them that is going through you - it's time to set up some boundaries. And if they don't respect your boundaries, then walls are called for. Do you know much about boundaries? I didn't even know such a thing existed until I was in my late 30s. If your parents are being soooo un-parent-like, then they probably didn't teach you, or if they did it was crap. It's Friday afternoon, tho, and I am toast mentally. I will need to sleep on this and get back to you when fresh.
What I would offer for right now is that it's perfectly okay for you to be angry. In fact, it is healthy. What you do with that anger is the difficult part. Anger is our instinctive protective mechanism, but when you are protecting yourself (or others) from emotional harms, you can't exactly get out of the situation with a sledgehammer. Setting boundaries for this case could look like flat out refusal to be a conduit for messages between them. I want to say tell them to f- off, but that would most likely escalate the situation and I am going to guess you are not wanting that. In which case, a little tact (but not a lot) will be handy. Don't get emotional with them, but for example in WhatsApp tell dad that you will no longer take messages from him to mom, and vise-versa. This will feel impossible at first. There is a lot of fear in setting boundaries. And the other party initially will get angry more often than not. What has worked for me is to be consistent, and give them consequences for continuing the behavior. However, although they will be angry at first, consistently standing up for yourself will (usually) get them to respect you and your boundaries. If not then more severe intervention is called for, but I am guessing you don't want to go no-contact right away.
The difficulty with that is that if you don't have a strong sense of your own self-worth and an internal locus of control (the belief that you can change your results by changing your behavior), then it will be less likely you will stand up for yourself when needed. In which case that would be a separate topic. If it would be easier I could PM you, or we could start a new thread but I think this topic might derail this thread so I will probably start a general discussion about boundaries in a new thread if that is okay for you. You have worth. All human beings are intrinsically worthy. Even if you've made mistakes that you now regret, that means you have grown and changed, so you can change more. I can't sit here and say it's going to be fine, because I am just a stranger on the internet to you. What I can say is this does not need to be your burden. It may get worse before it gets better, but it can get better.
*sry for language*
