How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[AvidFan]

Like shit. I truly wish I did not care about my family, friends or colleagues as I would end it today. Every time I try to pick myself up there's more shit to deal with. I struggled so badly with anxiety today, but picked myself up and ran some errands. Very productive you might say. I got the new router through and also received two lots of packaging for the old router, so I figured I'd better send the other old router back, had it for years, oops. Got everything working on the new one then packaged the two old ones and dropped them off at the post office. Sigh, done and dusted.

Then I got back and thought I'd watch a bit of Wimbledon while waiting for a video call. Oops, Internet not connected - I'd forgotten to plug in the ethernet cable from the Xbox, simple fix, right?

Except that doesn't work. 2 different ethernet cables don't work, but the heating hub works out of the router fine in either socket tried. The ethernet from the hub works fine if I connect it to my old laptop using the ethernet socket - so the hub is working. But there is no way on earth it will work with my new laptop using the USB adapter, or in the Xbox. JUST. WILL. NOT. HAVE. IT. And there is literally fuck all logic involved in this. There is no reason why it shouldn't work. The ethernet is outputting, the cables work, but only in certain random configurations.

My relationship with tech is a fucking joke. But that's just the straw that's snapped things this time, I know there will be another soon.

Fortunately I got the wireless working on the Xbox, but why plugging in a fucking ethernet cable doesn't work, I will never know. I have to calm down for a video call now, knowing if my wireless should go, my ethernet cable will no longer work.

And I JUST SENT THE WORKING ONE BACK. FFS 😒

 

[AvidFan]

Fucking video call and I was coming out of the other end "like a tortured Dalek". Wasn't anything to do with my equipment, but these issues seem to follow me the fuck around.

I'm not up to dealing with any of the shit I need to deal with, so I'm going to try to be kind to myself and just take the rest of the evening off and do something leisurely. Can't sort everything at once. 😢

 

[Aurelia]

I've decided to try "double therapy". I have an appointment in waiting for on the 17th at a new place and I'm also trying BetterHelp online so I have that in between appointments. Hopefully it helps in some way.

 

[Windhover]

at the moment I'm happy and pleased for a loved one. So it's vicarious, but happy.

 

[Aurelia]

So I got an offer letter from my job conditional upon the background check, but hopefully that goes okay. I do have a summary offense from 6 years ago, but I hope I still pass. Chances look pretty good. Honestly, I'd really like to work there right now. It's an arts and crafts store and I'm all about that. I frequently buy different projects from there to do at home. And it's part time so I won't feel overwhelmed or anything. The pay is a bit low, but something is better than nothing, and mostly I just want to be able to get out of the house. I don't care about the pay as much. I care more that it's a suitable environment for me. Either way, it's start.

 

[AvidFan]

Weary, going to put the bins out then go to bed. Love to everyone ❤️❤️❤️

 

[PrincessPure]

I have a thousand pieces of a heart. So i will return back home for the summer, but will that fix me? I guess I will...give it a try somehow. To see if i can fix my aching heart in my country.

 

[LumberJack]

There has to be another way, right? Or something that we're missing? It's one thing to know something but they never tell us how to start applying it. Maybe that's because they themselves have no experience with mental illness and only education, so the education part of it is all that they share with us. Maybe we need more therapists who have successfully helped themselves with these therapies they teach.

Otherwise it's kind of like teaching playing guitar by someone who doesn't know how to actually play.

So when I am trying to help someone else, I try to only suggest something that I have personally done and found effective. So instead of, “you should…” I prefer to say “what worked for me is..”

Yet when I am trying to take care of myself, I can know all the theories, have the tools, and still not be able to do the things. Like for example I am currently tangled in a particularly painful group of resentments (ie, the hospital stay that I can’t seem to let go of).

I know that it’s making me miserable to keep going back over this, and still I can’t let go. Every time my mind is not otherwise busy, I am subconsciously thinking about how wrong it was to treat me that way. Then I start to feel bad, and when I notice that, I notice that my thoughts have been obsessing.

I want to let it go, but I try, and I am fine for some minutes, then I am right back in the past, stoking my personal rage machine. That’s just one example.

 

[LumberJack]

Fortunately I got the wireless working on the Xbox, but why plugging in a fucking ethernet cable doesn't work, I will never know. I have to calm down for a video call now, knowing if my wireless should go, my ethernet cable will no longer work.

And I JUST SENT THE WORKING ONE BACK. FFS 😒

Geeze. God that does sound frustrating. I probably would have thrown the router against the wall in a similar situation. I have never seen a router with working wifi but ethernet not working in certain configurations.

Then I would be facing a damaged wall and probably tiny plastic and silicon chunks everywhere that need to be picked up by hand because they are just slightly big enough to clog the vacuum cleaner. Not that I have ever done that. 🙄. So I admire that you didn’t start smashing things.

 

[Inanimate]

I laughed a little at "why not" because, as you mentioned, I also ask myself "why" sometimes still.

I wonder sometimes, though, do we even know when we feel depressed? Because what if what we feel is a normal part of life and we're just so used to defining ourselves with depression that we've convinced ourselves we're always depressed? Could that also be possible?

Yes, it’s possible. Depression has a presence, but it’s not definitive. Moments in my daily life are distinguishable from misery. I’ve been diagnosed in the past with Major Depressive Disorder, but I’m not convinced that I have a chemical imbalance that can be remedied by taking the right pill. A silly pill isn’t going to change how I’ve learned to perceive myself, my state of affairs, the world, and my place in it. “Depression,” at least, is word that is used to make life easier for other people.

 

[Aurelia]

Yes, it’s possible. Depression has a presence, but it’s not definitive. Moments in my daily life are distinguishable from misery. I’ve been diagnosed in the past with Major Depressive Disorder, but I’m not convinced that I have a chemical imbalance that can be remedied by taking the right pill. A silly pill isn’t going to change how I’ve learned to perceive myself, my state of affairs, the world, and my place in it. “Depression,” at least, is word that is used to make life easier for other people.

That's a scary thought. We're so used to being depressed that I think maybe we're even causing it ourselves at this point, like you said, by how we perceive ourselves and the rest of the world. We're accustomed to it now.

 

[MisterBGone]

I have a thousand pieces of a heart. So i will return back home for the summer, but will that fix me? I guess I will...give it a try somehow. To see if i can fix my aching heart in my country.

So happy for you & to hear this news @PrincessPure - How wonderful! Have a good time. Enjoy yourself. Come back ready to fire the afterburners (back) up & study some more anatomy (j/k) ;^) Take care! -mrb~

 

[HappyKitty]

suffocating and numb. aunts death sinking in.
my friends are tryna cheer me up to watching movie lol.

 

[AvidFan]

Geeze. God that does sound frustrating. I probably would have thrown the router against the wall in a similar situation. I have never seen a router with working wifi but ethernet not working in certain configurations.

Then I would be facing a damaged wall and probably tiny plastic and silicon chunks everywhere that need to be picked up by hand because they are just slightly big enough to clog the vacuum cleaner. Not that I have ever done that. 🙄. So I admire that you didn’t start smashing things.

Thanks, I'm glad someone understands. I felt like throwing the router. It's like putting a pan on a stove, lighting the gas, and the water doesn't boil. It doesn't make sense and defies the laws of the universe - that level of frustration. I've never seen this either it just doesn't make any sense, it's like plugging into an electrical outlet, it normally just works without having to do 300 troubleshooting steps. Oh well, I'm paying too much for my internet and I hadn't swapped to another company due to anxieties about replacing the router and it not working as smoothly. Now the working router has been replaced by some kind of piece of shit, I've nothing to lose by going through the hassle of switching to a cheaper deal and maybe I'll get rid of the shitty router and get one that actually works. But I've got bigger fish to fry at the moment, as long as it works for work for now, that'll do.

 

[Astrid78]

suffocating and numb. aunts death sinking in.
my friends are tryna cheer me up to watching movie lol.

Did you watch the movie?

 

[Ash600]

Stressed to the point that my mind is about to start racing at high speed in all directions. Feel as if I'm being swamped with one thing after a fucking another.

 

[AvidFan]

Stressed to the point that my mind is about to start racing at high speed in all directions. Feel as if I'm being swamped with one thing after a fucking another.

I feel your pain, it's like me for this too at the moment. House is falling down just as my income/money situation is starting to deteriorate, it's like spinning plates and you know one is going to crash down no matter how much time you spend twirling the posts 😢 That racing mind feeling is horrible and unhelpful. I hope things calm down for you.

 

[Justagirl]

Tired, empty and hopeless. Sad

 

[puffymilk]

Nervous, still

 

[puffymilk]

Tired, empty and hopeless. Sad

I'm sorry you feel this way. Hugs.