How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[LumberJack]

I feel better after having some sleep last night. I dragged myself out of bed, but I slept over 11 hours and I was afraid I might not be able to sleep tonight on time. I’m still tired, but that’s my normal now.

Drinking coffee and listening to music. Tbh, I’m still obsessing over the bad memories, and I noticed that I feel fear and anger in my body, and then my mind goes searching for an explanation. That’s when the memories come up. Trying to keep my mind on other things.

I have a lot of adulting to do today, but I want to relax a bit before I get moving. Yoga class in 2 hours.

 

[LumberJack]

Hi Lumber Jack. Your post reminds me of when I was a child and lived in a group home for a while and the house was pretty dirty. We were responsible for our own chores but as kids we didn't do them so well. The bathroom was atrocious. There were even maggots in the kitchen once. I remember being really grossed out. It took a long time to get over that experience. I do hope in time and if life can be good to you, the conditions you spent on the hospital can be a far away memory.

Hi Lane. That sounds horrible, I am sorry you had to go through that. I’m trying to focus on the good things and then anything else unrelated.

 

[Lane]

Hi Lane. That sounds horrible, I am sorry you had to go through that. I’m trying to focus on the good things and then anything else unrelated.

Thanks Lumber Jack, it's ok, there were some good adults who watched us. And the kids were good hearted, some unstable.

Yes, focussing on the positive is a plus. Whenever I fall into depression and tend to have negative thoughts, I picture a red stop sign and tell my brain, STOP. I guess it helps. Hope you have a good rest of the day.

 

[Lane]

Like hell.
Listening to Simon and Garfunkel and crying and cleaning baseboards.
Seemed like the thing to do.

 

[Auri]

Right now, sad. I’ve been doing so well the past few years, I consider myself happy and everyone sees and says it… Except my mom. I’ve been trying for us to get alobg nicely, but from time to time she’ll still break my heart. Tonight, what she said essentially means we are not compatible because my happiness makes her unhappy. I’ve always felt that way, but it was just my theory. Now she confirmed it. And I look slightly sad/upset and she doesn’t get why. I have to fake joy, which I’ve been actually feeling before that.

Things will never change with her, I need to accept.

 

[SillyOldBear]

A lot of pain today. At least an 8.

 

[AmberMarie]

Feeling loads of different things right now. Exhausted and pain is at an unrelenting 8 tonight. Alone, fighting tears, and can't sleep. Extremely overwhelmed... been awake for 21.5 hours, and really wish i had someone here with me. If even just to sit in silence... knowing someone was here is support in and of itself. Feeling like i am crumpling and i Can't allow that right now. Not here... Not now! i just don't have anything left to pull myself together.

 

[LumberJack]

Duplicate post. I don’t seem to know how to computer tonight

 

[LumberJack]

Feeling loads of different things right now. Exhausted and pain is at an unrelenting 8 tonight. Alone, fighting tears, and can't sleep. Extremely overwhelmed... been awake for 21.5 hours, and really wish i had someone here with me. If even just to sit in silence... knowing someone was here is support in and of itself. Feeling like i am crumpling and i Can't allow that right now. Not here... Not now! i just don't have anything left to pull myself together.

I’m sorry. I wish I could sit with you and just be silent. Friends just sitting near me while I cried was the most helpful thing I’ve experienced during my grief.

 

[PrincessPure]

It might be such a weird thing to say but I feel im very racist toward my own nation. I dislike almost everyone from that nationality aside from myself and my own family. When I went back this summer I was walking in the streets and listening to everyone with such disgust. And well, who can i talk to this about??? If i talk to foreigners, they wont have a good view to my nation and i AM part of that nation. And if I talk to people of my own about it, they would be offended as if i dont belong to that specific group??? Its been killing me.

 

[PrincessPure]

All in all, I miss my family, i miss the aura of the city and the country, but the people disgust me. Thats why i wanna go back. Weirdly enough, despite the fact that I live overseas, we have a huge community here and i was part of it until they disgusted me. And now I have no friends bc i was invested in those people since the beginning, sigh.

 

[LumberJack]

feeling overwhelmed. Day is going by too fast. Halfway through work day, and nothing to show for it.

 

[AvidFan]

I'm in a bit of shock today. Just heard an old colleague dropped dead last month - aged 51, so 3 years younger than me. I have mixed feelings. At first I was relieved and glad to be alive myself, then I started feeling envious and I'd be happy to swap, afterall he leaves a partner and family behind and seemed to have everything to live for, along with enough money to live a good life and could probably have made better use of the time. Probably highly inappropriate to think that - but it sometimes feels like I am just going to get older and older and hang on to suffer more and feel a prisoner in my own body. Not sure I'd like to go that suddenly though unless it was a choice.

 

[Auri]

“Date” with my mom equals watching her on her phone while sipping my drink. And making photos of her that I need to send her RIGHT NOW.

Oh wait, I’m on my phone, too now.

Sigh.

 

[AvidFan]

What the FUCKING HELL is wrong with people. The person I share my office with has been going on for ages about the carpet being dirty. So I'd arranged for it to be cleaned. Then today the building manager offered to re-carpet the room for the same price as the cleaning contractors would charge. I told the person I share with and they've gone crazy at me, suggesting I get in an external carpet cleaner and saying the building management are lying to me about it costing the same to re-carpet. I thought she'd be happy to get a brand new carpet seeing as she's been going on about the dirty old one so much. WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK?

 

[Livelife]

Nervous. A second tropical storm/hurricane headed this way right now. Unusual in one season to hit the same place.
A serious storm for my birthday.....My birthday wish is for me and the dogs to stay safe, keep the electric and tv, and not flood. That would be for all who will be impacted as well.

 

[mosaic hearts]

I don't really know? The best way I can describe it is general malaise & weepiness.

 

[mosaic hearts]

Hi Lane. That sounds horrible, I am sorry you had to go through that. I’m trying to focus on the good things and then anything else unrelated.

Definitely horrible. I'm so sorry you had to experience that @Lane.

 

[1964dodge]

Worried and a bit stressed because of the worry. The reasons for those feelings are a few things:

1. A dumb thing I did at Walmart yesterday. Ugh, I really should not have given them that info, and now I am terrified that it could seriously bite me in the butt. Can't really say more than that, but gonna call them today and praying they can reverse that request and that it hopefully has not even reached any further than them yet. I like the idea of building credit, but just not sure if the "chance" to do that is worth this level of stress, worry and uncertainty. I do NOT need more things to be worried and stressed about in my life.

2. My right side of my chest still being sore after I got very upset about something last night. That was probably around 10-11pm, and now it is 7 hours later and it is still sore. I am just hoping it is only because of feeling such an extreme emotion and nothing more. I have gotten that upset before though and not had this chest pain, anyway maybe I will search online again to see if there is a pill I could take, or something else I could do, to help make that chest pain lessen. I just want it to go away, and I definitely need to not get so upset like that ever again.

3. Still not knowing whether I'll be going to my sis's on the 8th, or the 13th. I really don't like how she always only lets us know at the "last minute" or like maybe a day or 2 before when we will be going. It is kinda thoughtless and inconsiderate of our time and feelings, I mean we have a cat and have to make arrangements with the neighbor to check up on her. The sooner we can let him know when that will be and how long it will be for, the better. We have told her before that we'd appreciate knowing as far in advance as we possibly can. She claimed she would be getting that info on Tuesday, and now it is bloody Friday. If we're to be ready to go there for the 8th, then that gives us only 2 measly days of notice, rather than close to a week. I am just feeling very tired of being treated like my feelings don't matter (by her I mean). And on top of feeling that way, I also feel guilty for feeling this way about her, because she has done lots of nice and good things too of course.

 

[1964dodge]

Sad, sad, and sad.

i hope you feel a little better today

mike...