You matter @mosaic hearts. What's wrong?
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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
- Start date
Had a good weekend, except for a few flybites at the beach. Feeling a bit stressed over going back to work with the new program, my washing machine is on the fritz and wondering why my daughter leaves her crap all over and expects people to clean it up. Guilty because I do, but I hate seeing it around the house or in the sink.
I am still alive with one meeting to go. The first meeting was terrible and I was on the verge of panic/terror all morning. Didn't help I stood up in the kitchen at work and cracked my head on the cupboard door I'd left open. I had to go power walking around the city just to manage my jumpiness early afternoon, then somehow seemed to calm down and my heart rate went from 95 to 65 and my watch currently says I'm at rest, which it hasn't done during the day for weeks. My system is all over the place but moving in the right direction. Just one meeting to go then I can pack up and go home and crash.
Well I kind of blew it giving my notice today. After I went through my speech the boss offered me part time work. So I have to decide whether to go part time or not this week. On a personal note it’ll be financially better to go part time but I don’t like the work I am doing now and I will be finishing it up anyway if I quit. So more dilemma for another couple of days. Sigh.
Can I please answer by quoting a post I made before this one? I hope I'm not thought of as lazy. I'm just tired. Here goes...
"My feelings aren't as intense as yesterday, thank heaven! Too many things came at me all at once yesterday, & I really had a severe time coping & tolerating everything. I just wanted out. But my love & responsibility for my 12-year-old kitty, Abby, overrode all that & here I am to fight another day. Dealing with my mental health (e.g., C-PTSD, etc.), my physical health (e.g., severe asthma, hypertension, etc.), at the same time as work stress (e.g., workplace bullying by a narcissistic, overcontrolling employer & repeated abuse from a client over a four-month period that just stopped at the end of last June (e.g. disparaging remarks about my person, poking me in my left eye resulting in a scratch of my cornea necessitating antibiotic eye drops, & threatening to k*ll me on two separate occasions [I'm not kidding, fibbing, &/or over-exaggerating]), was too much to bear already. But then flashbacks came last Saturday & yesterday making everything even worse. Thank God no flashbacks today. So, my distress has eased to more tolerable limits."
The flashbacks are about the sex*al abuse I suffered as a small kid, inside & outside the home. Everything feels as though it's happening now. I experience the same physical sensations & emotions as I did during the actual abuse. It's painful, terrifying, & shameful. Thank you for caring & listening.🙏💕🌈🪻🌺🌻
"My feelings aren't as intense as yesterday, thank heaven! Too many things came at me all at once yesterday, & I really had a severe time coping & tolerating everything. I just wanted out. But my love & responsibility for my 12-year-old kitty, Abby, overrode all that & here I am to fight another day. Dealing with my mental health (e.g., C-PTSD, etc.), my physical health (e.g., severe asthma, hypertension, etc.), at the same time as work stress (e.g., workplace bullying by a narcissistic, overcontrolling employer & repeated abuse from a client over a four-month period that just stopped at the end of last June (e.g. disparaging remarks about my person, poking me in my left eye resulting in a scratch of my cornea necessitating antibiotic eye drops, & threatening to k*ll me on two separate occasions [I'm not kidding, fibbing, &/or over-exaggerating]), was too much to bear already. But then flashbacks came last Saturday & yesterday making everything even worse. Thank God no flashbacks today. So, my distress has eased to more tolerable limits."
The flashbacks are about the sex*al abuse I suffered as a small kid, inside & outside the home. Everything feels as though it's happening now. I experience the same physical sensations & emotions as I did during the actual abuse. It's painful, terrifying, & shameful. Thank you for caring & listening.🙏💕🌈🪻🌺🌻