Well, intrusive thoughts are back. I have been trying to work with the insurance company at my prior employer. I filed 2 claims that were not handled properly, and denied. I was not notified, however, and only got the news when I called about it in August. I had been getting nowhere. I couldn't even update my address, which I thought would be important in case they mail anything regarding my appeals. Regarding the mailing address I reached out to the HR contact at my previous employer, who got in touch with her rep at the insurance company. Magically, wheels started turning and now one has been reprocessed and approved, with the other being escalated based on the denial reason being "insufficient information," but the insurance rep who was working with my HR reviewed the submission and everything required was present. Even more stress-inducing was the fact that the denial said nothing about what was missing, sending me on a wild goose chase to comb through the plan documentation.
While I'm happy to be finally making progress, I now feel extremely anxious because of flashbacks of the harsh treatment I received while imprisoned at a facility that calls itself a hospital while literally treating patients as if they are there as a punishment. The connection here is that, not only did I have to go out of my way to get a maze-like bureaucracy to simply honor their commitments, but I had to repeatedly ask for what I thought was owed to me.
I still feel conditioned to dread the consequences of doing this. Retaliation is exactly what happened to me when I was inpatient and had the gall to state that my needs were unmet while asking for what would help me feel safer or more comfortable. Now I feel like retreating into my shell and isolating. I just hate this stupid life with all the BS that gets thrown at the common citizen. It's not like I can just peace out and live off-grid, sustaining myself on the land. This is literally illegal in the USA; you cannot use land, nor water that you don't have legal possession of. Wait til they decide the same system should be the approach to how air is handled.
On the bright side, I have done what I needed to despite the fear. I'm also going to oppose my desire to isolate by going out to my meditation center tonight. They have a weekly Wednesday mtg where there are some people that I really like. I think a couple also like me, lol. Additionally I am questioning my feelings. The idea here is that "feelings aren't facts." Just because I feel unsafe, it is not necessarily the case that I am unsafe. I am out of the old, painful situation, and I cannot be trapped again because I know what to say now. I still feel pretty uncomfortable, but I think I will also feel better later for having stood up to the fear in the process.
While I'm happy to be finally making progress, I now feel extremely anxious because of flashbacks of the harsh treatment I received while imprisoned at a facility that calls itself a hospital while literally treating patients as if they are there as a punishment. The connection here is that, not only did I have to go out of my way to get a maze-like bureaucracy to simply honor their commitments, but I had to repeatedly ask for what I thought was owed to me.
I still feel conditioned to dread the consequences of doing this. Retaliation is exactly what happened to me when I was inpatient and had the gall to state that my needs were unmet while asking for what would help me feel safer or more comfortable. Now I feel like retreating into my shell and isolating. I just hate this stupid life with all the BS that gets thrown at the common citizen. It's not like I can just peace out and live off-grid, sustaining myself on the land. This is literally illegal in the USA; you cannot use land, nor water that you don't have legal possession of. Wait til they decide the same system should be the approach to how air is handled.
On the bright side, I have done what I needed to despite the fear. I'm also going to oppose my desire to isolate by going out to my meditation center tonight. They have a weekly Wednesday mtg where there are some people that I really like. I think a couple also like me, lol. Additionally I am questioning my feelings. The idea here is that "feelings aren't facts." Just because I feel unsafe, it is not necessarily the case that I am unsafe. I am out of the old, painful situation, and I cannot be trapped again because I know what to say now. I still feel pretty uncomfortable, but I think I will also feel better later for having stood up to the fear in the process.
