How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[LumberJack]

I think I overexerted myself today. I did get plenty done, but I've been feeling progressively worse since probably 2-2.5 hrs ago. I am having flashbacks of what happened in the psych unit. It's really painful. Also feeling more than a little bit down on myself. Just feel like I can't even take care of myself so how can I be anything but trouble for anyone else? Also lonely and in need of face to face interaction, ideally involving hugs or some other form of touch. Honestly thinking of scheduling a massage for just that reason, but at the same time that idea feels just a little creepy (?) - like I'm perfectly able to separate sexual and non-sexual touch and I know from experience that I do NOT sexualize massage. This is primarily because I first experienced massage via my physical therapist referring to someone for myofascial release to help recover from an injury. If you've ever had that, you know it is not something you would want to have at a spa, or even without taking a tylenol or advil ahead of time because it's moderately uncomfortable. As in, not as bad as the topical anesthetic wearing off halfway through a root canal, but intense enough to have to look to that level of pain to say, well it's at least not that bad. Anyway, apparently my mind is also all over the place although I have been pulling myself back from the resentment episodes relatively sooner than average.

At the end of all that, I feel overwhelmed by my troubles: financial, social, and legal. All I need next is for my car to break down or another huge dental expense. I just don't want to fight it anymore. Not giving up, as I have taken that off the table. Just saying that I'm not in a good place and I don't see a feasible path through this. Maybe I'll figure that out later, though. It kind of feels better to beat myself up, because, well I feel so badly that I must have done something wrong. Then I realize that I don't like being treated like that, so why would I do it to myself? Maybe that's the only thing I have.

 

[cymbele]

I’m needing some more social interaction than usual. I miss work for that reason. Maybe after the hip surgery I can go back to work. One day like today (sunny, warm, and being busy helps) isn’t too much but it was solitary work and I feel so morose. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

 

[ChimeraMonster]

It's been a while.
I feel... Stuck and unwanted I guess

 

[nicktheundoer]

Woke up this morning and noticed that I am feeling better. Not good, but at least the fear is less intense. My intrusive thoughts are like a drill sergeant barking orders at me to kill myself interspersed with negative affirmations like, “You are worthless!!! You are a mess!!! You f**k up everything!!!”

For a change, though, I am not as distressed. I am able to just look at that drill sergeant as an overtired toddler who is screaming and yelling because he has feelings he doesn’t know how to express. It’s really tiring to have a whiny toddler in my head, but it’s nothing to fear.

I'm happy for you that you're getting control of this..may you get better and better and be happy..and u don't need to listen to those thoughts, ryt? I wish u full healing and happiness..

 

[nicktheundoer]

Sad and tired, being worn down by anxiety.

I'm so sorry Avidfan..I have anxiety too..I get insecure when I have anxiety. I hope that u can be freed from this..maybe take deep breaths when you're having anxiety and maybe affirm something positive or any God's or Buddha's mantra..it helps..

 

[nicktheundoer]

It's been a while.
I feel... Stuck and unwanted I guess

You're wanted and needed..

 

[nicktheundoer]

I’m needing some more social interaction than usual. I miss work for that reason. Maybe after the hip surgery I can go back to work. One day like today (sunny, warm, and being busy helps) isn’t too much but it was solitary work and I feel so morose. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Hang on.. )))

 

[nicktheundoer]

I'm nervous. I emailed my advisor about something time-sensitive, but she hasn't gotten back to me.

) it'll be okay. )))

 

[nicktheundoer]

Sending hugs to anyone who would like hugs

Thanks May..hugs back...

 

[nicktheundoer]

sleep deprived. as always. what makes it worse is that I'm almost constantly hallucinating thanks to schizophrenia; which makes it harder to sleep, and that lack of sleep causes me to hallucinate even more.

idk what else to write my brain is fucking mush lol

Don't worry.. ) I have schizophrenia as well..I'll pray for u..may we survive this and be happy..

 

[nicktheundoer]

I don't know what to do with life. My whole life has turned upside down after some event..I used to study alright..now everything is difficult for me(studying,maybe doing a job)

 

[Lane]

I don't know what to do with life. My whole life has turned upside down after some event..I used to study alright..now everything is difficult for me(studying,maybe doing a job)

Sorry to hear youre having a hard time @nicktheundoer. Please dont give up hope.

 

[Lane]

It's been a while.
I feel... Stuck and unwanted I guess

We're here for you @ChimeraMonster.

 

[nicktheundoer]

Sorry to hear youre having a hard time @nicktheundoer. Please dont give up hope.

Thanks Lane..

 

[AvidFan]

Awful. Overlooked. Alone. Unwanted. Obsolete.

 

[Winslow]

Although I don't have everything I want, but I'm satisfied with what I already have.

 

[LumberJack]

Thank you @LumberJack. I'll depict the drill sargeant screaming at the toddler, oand maybe add a second image with the toddler turning the tables, becoming 8 feet tall and scream until the drill sargeant cowers.

I fully support your right to take it in whichever direction it suits you. Just FYI, though, it's not that the drill sergeant and toddler were separate characters. It was more like a shift in how I was relating to the drill sergeant such that he moved from a fearsome and unreasonable authority figure into a small but moody child. IDK if that helps - but again I'm not going to suggest you not to make it your own, lol. In fact I would rather see more creativity than less.

 

[Windhover]

Just odd, lonely, and slightly numb, removed from myself because I've been avoiding something for a long time. I should feel grateful for the level of health though whenever I think of it there's anxiety, am I at a good balance or am I not doing enough. I don't need or want advice, these aren't questions, just feelings.

 

[LumberJack]

Awful. Overlooked. Alone. Unwanted. Obsolete.

I know that feeling. Emphasis on the loneliness, JFC.

 

[Windhover]

Oh I guess I was typing a post while you were writing @LumberJack. No worries - as I said, I appreciate the creation of the descriptive narrrative and it is yours. I think it'd make a great cartoon or web-comic series. : )