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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
- Start date
I'm afraid to go kayaking by myself. I don't know why. Well, the past two times I have fallen into the water getting out of the kayak and I won't have anyone to help exit gracefully. Also leg is still hurting but that's an excuse I can get by. I also don't like going alone. So I guess I'll put the kayak back in the yard and sulk today. Love to all.
Feeling really down and depressed and cant function. I left work early again cause its so hard function. Im so lazy and feel like a bum so im trying to stay away from people. Its better for everyone else if i stay away cause im in a bad spot and don't anybody to feel the same way. I feel like im just a problem when I'm around people like I got a disease. It really sucks bring suicidal and depressed. Nothing good happens nomore. Everything just fell apart and ruined me. I lost everything and everyone I cared bout. Loosing my kids as im losing myself. I really got nothing. Life for me sucks and I hate it. Everyday I wonder why am I here. I cant even answer that question tho. I got nothing for that question. Sry im so down and sry im causing problems here to. 
Okay I'm going to be preachy, so please skip if you're not in the mood for that. I'm not going to put it in spoiler tags because I want anyone else considering a similar plan to see this.
TL;DR - I strongly feel that your fear of going kayaking alone is healthy, and it would be enormously concerning it you were not afraid of that. This is doubly so in the case of your current injury.
The full enchilada:
When I read the post I quoted, I felt my anxiety shoot up. I'm an outdoors enthusiast, which is why I have studied up on everything I can find regarding safety. Based on this I have a strong sense that it is not a good idea to go kayaking, or really anywhere in the wilderness or somewhat wilderness, alone. Ever.
The reasoning is that you could become injured or in distress (e.g. heat stroke) while out there and you would want a buddy with you to get you to safety and call for/locate help. And activities on the water, especially river related (I don't know if you're going down rivers or kayaking on lakes), having someone by your side (and you by their side, ofc) could mean the difference between a minor injury and a drowning. Kayaks have a nasty habit (at least with me, lol) of turning the rider upside down at any moment. If the environment you're in does not have any risk of head injury should that happen, and/or you have spent a ton of money on a really good helmet*, then the buddy system could be reduced to at least having someone in city who knows where you are and when you'll be home. Make the arrangement to call this person when you're back and have them contact help if you haven't checked in by a certain time.
* - Helmets do prevent some injuries, but a nasty head knock may still impair one's ability to reach safety.
Please forgive the lecturing, but I really hate hearing about people getting lost or injured in a national park or similar. Mother nature is somewhere any human needs to be from time to time, but she must be respected in the form of handling safety ahead of time. Also weather conditions, and preparedness for surprises.
okay end of rant. BTW, I would bet this is not new info to you, but it might be to someone else. Okay I'm going to do some deep breathing now.... 
TL;DR - I strongly feel that your fear of going kayaking alone is healthy, and it would be enormously concerning it you were not afraid of that. This is doubly so in the case of your current injury.
The full enchilada:
When I read the post I quoted, I felt my anxiety shoot up. I'm an outdoors enthusiast, which is why I have studied up on everything I can find regarding safety. Based on this I have a strong sense that it is not a good idea to go kayaking, or really anywhere in the wilderness or somewhat wilderness, alone. Ever.
The reasoning is that you could become injured or in distress (e.g. heat stroke) while out there and you would want a buddy with you to get you to safety and call for/locate help. And activities on the water, especially river related (I don't know if you're going down rivers or kayaking on lakes), having someone by your side (and you by their side, ofc) could mean the difference between a minor injury and a drowning. Kayaks have a nasty habit (at least with me, lol) of turning the rider upside down at any moment. If the environment you're in does not have any risk of head injury should that happen, and/or you have spent a ton of money on a really good helmet*, then the buddy system could be reduced to at least having someone in city who knows where you are and when you'll be home. Make the arrangement to call this person when you're back and have them contact help if you haven't checked in by a certain time.
* - Helmets do prevent some injuries, but a nasty head knock may still impair one's ability to reach safety.
Please forgive the lecturing, but I really hate hearing about people getting lost or injured in a national park or similar. Mother nature is somewhere any human needs to be from time to time, but she must be respected in the form of handling safety ahead of time. Also weather conditions, and preparedness for surprises.
okay end of rant. BTW, I would bet this is not new info to you, but it might be to someone else. Okay I'm going to do some deep breathing now....
Feeling really down and depressed and cant function. I left work early again cause its so hard function. Im so lazy and feel like a bum so im trying to stay away from people. Its better for everyone else if i stay away cause im in a bad spot and don't anybody to feel the same way. I feel like im just a problem when I'm around people like I got a disease. It really sucks bring suicidal and depressed. Nothing good happens nomore. Everything just fell apart and ruined me. I lost everything and everyone I cared bout. Loosing my kids as im losing myself. I really got nothing. Life for me sucks and I hate it. Everyday I wonder why am I here. I cant even answer that question tho. I got nothing for that question. Sry im so down and sry im causing problems here to.
It's the same damn thing for me with my substance abuse recovery meetings. When I'm thinking about relapsing or trying out some new addictive behavior, I do not feel like heading into a meeting. I've learned to recognize this signal, again through counseling, and when I do get to a meeting when it's the last place I want to be, then I invariably come away feeling quite relieved and glad I did get some contact with others who understand. This is the same if I didn't even talk during the "sharing" portion of the meeting, and if I do share, I'm not obligated to discuss the immediate temptation.
I'm loathe to dispense advice because I have no idea what's going on aside from letters on a glowing screen. However, in this case (and also in immediately prior post re: outdoors safety), I'm talking about things that apply to any single human being except a very young one. In this way I do not need to have a whole picture, because all I need to know is that you are affected by the human condition.
I feel pretty bad. Very sad and depressed, put up a whole other thread just about this. Also today I have been feeling like I'm jumping out of my own skin when startled. Like I was walking outside today and a large truck came to a stop, but because of the building, I had not spotted it yet. When I heard the characteristic brakes squeak of most things with over 2 axles, I know I left the ground and my hands went into a defensive posture. This was a reflex so it was over before I even knew it was happening. Unfortunately, there was a young woman with a couple young children in tow about 100 ft in front of me. I really hope that my exaggerated startle did not make her think I was also prone to any scary behaviors.
I get that being with people make you safe so don't end up doing things you shouldn't be. I just feel like a burden a problem to who ever im with cause so depressed nomatter what I do. I think bout everything all day. Im jammed up bad and stuck. I appreciate the input but I really cant be around people adding i got the worst luck. Dont want that rubbing off on someone else. Especially people I like. Which is everyone. I have my kids this weekend so gonna try hang out with them even tho its hard knowing it might last time I see them. My ex is trying to stop me from seeing them because im suicidal. I mean she ain't lying im struggling with suicide. Thats why I struggle everynight cause it might last time I see them. I see all kinds of crazy stuff which makes me bug out. Sry I keep going. Im a little stressed out. Have a good night
Severely unwell and terrified. I managed to go into work yesterday but was exhausted. I got home, ate a bit, and went to bed at 8pm. I fell asleep immediately and woke up 14 minutes later. Stayed in bed till 9am this morning but only got a few more snatches of sleep. Don't feel any better - fatigue, nausea, etc. My guts are in turmoil. Not sure what is infection and what antibiotic side effects. Overnight I was peeing every 2 minutes. Now not peeing much at all. Trying to keep hydrating. I know I've got a uti but this feels like more is going on. My home dipstick was reassuring - until the last one wasn't. My worse fear of things getting worse on the weekend with doctor shut is coming to pass. I fear I will end up at the emergency room but don't even have the energy to decide whether to put that in motion. Overall I just feel horrible. For someone with health anxiety who monitors every symptom this is a perfect cluster fuck 😟
I get that being with people make you safe so don't end up doing things you shouldn't be. I just feel like a burden a problem to who ever im with cause so depressed nomatter what I do. I think bout everything all day. Im jammed up bad and stuck. I appreciate the input but I really cant be around people adding i got the worst luck. Dont want that rubbing off on someone else. Especially people I like. Which is everyone. I have my kids this weekend so gonna try hang out with them even tho its hard knowing it might last time I see them. My ex is trying to stop me from seeing them because im suicidal. I mean she ain't lying im struggling with suicide. Thats why I struggle everynight cause it might last time I see them. I see all kinds of crazy stuff which makes me bug out. Sry I keep going. Im a little stressed out. Have a good night
The thing is that people in general want to help one another. There are, of course, sociopaths, Narcissistic PD affected individuals, and others with a trauma history that has taught them to make sure to get what's "mine" before anyone else can take it from them. These might be a significant portion of humans when taken as a whole, but really this is much more rare than our depression wants us to imagine. Therefore, for the most part the people who I love also love me and, like myself, would not be burdened if I should need help. When I look at it this way, it's sort of like I'm denying everyone the opportunity to help if I don't reach out. At this point, I realize you have an endless array of counter-reasons, but I'm not trying to convince you. Instead I'm trying to present another perspective, because this is what has helped me start to climb out of this hell I'm in with depression.
Have to admit that I was suddenly feeling better last night. Like the depression sort of lifted for a while. Sort of like a break in a thunderstorm where the clouds disperse somewhat. I don't have time to write too much about it, but I still feel better today. I know I must do a large amount of work to keep this moving in the right direction, but I am overjoyed to see any movement at all. 
