How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[LumberJack]

.... Not even left the house today, I might try to get a little night walk.

Same here but it's only 3:30 PM. I have not been getting out much, but I have had more dental/ etc type appointments than is usual this week. I thought about going up to higher elevation to get outdoors without immediately getting heatstroke (hyperbolically), but I then realized I don't have trail shoes. Went shopping online. Those are expensive. Going to check thrift stores but not while the sun is out, holy crap.

 

[AvidFan]

I am in bed. Going to read my post apocalyptic book to soothe me to sleep 🤓

 

[LumberJack]

I feel alright as long as I stay busy, but I have to kind of force myself to initiate an activity since motivation isn't really there. I pretty much cannot let my mind wander.

I am not sure whether this is a CBT concept or from somewhere else, but I have been advised by peers that, "motivation follows action." You'll rarely find motivation before you've physically started on something.

This is the principle that underlies the technique of setting a timer for 5-10 min, or even 3 if more is out of reach for you at that moment. You commit to doing something and nothing else until the timer goes off, and then decide from there whether to finish or if you're just not up for it.

In certain tasks, you could also start with a small number of objects, such as I'm going to put away at least 3 items that are not where they belong. When I've tried this, I almost get too much motivation and do more and more without taking breaks appropriately. Taking breaks is also necessary. Using the timer method has the same effect.

Just my own results with this technique, but that's also what others in my radius have reported after trying it. I have yet to hear from someone who got to the end of 10 minutes and still felt demotivated after that.

 

[LumberJack]

I am in bed. Going to read my post apocalyptic book to soothe me to sleep 🤓

IIRC you have anxiety that makes it very hard for you to get any amount of sleep. I hope you're not reading The Stand by Stephen King. It's from a USA perspective and I devoured it when I was younger. Thing is, this story is eerily, almost preternaturally, echoed by the current political situation at the national level. I am at least 60% confident that reading this at bedtime is a recipe for nightmares, that is, as long as you do manage to nod off....

Sleep well!

 

[FlamingoWrangler]

i am more alone than usual today. I hoped to do something today. something for me. Something to feel less empty.
It seems like it would be a relief to be heard. To interact with a human. let go of the disappointment I feel. I hear the voice that says I shouldn’t waste time or money. I would bother others, embarrass myself, embarrass my family.
I hoped to go somewhere and smile, laugh. maybe see someone else smile & laugh. I want to know that there is life beyond my sadness. It feels impossible. I Just cry.
I wanted to get a meal outside of my home. Carry out or something. I can’t even make that happen…. I am wasting money on food, fuel, etc.
I spent an hour do this post. I question everything too much. Every word. I will post this. Then leave the forum, afraid - even when I know there is compassion & kindness here. I am sorry.

 

[AvidFan]

i am more alone than usual today. I hoped to do something today. something for me. Something to feel less empty.
It seems like it would be a relief to be heard. To interact with a human. let go of the disappointment I feel. I hear the voice that says I shouldn’t waste time or money. I would bother others, embarrass myself, embarrass my family.
I hoped to go somewhere and smile, laugh. maybe see someone else smile & laugh. I want to know that there is life beyond my sadness. It feels impossible. I Just cry.
I wanted to get a meal outside of my home. Carry out or something. I can’t even make that happen…. I am wasting money on food, fuel, etc.
I spent an hour do this post. I question everything too much. Every word. I will post this. Then leave the forum, afraid - even when I know there is compassion & kindness here. I am sorry.

No need to be sorry. I'm sorry you're afraid and alone and hope posting helped in some small way. Sounds like things are rough for you at the moment

 

[AvidFan]

IIRC you have anxiety that makes it very hard for you to get any amount of sleep. I hope you're not reading The Stand by Stephen King. It's from a USA perspective and I devoured it when I was younger. Thing is, this story is eerily, almost preternaturally, echoed by the current political situation at the national level. I am at least 60% confident that reading this at bedtime is a recipe for nightmares, that is, as long as you do manage to nod off....

Sleep well!

Thanks. It's not The Stand though have read it twice. Ironically when a student or unemployed I would read Stephen King until 5am then sleep like a baby. There's certainly a dark man and other nightmares out there though! I'm reading one of those long rambling self published amazon epics where they get paid per page or something. 1000 pages to tell a 250 page story. Great for trying to get sleepy 😂

 

[Angie]

i am more alone than usual today. I hoped to do something today. something for me. Something to feel less empty.
It seems like it would be a relief to be heard. To interact with a human. let go of the disappointment I feel. I hear the voice that says I shouldn’t waste time or money. I would bother others, embarrass myself, embarrass my family.
I hoped to go somewhere and smile, laugh. maybe see someone else smile & laugh. I want to know that there is life beyond my sadness. It feels impossible. I Just cry.
I wanted to get a meal outside of my home. Carry out or something. I can’t even make that happen…. I am wasting money on food, fuel, etc.
I spent an hour do this post. I question everything too much. Every word. I will post this. Then leave the forum, afraid - even when I know there is compassion & kindness here. I am sorry.

I hear you. Please don't be afraid. We cherish and care about you.

 

[KM76710]

i am more alone than usual today. I hoped to do something today. something for me. Something to feel less empty.
It seems like it would be a relief to be heard. To interact with a human. let go of the disappointment I feel. I hear the voice that says I shouldn’t waste time or money. I would bother others, embarrass myself, embarrass my family.
I hoped to go somewhere and smile, laugh. maybe see someone else smile & laugh. I want to know that there is life beyond my sadness. It feels impossible. I Just cry.
I wanted to get a meal outside of my home. Carry out or something. I can’t even make that happen…. I am wasting money on food, fuel, etc.
I spent an hour do this post. I question everything too much. Every word. I will post this. Then leave the forum, afraid - even when I know there is compassion & kindness here. I am sorry.

No need to feel sorry, not with us. You are with us and one of us and a welcome one at that. It is bad that you don't have more things in life that pleases you. You deserve to have them and I hope that better times are ahead in person and glad you know this is a place you always have a spot.

 

[may71]

Sending hugs to anyone who would like hugs

 

[may71]

i am more alone than usual today. I hoped to do something today. something for me. Something to feel less empty.
It seems like it would be a relief to be heard. To interact with a human. let go of the disappointment I feel. I hear the voice that says I shouldn’t waste time or money. I would bother others, embarrass myself, embarrass my family.
I hoped to go somewhere and smile, laugh. maybe see someone else smile & laugh. I want to know that there is life beyond my sadness. It feels impossible. I Just cry.
I wanted to get a meal outside of my home. Carry out or something. I can’t even make that happen…. I am wasting money on food, fuel, etc.
I spent an hour do this post. I question everything too much. Every word. I will post this. Then leave the forum, afraid - even when I know there is compassion & kindness here. I am sorry.

I have heard you. I am sad that you want to leave SF.

 

[seabird]

i am more alone than usual today. I hoped to do something today. something for me. Something to feel less empty.
It seems like it would be a relief to be heard. To interact with a human. let go of the disappointment I feel. I hear the voice that says I shouldn’t waste time or money. I would bother others, embarrass myself, embarrass my family.
I hoped to go somewhere and smile, laugh. maybe see someone else smile & laugh. I want to know that there is life beyond my sadness. It feels impossible. I Just cry.
I wanted to get a meal outside of my home. Carry out or something. I can’t even make that happen…. I am wasting money on food, fuel, etc.
I spent an hour do this post. I question everything too much. Every word. I will post this. Then leave the forum, afraid - even when I know there is compassion & kindness here. I am sorry.

Please stay.
I'm not smiley much lately, but I offer to listen.
(h)

 

[cymbele]

I had dinner with my needy friend tonight. He is still depressed about life and choices he has made in the past. I was not a good friend tonight. He probably took a shower but failed to use his deorderant. He chews while he’s talking. He has no idea how he presents hImyself to others yet he is so lonely and he won’t take care. He is paralyzed with fear about making any decisions to better his mental health. I tried but I was too consumed by guilt that I had the lifestyle he wants but he didn’t put the effort in when he was younger so there’s little I can do.

I tried to talk about his life and feelings but he shut down. I’m afraid to talk about my life because I feel he is envious of me. So after dinner we watched a tv show together and didn’t talk.
i feel like i should have reached out more but i am also afraid of being dragged down by his depression. He just radiates depression. And I am sensitive to it.

I guess all I can do is to remain in touch and be there. I wrote about this last year in a separate thread. But I feel depressed about him.

 

[PrincessPure]

Spoiler

Despite being a foreigner where I live and speaking Italian with an accent, I never felt uncomfortable or like a second class citizen at all. People cry about Europeans being racist and I never felt one little bit of that in my 4 years here. Meanwhile while living Iran and not believing in Islam, and being a girl on top of that, I felt like a second class citizen everyday. Such a pity that I love the city in which I grew up or that my parents can’t seem to let go of Iran, or I’d never even go back tbh.

 

[seabird]

You're kind to keep in touch with your friend. On the other had, I'd say that it is a very fine line to walk in that situation @cymbele. That's good you're keeping a boundary, keeping very aware of how the depression can jump ship so to speak and bring you down.
It'd be impossible for me to eat a meal with someone who had strong b.o., so that's just one of the issues you put yourself up against.

 

[seabird]

I should've fought for what I had, and now it is too late.

 

[DarkNightshade]

I am not sure whether this is a CBT concept or from somewhere else, but I have been advised by peers that, "motivation follows action." You'll rarely find motivation before you've physically started on something.

This is the principle that underlies the technique of setting a timer for 5-10 min, or even 3 if more is out of reach for you at that moment. You commit to doing something and nothing else until the timer goes off, and then decide from there whether to finish or if you're just not up for it.

In certain tasks, you could also start with a small number of objects, such as I'm going to put away at least 3 items that are not where they belong. When I've tried this, I almost get too much motivation and do more and more without taking breaks appropriately. Taking breaks is also necessary. Using the timer method has the same effect.

Just my own results with this technique, but that's also what others in my radius have reported after trying it. I have yet to hear from someone who got to the end of 10 minutes and still felt demotivated after that.

Thanks for the detailed info. This is basically behavioral activation, which I have indeed used in the past during deep depressions. Usually, I use a simple approach in bad times, which is to just start simple: power the vacuum cleaner; opened the software to continue such and such project; get the mat out of the closet to workout; put your shoes on; etc. And, you're right, it sets you in motion which often leads to you completing the task. A small caveat: it may actually generate no motivation at all, which is often the case (for me) in severe episodes. In this case, it's very important to just acknowledge that you actually started the task, which is already a small success (as opposed to blame yourself for failing to complete it).

 

[puffymilk]

I feel okay, I think

 

[DarkNightshade]

Yesterday at night I felt very alone in the world. I don't feel lonely in general, but I often feel like a mistake of the universe.

 

[Lane]

i am more alone than usual today. I hoped to do something today. something for me. Something to feel less empty.
It seems like it would be a relief to be heard. To interact with a human. let go of the disappointment I feel. I hear the voice that says I shouldn’t waste time or money. I would bother others, embarrass myself, embarrass my family.
I hoped to go somewhere and smile, laugh. maybe see someone else smile & laugh. I want to know that there is life beyond my sadness. It feels impossible. I Just cry.
I wanted to get a meal outside of my home. Carry out or something. I can’t even make that happen…. I am wasting money on food, fuel, etc.
I spent an hour do this post. I question everything too much. Every word. I will post this. Then leave the forum, afraid - even when I know there is compassion & kindness here. I am sorry.

I hope you stay on SF. You are someone special here. I also hope things get easier IRL.