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I can't control myself

Discussion in 'I Need Empathy and Compassion (No advice wanted)' started by BlueTyger, Jan 2, 2018.

  1. BlueTyger

    BlueTyger Active Member

    I'm not good at writing so let's just get right into it.

    I just randomly shouted at my family. They didn't do anything wrong, they just said the wrong things in the wrong moment. I shouted, I hit the fridge with my hands, I don't know why, I didn't think. Went upstairs, slammed the door and know I'm lying in the dark feeling guilty. I'm such an idiot. I mean I know I didn't do anything really horrible, I didn't hurt anyone (at least not physically) but this has been happing often recently. Why do I keep loosing control? I feel like this makes me weird, like a freak. An aggressive immature freak. And this is just one of the things going in my mind right now, it's just too much.

    Sorry for the rant. This probably makes no sense, and sorry about my bad english. Thanks if you read all this.
  2. Daíthí

    Daíthí What will be will be Staff Member Safety & Support SF Social Coordinator SF Supporter

    Hey Blue, I understand where you're coming from. I used to have a hair trigger temper. Sometimes we just let our emotions get the better of us, but that's something we can work on. It's all about finding the appropriate coping techniques for dealing with those feelings. It isn't easy but it can be done.
    may71 likes this.
  3. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Having, and letting out, intense emotions doesn't make you immature, nor is it necessarily something unhealthy.

    Your reaction sounds like it was much better than if you had just tried to keep a lid on your emotions.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hiya, think we've all been there. Everyone is entitled to a bad day, no one is exempt from that. You might have lost your cool, just aim to control your anger better in healthier ways, as they say, holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. You had a bad day, tomorrow might be brighter ((hugs))
  5. extraterrestrialone

    extraterrestrialone assembled words SF Supporter

    i have been unexpectedly feeling sad lately. i think maybe when things are happening in the mind, they are reflected in behavior so i’m thinking that what is happening in me may also be happening in you - just manifesting itself with a different emotion. i’m trying to see the place in the mind where this is coming from and try - if it can be done - to guide that feeling into a better place.
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2018
    drinty likes this.
  6. BlueTyger

    BlueTyger Active Member

    Thank you daíthí, may, petal and extra for all your kind words. I feel a bit better today and trying to process where yesterdays feelings and actions came from. Haven't talked to my family yet, I should probably apologise.

    Thanks again everyone for taking your time to answer!
    may71 and extraterrestrialone like this.
  7. MarkahMalady

    MarkahMalady Well-Known Member

    Sometimes stress and anxiety can express itself as anger or angry outbursts. Good luck with that apology, that's the hard part. :)
  8. Ineluki

    Ineluki The Storm King

    Hi Tyger!

    It is hard to to keep control of our tempers when we get angry. We all "go there" once in awhile. *hugs*
  9. When you hold in your emotions for too long, they explode like that. I've done it a million times.

    When I was a kid, I used to get pushed around by this other kid who hated me. One day, in gym class, he tripped me. I didn't know why at the time, but for some reason, that hurt me way more than it should have. In the locker room, another kid (unrelated stranger) asked me if I could move out of the way for him, and I was so angry that I shoved him into the lockers as hard as I could. I'll never forget the surprise and confusion on his face. He wasn't angry, just very confused.

    I wasn't mad at getting tripped. I was mad at the feeling of having no control over my life, of being tortured by that other kid and not knowing why he hated me... mad that I didn't know if it would ever end. That poor kid I shoved into the lockers had nothing to do with it, but I had held back my emotions too many times.
    extraterrestrialone likes this.
  10. Walker

    Walker Everything Zen Staff Member Safety & Support SF Social Media SF Supporter

    It sounds like you're relatively young. Triggered temper can be caused from a lot of things and it sounds like you've got a lot going on. I sense you should be able to just casually say sorry for the way you acted and go on from there with the family. People screw up, it happens all the time. If you're doing it often (the anger) then maybe that's another issue.
    Keep your head up, man. Hang in there.