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I just need to know

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Grayce

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#1
So about a year ago, I went to a friend's house. It was my friend (no names, just initials) A's house (female), our mutual friend B(male), my best friend S (female) and myself all at this little party. A's brother got us some alcohol because hey we're teenagers and like to do stupid shit.
He got us these off-brand four-locos that I can't remember the name of, but they had around 13% alcohol to a can and the cans were about he size of a monster can.
I wound up slamming mine because it was so shitty tasting and I was just like 'why not'. I can remember playing truth or dare on her bed. And mind you, I'm very conservative with my body. I hate others seeing it and I am not a sexual person. For me even kissing is weird.
It became our friend B's turn to ask someone and I was asked to take off my shirt. S and A had theirs off already, so I figured 'why not, B is a friend it's whatever'.
From that point on, I guess it was the alcohol that blurred my memory.
The next day I woke up in different clothing, damp hair and a massive hangover.
I was told that A had fingered me. And that I consented to it. But the thing is, I don't remember any of it. It makes me sick to my stomach to even think about it.
I'm still friends with her and everyone who was there. But I just need to know if that was okay or not.
I've never been raped or anything like that before, and hopefully never will. So when that all happened I was so reluctant to allow myself to come to terms with it.
Some of my other friends knew about it before I even did. Some call it rape. But I'm so conflicted. I really love them as friends, but at the same time I don't remember consenting. Not only that but we were all drunk and all made bad decisions. So I don't want to call it the r word or sexual assault, but at the same time I feel assaulted and slightly betrayed.
I just need someone to give me some advice.
 

dtc

at least that's what I keep telling myself!
#2
If you’re in a state where you can’t give consent then even if you uttered the words, my thoughts are it would be considered sexual assault. That’s the black and white for me, all the grey that you’ve got questions over only really you can answer that unfortunately.

If they were severely impaired also it doesn’t clear them of what happened, it was their choice to get that way, if they had killed you it would still be murder.

If what happened is troubling you I’d suggest you see a sexual assault councillor and get their thoughts on it and take it from there.

Take care
 
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