It’s no surprise that I want someone to see my pain. So many people want this otherwise this website wouldn’t exist.
I tried to get drunk this evening to escape my reality and then self-harm... but my body physically rejected the alcohol. And it wasn’t even that strong... so then I tried watching some movies. But I couldn’t focus. I kept getting distracted by the fact that I have to pretend I’m okay every single day.
I cut my wrists because I knew someone at work would notice and I want someone to ask... but no one has asked. This could also get me fired... I am being so reckless and irresponsible. I just want a WAY OUT.
If I lose my job, then I truly have nothing left. I have no family or friends. No one to see how much I am hurting. My therapist sucks and I’ve already been through 5. Every single one of them just see me as another case on their already over-stacked load of clients. It doesn’t matter that my BPD symptoms are at an all-time high. It doesn’t matter how vocal I am about how much I’m hurting.
They don’t see it. They won’t see it. They will never see it. Instead, they email me DBT packets and say, “Here, this’ll help.”
Every day, every night, every minute of every hour I get closer to ending it because then finally they will all see.
I tried to get drunk this evening to escape my reality and then self-harm... but my body physically rejected the alcohol. And it wasn’t even that strong... so then I tried watching some movies. But I couldn’t focus. I kept getting distracted by the fact that I have to pretend I’m okay every single day.
I cut my wrists because I knew someone at work would notice and I want someone to ask... but no one has asked. This could also get me fired... I am being so reckless and irresponsible. I just want a WAY OUT.
If I lose my job, then I truly have nothing left. I have no family or friends. No one to see how much I am hurting. My therapist sucks and I’ve already been through 5. Every single one of them just see me as another case on their already over-stacked load of clients. It doesn’t matter that my BPD symptoms are at an all-time high. It doesn’t matter how vocal I am about how much I’m hurting.
They don’t see it. They won’t see it. They will never see it. Instead, they email me DBT packets and say, “Here, this’ll help.”
Every day, every night, every minute of every hour I get closer to ending it because then finally they will all see.
