I've been stuck in a bipolar low since Thursday night. I was manic because my artwork and spoken word were being featured at a show at the university I used to attend. I was a star, I was on top of the world, I felt like god was inside me. Now I'm just really numb and I want to <mod edit - method> I came extremely close to killing myself Saturday night, I was doing so well for four months, since my last suicide attempt, even when battling schizophrenia I remained unconditionally positive. Now I just want to end my life. I'm on the right mediation, it's just inevitable, due to the severity of my illnesses, that I would experience symptom flare-ups. I've talked to all of my friends for support, and a therapist, and multiple crisis hotlines. I don't know what to do because I'm starting to feel liked I'm in danger and I don't want to bother my friends with the same problems, even though they are extremely supportive and I know that someone will talk to me. I just wish I could feel like I want to live again. I don't know how I am going to survive this depressive episode.
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