I've been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder about two years ago and now my psychiatrist said I'm also bipolar. He prescribed Sodium Valproate and I think it does help in stabilizing my moods. I can control my urge to cut myself. But now I feel down most of the time. I feel empty and nothing I do gives me any sense of satisfaction. Everyday I wake up disappointed that I'm still breathing, that I have to get up and try to go through another day and do things that do not make sense to me. Things have been very busy at school these days and it keeps my mind off how I'm going to kill myself. But it's still there, at the back of my head. If I stop memorizing and studying, it goes back on. The only thing stopping me is the fear that I will fail again and live with the consequences. It may sound selfish but this life is like a void and it takes me everything just to live one day after another. I just turned 20 today but it doesn't matter.
