Just ready to end it all

[AuroraGrace1029]

I’ve been depressed for nearly 2 years straight. Not some small “nothing feels ok” depression but a life sucking “everything is a void and no matter what I or anybody else does will make it ok” depression.

I’m not functioning. I’m not able to bathe myself, clean, enjoy life… nothing. It’s all just empty. When my life got turned sideways this past January (7 year relationship/ 4 year marriage ending), it hurt but my feelings were already so blunted by the depression the only thing I could do was cry. I couldn’t eat, drink… breathe. I’m still struggling with just basic tasks.

I’m at the point where I’ve been planning it out for a good while… I’m going to wait so I don’t interfere with the holidays of those I know and love but then I’m out. I’ll see y’all on the other side.

 

[Knickerbocker]

I'm so sorry you're in this place, I've been there more than once and I know it's absolutely terrible. One thing that's helped me is writing. Write everything. Write about your divorce, write about your feelings, write just to get it out of your head. Sometimes just writing everything out and getting it in order helps your brain start to process and make sense of things. Music also seems to help. Sometimes music just opens you up and lets you feel enough to release emotions that are keeping you stuck. A weird one for me was also googling every random thought and feeling in my head and reading everything I could. If nothing else, it might get you out of your own head for awhile.

If possible, try to set a tiny goal for every day. Brush your teeth, do a load of laundry, wash a dish, sit outside for five minutes, just one small goal a day to feel like you're doing something and don't beat yourself up if you fail. Just try again the next day. Focus as much as you can on the moment, not the past or the future. Do you have a bed to sleep in? Do you have food to eat? Do you have a favorite movie? Just focus on any tiny thing you have in the moment.

I also hope you keep reaching out. It sounds like you have some people who love you and maybe reaching out to them will help. A good friend or loved one can be a light in the dark. If you haven't already, you might try to get on medication, at least to get you through the worst of it.

If nothing else, just know that there are others out there who have gone through this or are going through it. We see you and understand. There's no shame in what you're feeling. Please just keep trying.

 

[Survivorist]

I have been there too - and it was a long way out. It happened more than once, trust me. What helped me are those short moments when - for whatever reason - I do not think about all this. I can be just a minute. Then I realised and thought why did I forget my depressions for a moment? I started from this point and added every day or week a little bit. I started to shower (except I was flying - then I had two seats for myself - no joke). From a certain moment on I just took the power to clean the apartment and it felt well. Very small steps - but they come.

Please do not forget - there is always a way out, nearly out of all situations. I wish you the power today to try only 5 minutes.

What helped a lot was walking, crying - when I came home after hours I felt better. Maybe there is something you can find for yourself which has the same effect. It is good that you are here - we hear you very clear and know what you are going through.

Courage.

 

[iloverachel]

I'm so sorry my friend
I hope things get better.
Depression is the worst