Hey everyone, I’m new to this so I’m not too sure about how this works so bare with me here...
So I’m in a relationship and have been for about a year and a month. Recently I went to a friends house who’s a girl, and a lesbian (we’ll call her sally) . I am also a girl but i am bisexual. Anyway, I promised myself I wouldn’t let anything happen between us. Because I love my boyfriend and he loves me (we’ll call him Tim). I went over to her house this weekend and everything was fine. I got drunk for the first time and didnt suffer from a hangover surprisingly. Sunday morning comes along and we were laying in bed. She’s asleep and I’m having temptation. So I wrote out my thoughts about how I wanted to do stuff blah blah blah and woke her up and asked to read it. She reads it and doesn’t talk much about it. So we go on with our day and Sunday night comes along. I have about 30 minutes until I’m about to head home since I had school in the morning (today, which was cancelled thank goodness) and here we are. I know she feels the tension in her room and she knows I feel it too. So she starts off with her hand on my thigh and it goes from there. It didn’t escalate too much, no clothes were removed and no kissing was involved. I left after saying goodbye and immediately broke down in my car. I knew what I had done. I was sober. I gave consent. I had just cheated on my boyfriend. I was in shock and so distraught at what a terrible person I’ve become...
I get home and call my boyfriend immediately. I texted “sally” and she told me she regretted everything, and so did I. She said she would explain what happened to “Tim” and I’d handle it from there. So she texts him and I call him asking if he’s read it. He said he did, and quietly asks me, “so you cheated on me..” and that broke my heart. We talked and he claimed he wasn’t tripping because it was with a girl, he said if it was a guy it would’ve been over. We’re still together but everything doesn’t feel right. Yes this is my fault. I get that..
He hasn’t texted much today, and I had a neurologist appt today because I have an undiagnosed myopathy and issues with blood pressure, autonomic system, etc. I told him everything that happened and he just tells me “yeah.” He never texts like that, he’s always sincere. It hurts me to my core and I’ve been beating myself up for it. Literally. I’ve resorted to punching my thighs as hard as I can, which is new. And ive come so close to <mod edit -cutting> (Nothing new, as I’ve been cutting for almost 6 years now) I’ve looked up so many ways on how to <mod edit -method> but most dont end in death
Writing this has helped, but at the moment I have no one to tell this to. No one I trust to talk to at all. I just need advice on how to handle this... thank you if you read all of this...
So I’m in a relationship and have been for about a year and a month. Recently I went to a friends house who’s a girl, and a lesbian (we’ll call her sally) . I am also a girl but i am bisexual. Anyway, I promised myself I wouldn’t let anything happen between us. Because I love my boyfriend and he loves me (we’ll call him Tim). I went over to her house this weekend and everything was fine. I got drunk for the first time and didnt suffer from a hangover surprisingly. Sunday morning comes along and we were laying in bed. She’s asleep and I’m having temptation. So I wrote out my thoughts about how I wanted to do stuff blah blah blah and woke her up and asked to read it. She reads it and doesn’t talk much about it. So we go on with our day and Sunday night comes along. I have about 30 minutes until I’m about to head home since I had school in the morning (today, which was cancelled thank goodness) and here we are. I know she feels the tension in her room and she knows I feel it too. So she starts off with her hand on my thigh and it goes from there. It didn’t escalate too much, no clothes were removed and no kissing was involved. I left after saying goodbye and immediately broke down in my car. I knew what I had done. I was sober. I gave consent. I had just cheated on my boyfriend. I was in shock and so distraught at what a terrible person I’ve become...
I get home and call my boyfriend immediately. I texted “sally” and she told me she regretted everything, and so did I. She said she would explain what happened to “Tim” and I’d handle it from there. So she texts him and I call him asking if he’s read it. He said he did, and quietly asks me, “so you cheated on me..” and that broke my heart. We talked and he claimed he wasn’t tripping because it was with a girl, he said if it was a guy it would’ve been over. We’re still together but everything doesn’t feel right. Yes this is my fault. I get that..
He hasn’t texted much today, and I had a neurologist appt today because I have an undiagnosed myopathy and issues with blood pressure, autonomic system, etc. I told him everything that happened and he just tells me “yeah.” He never texts like that, he’s always sincere. It hurts me to my core and I’ve been beating myself up for it. Literally. I’ve resorted to punching my thighs as hard as I can, which is new. And ive come so close to <mod edit -cutting> (Nothing new, as I’ve been cutting for almost 6 years now) I’ve looked up so many ways on how to <mod edit -method> but most dont end in death
Writing this has helped, but at the moment I have no one to tell this to. No one I trust to talk to at all. I just need advice on how to handle this... thank you if you read all of this...
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