Love is a curse.

[Dante]

In order to really get the full meaning here Im gonna have to back it up a bit, but trust me, ill get there quickly.

If there is one drive that makes humanity what it is, it is the craving for more, we want more money, tastier food, faster cars, bigger homes, better tech, and this is because we acclimatize so quickly to whatever new heights we achieve that after a little while the dream we strived for is now the norm, just the everyday, making us dream even bigger, always forgetting all the dreams we have already achieved.

The problem is when you end up going backwards.

I was happy... ish, with being single, I didnt feel incomplete, I was me and that was fine, but then, about 7 years ago I fell in love, and by that I mean kill or die for her without hesitation love, and that feeling was beyond anything I had ever experienced before, it was like I finally realized that my life was in black and white because she had come along and made everything colour, then it turned out she didnt feel the same way.

After the pain and the adjusting I can say that though my feelings for her arent gone, they are now in a form that can be safely repressed so that I can get on with my life, but that memory of being in love has haunted me ever since, I actually miss the pain I felt because at least when it hurt I still had that love in me, and now my life feels black and white again, just kinda dull. Since then I have not been satisfied with my own company, I want to be in a relationship, I hate being single, it is a curse, the curse of seeing those new heights and not being allowed to stay.

If anyone here can admit to watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer there is a perfect analogy, Buffy dies, and the gang manages after a while to resurrect her, but she is just broken inside, and it turns out that its not because she was in hell and is now traumatized, but because she was in heaven and now the living world feels like hell in comparison.

Once you have been to Heaven, Earth is like Hell, once you have felt Love, a life without it is just so lonely.

p.s. I know I didnt do "spoiler alert" but its been 16 years since that episode, if you could have given birth the day after you watched it and the kid is now legally allowed to have sex, "Spoiler Alert" has expired for this series.

 

[Sunday16]

@Dante I can really relate. I was married and madly in love, but it fell apart and I fell into a deep, dark depression. It's been four years and I'm just starting to find some peace with the loss and the fact that I'll be single the rest of my life. I expect to be single not because I don't want to find another relationship, I just don't expect to ever feel that way again. May I ask how long it's been since your relationship ended?

 

[just_some_guy]

It's been four years and I'm just starting to find some peace with the loss and the fact that I'll be single the rest of my life.

I'm a little more than two years out of my marriage. And it sucks. I hate that it ended. But I am trying to move on and meet new people. I think I'm still young enough (barely!) that I could start a new family if only I could meet someone soon. But I am finding that women don't seem all that interested in long term relationships, let alone marriage and starting families. That alone is depressing.

 

[Sunday16]

Hmm, yeah I guess I'm one of those kind of women. I'm not closed off to the idea, just not "looking" for it. If I met the right person then I would be open to it and I think a lot of women feel this way, so don't give up on us. You may not have met the right woman yet. Remember how long it took to meet her the first time around? Right now I'm learning to love myself again and I think that's more important than finding another relationship. It may sound trite but you should focus on this, too. If I learned anything from my marriage it's that the only person I can really rely on is myself (and my parents.) Please know you are not alone, I hope you can find some peace, you will, the pain gets easier to bear with time. Be good to yourself and, hell, do whatever you want! Go to a concert or on vacation, do things YOU want to do and own it! I wish you all the very, very best as one broken hearted human to another. {{Hugs}}

 

[JCC988]

I've never loved and been loved in return with someone other than my parents. I'd give anything for that perfect feeling. My time living by myself collapsed partly because I was not loved in the new city.