Musings, ideas, what are you thinking about?

[AmberMarie]

Kinda on the same page lately , if you're okay sending you a hug ( I understand our context can be different , I hope this will not be coming out as me making this about myself , that's not my intention. If you felt like this , you can let me know )

Take care

Definitely ok with hugs and appreciate what you said. It's good to know one is not alone... also sad to know.

 

[Gonz]

I open my rectangular door to expose my hallway; a rectangular portal stretching near forever. At the end of it, another rectangular doorway leading to a room with a rectangular mirror and a jumble of rectangular picture frames within.

Mushrooms have turned needing to pee into a German expressionist hellscape.

 

[Gonz]

I need you people to understand that I am rereading the above post and it is melting before my very eyes so if you want to talk about it and you have waffles then I’m gonna have to come down there.

 

[seabird]

I open my rectangular door to expose my hallway; a rectangular portal stretching near forever. At the end of it, another rectangular doorway leading to a room with a rectangular mirror and a jumble of rectangular picture frames within.

Mushrooms have turned needing to pee into a German expressionist hellscape.

This description, not including the last sentence, lol, gives me an abstract image to paint.

Also have you read The Poetics of Space, by Gaston Bachelard?

 

[Inastorm]

Came across this really interesting statement last night, while doing a bit of research.

"Some of us are serial interest acquirers - we deep dive on a topic until we are satisfied about our knowledge level, then we drop it and move onto something else".

Sums up my life, which is a positive thing I've learnt about myself. I always thought there was something wrong with me that I did this.

 

[3nufk1n.sheepies]

I wish I was emotionally unavailable so badly.
I hate being overly emotional in the same way my fellow trans males would hate having huge tits and desperatelt want em removed

It really triggers me every time I speak to ambulance people or coppers (they always talk weird. Like robotic and infantilising) and mention that i smoke weed sometimes they are always "is that to chill you out" because I appear so frantic 😭😭😭😭😭 its unbearable I want to appear expressionless SO BADLY i cant accept being this way at all

whenever i vent to someone in any context it instantly makes my distress 400000x worse whenever they respond with "ok".
I WANT TO BE THE PERSON THAT SAYS THAT, NOT RECEIVES THAT

ITS SO DYSPHORIC

 

[seabird]

Not a querie, a rhetorical musing. Why is it that a seemingly insignificant encounter can cause a spike in anxiety. There ought to be metaphorical bollards in place in my mind, not these direct shortcuts to triggers.

 

[Gonz]

This description, not including the last sentence, lol, gives me an abstract image to paint.

Also have you read The Poetics of Space, by Gaston Bachelard?

I haven’t, but I just read about it and I’ll have to add it to the list. Is it wrong that I’m as interested in Danielewski’s foreword as the rest of the book itself?

 

[seabird]

Always it is fine to find interest, I think so anyway.

You've reminded me that I want to read House of Leaves. My copy's intro is written by someone else.

Hope you are doing well @Gonz.

 

[Shelly]

I am practicing self-regulation to maintain my sanity and inner peace, because the stress brought me nothing but weight gain, high blood pressure, asthma, panic attacks and eczema flare ups.

Am I controlling my GAD. I guess.

Am I avoiding responsibility… minimizing, not avoiding.

 

[Baywasp]

I was scrolling on Youtube and glimpsed a short where the thumbnail said "All women are queens" but I read it as "All worms are queens"

 

[seabird]

This is not overly long, and it's affirming and interesting so I thought I'd link it here.

Who are you?

 

[Auri]

Some people in the West still believe Eastern European countries are 2nd or 3rd world.

 

[3nufk1n.sheepies]

Why am i writing this here
not chatgpt
not private entries

if a loved one died and you were devastated by it would you randomly share it to strangers without them asking? no, ive never heard or seen anyone do that

i feel very, very dysphoric about oversharing

I attended this transgender support group thing yesterday.
I immediately got hurt because everyone surrounding me resembled my ideal self in some way.
So i began to vent.
This person complimented me for being a man that talks about feelings openly in a world where its frowned upon hence male suicide rate is higher. She told me that everyone in this room is struggling as well but I am the only one that talks about it, hence there is no reason to be jealoused (that trigegred me because i want to be perceived as low maintenance, not wanting to live a luxury life and naively stupidly thinking everyone elses life is way mroe sunshine and rainbows than mine is. I envy people for traits and qualities I wsnted in myself, not so much their lives)
That made me feel even more distressed (so did being described as "lively").

I ve never hesrd anyone talk about this, I feel like i am the only person that has this ongoing problem. I experience dysphoria about not only my gender (that is being transgender - wanting to be the opposite sex) but also my personality (that is being transtypal - wanting to become a different typology)

I used to use PDB all of the time i was heavily addicted to it.
I noticed how every person I wanted to be, every aesthetic I liked, everything that resomated with me everything that made me think either "I like this" or "I want to be like this" leaned mroe towards Ti / Ni e5 e9. and meanwhile everything i didnt want to associate with was more Fe Se e2 e6.

hence I desperately really really really want to have a different personality. I want to reduce emotional availabolity and oversharing, reduce overemotionaltiy, increase logical and lateral thinking, and increase daydreaming and DP DR.

 

[KM76710]

Some people in the West still believe Eastern European countries are 2nd or 3rd world.

View attachment 73441

I looked up some other pictures, that is beautiful done on the arrangements and how things are laid out.

 

[seabird]

That's incredible @Auri.

 

[seabird]

I was thinking some more about the pic of the subway @Auri posted. If this (westsern coast US huge city) had a subway system I'd be able to get around it and do the things I want and need to do. So who's the 2nd and 3rd world now. Also it made me remember that my grandfather's family came from Poland. : )

 

[Fbr27]

#SuicideAwarenessMonth and I think I will never actually do the deed because I don't have a home movie smiling and acting silly around my family.

 

[3nufk1n.sheepies]

rick and morty deer scene triggers me

i find it EXTREMELY painful to appear frantic, hysterical, easily panicked, very visibly anxious over petty mattsrs, over reacting to other people in ant context

i desperstely want tk appear soft calm voice, very chilled out, calm in crisis, so badly

i want to be someone with a low tolerance for visible emotion

i want to be emotionally unavailable so badly

id beg for surgery on my brain to fuck with the amygdala or something

am i wrong or are the standards for being dramatic getting lower and lower

or am i inherently an extremely dramatic person but i refuse to accept acknowledge it because its too painful

did it count

when i was crying in a bus station and the person trying to comfort me said i was having a meltdown
or when i was in a corner shop. when i saw this guy i moved in case he wanted past, yet he told me to calm down because he never wanted to go down the aisle in the first place
or that time i scored a bit of ket. when i asked for confirmation that the dealer was coming the telegram messages included "calm" (T0T)

 

[Gonz]

Some people in the West still believe Eastern European countries are 2nd or 3rd world.

View attachment 73441

You call that a subway station? Where’s the rust, where’s the graffiti? I bet you can’t find even one public masturbator, and there isn’t so much as the faintest smell of urine. Pfft.