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My brain sometimes makes me feel like I don’t love my boyfriend

CBunny9

Well-Known Member
#1
i don’t really know how to explain this.

I don’t really know where to start. I guess by saying that I know with 100% certainty that I am so so in love with my boyfriend and I know he loves me and I could gush about him forever.

But when I’m feeling particularly depressed or dissociative all of those feelings seem to disappear. To the point where I consider breaking up with him. I never act on these feelings because logically I know that it’s just be because I’m not feeling like myself, but it’s distressing and frustrating, especially since I’ve been so up and down lately.

Does anyone else get like this?

Is this just part of losing interest in things that normally make me feel good?

Tbh I’m at a point where I’m aware that it’s my brain that’s making me feel all these awful and confusing ways and I am just SO FRUSTRATED WITH MY MENTAL ILLNESS LOL
 

Aurelia

Will you love me or leave me forever?
#2
You've said you suspected you had BPD before. What you describe is an example of switching from idealization to devaluation. It's part of "black and white" thinking.
 

CBunny9

Well-Known Member
#3
You've said you suspected you had BPD before. What you describe is an example of switching from idealization to devaluation. It's part of "black and white" thinking.
It gets really upsetting because I start to question what’s real and what I’m just imagining or inventing. :( I want to bring up with my therapist that I think I have BPD but she doesn’t like me self diagnosing, and I’m afraid of her telling me I’m wrong and being back at square one of trying to understand myself.
 

Aurelia

Will you love me or leave me forever?
#4
It gets really upsetting because I start to question what’s real and what I’m just imagining or inventing. :( I want to bring up with my therapist that I think I have BPD but she doesn’t like me self diagnosing, and I’m afraid of her telling me I’m wrong and being back at square one of trying to understand myself.
Have you considered getting a psychiatrist to diagnose you? Mine misdiagnosed me at first and I pretty much had to self-diagnose, and then bring it up, in order for him to re-diagnose me properly. Your therapist is free to not like it all she wants. If you're a self-aware and perceptive person, then you know you can trust your own judgment about what your issues are.
 

CBunny9

Well-Known Member
#5
Have you considered getting a psychiatrist to diagnose you? Mine misdiagnosed me at first and I pretty much had to self-diagnose, and then bring it up, in order for him to re-diagnose me properly. Your therapist is free to not like it all she wants. If you're a self-aware and perceptive person, then you know you can trust your own judgment about what your issues are.
My psychiatrist told me I have Histrionic Personality Disorder, which basically made me feel like she was saying “You’re just dramatic”. She doesn’t like me self diagnosing either. I don’t know. I might just keep it to myself. But also I’m not responding to my meds anymore. So maybe I should try to bring it up. I just don’t want her to get angry.
 

Aurelia

Will you love me or leave me forever?
#6
My psychiatrist told me I have Histrionic Personality Disorder, which basically made me feel like she was saying “You’re just dramatic”. She doesn’t like me self diagnosing either. I don’t know. I might just keep it to myself. But also I’m not responding to my meds anymore. So maybe I should try to bring it up. I just don’t want her to get angry.
I just posted about the four sub-types of Borderline Personality Disorder in the official BPD thread on here. One of those subtypes resembles Histrionic Personality Disorder. Your psychiatrist really should consider any and all possibilities before making a definitive diagnosis. This is why I don't like psychiatrists and therapists. They're oftentimes very careless.
 

CBunny9

Well-Known Member
#7
I just posted about the four sub-types of Borderline Personality Disorder in the official BPD thread on here. One of those subtypes resembles Histrionic Personality Disorder. Your psychiatrist really should consider any and all possibilities before making a definitive diagnosis. This is why I don't like psychiatrists and therapists. They're oftentimes very careless.
My psych just doesn’t like to put labels on things because she believes that there’s never just one set diagnosis, that illnesses present themselves very differently in each person, which I totally get. But for me it’s really helpful to read and learn about my brain so I can better talk myself down from “episodes” and distressing feelings.

I’m going to go peek at your post now.

EDIT: After reading about all four types i can find bits of myself in all of them.
 

Aurelia

Will you love me or leave me forever?
#8
My psych just doesn’t like to put labels on things because she believes that there’s never just one set diagnosis, that illnesses present themselves very differently in each person, which I totally get. But for me it’s really helpful to read and learn about my brain so I can better talk myself down from “episodes” and distressing feelings.

I’m going to go peek at your post now.

EDIT: After reading about all four types i can find bits of myself in all of them.
I do agree with your therapist about labels. I think they can be very harmful at times to people. But I also agree with you that learning how the brain works is very beneficial. I like to do the same and have found it a lot more helpful than therapy. I look at it this way, though, the label can be helpful as far as pointing you in the right direction with getting help. But from there on out, you shouldn't focus on the label too much because that's when it tends to become unhelpful and counterproductive. But again, if you're self-aware enough to understand your issues, start with that. Regardless of the label, just focus on one issue at a time and take small steps to work towards fixing it. And yes, it's possible for someone to identify with all of the subtypes, of course. It's not a definitive thing, but more so a guideline to help determine the category one fits into and what sort of help they need the most.
 

CBunny9

Well-Known Member
#9
I do agree with your therapist about labels. I think they can be very harmful at times to people. But I also agree with you that learning how the brain works is very beneficial. I like to do the same and have found it a lot more helpful than therapy. I look at it this way, though, the label can be helpful as far as pointing you in the right direction with getting help. But from there on out, you shouldn't focus on the label too much because that's when it tends to become unhelpful and counterproductive. But again, if you're self-aware enough to understand your issues, start with that. Regardless of the label, just focus on one issue at a time and take small steps to work towards fixing it. And yes, it's possible for someone to identify with all of the subtypes, of course. It's not a definitive thing, but more so a guideline to help determine the category one fits into and what sort of help they need the most.
Yeah my therapist helps me identify the individual issues I have, and Ive been doing my darnedest to be as self aware as possible. I know what I’m feeling when I’m feeling it so I stop and ask myself why and try to talk myself down and remind myself that it’s just my head. It’s been helpful learning about BPD because for so long, when I thought I “was just depressed”, there were a lot of things happening with me that didn’t add up and that I didn’t understand. But now that I’ve found something that describes what I feel so often I’m able to identify it and push back, if that makes sense.
 

Aurelia

Will you love me or leave me forever?
#10
I feel like a lot of people are initially diagnosed with the standard "depression/anxiety". That's why I say that psychiatrists really need to start carefully considering the entire picture before diagnosing people. That depression could easily be a symptom of a different disorder rather than being a disorder itself. I'm glad you've been able to get some clarity on what you're dealing with. And it's a great thing that you stop to question yourself about your behaviors. I've found that to be very helpful when it comes to making a change.
 

KG654

Well-Known Member
#11
It is tough to know real feelings when dealing with depression. It's good you don't act on them. I use magnesium and ginseng to calm down and get rid of sticky negative thoughts, they really help!
 

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