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My day

Wikus

Well-Known Member
#1
<Mod edit - timeline>. The decision isn't based off life being shit or anything, just simply not wanting to be alive at all (not wanting to try at life). Well if I had to give a reason which could be close, maybe me having depression episodes and doing really dumb things under that influence. So when I was working on my moms roof today, <Mod edit - timeline>. She's in hospital atm and my dad wont be here <Mod edit - timeline>. My brother will be at uni and my uncle is also so stone out of his mind. I won't be spotted at all. Since I unfriended all my close friends under the bad influence of the episodes, I don't have anyone to try and convince me to live. That sounds really messed up but basically if you guys can't, then no one can. That's my reasoning for being here. Thank you!
 

Lotus

Pariah...
SF Supporter
#2
Hey Wikus

I'm sorry you're feeling this bad, we can listen and try to help. But ultimately it's up to you to find that spark, that reason to live. We can help try and find it, but the main drive has to come from you. Do you think you can work with us to find it?
 

Lotus

Pariah...
SF Supporter
#4
Good man, lets start with the basics. What's got you feeling this way? You mentioned doing "dumb things" care to elaborate on that?

What i will say, is a death in the family will have effects that last forever, so your family will miss you and blame themselves forever if anything were to happen to you
 

Wikus

Well-Known Member
#5
Well, I would regard me just being a douche as dumb. I just hate attachments so if I ever felt locked in, I would just leave. That doesn't sit well with most people to say the least. I unfriended a lot of close friends because they were becoming toxic about my episodes. I don't really care what my family thinks which makes me think that I deserve this way of things even more.
 

Kiwi2016

🦩 Now a flamingo, not a kiwi 🦩
Forum Pro
#8
Just wanted to check in to see how you were doing and to let you know that you do matter and that you aren't alone. We all make mistakes as we're human...do you mind sharing a bit more what is making you feel this way? Please take care and be gentle on yourself and take to heart that you do matter and you aren't alone.
 

Wikus

Well-Known Member
#10
Just wanted to check in to see how you were doing and to let you know that you do matter and that you aren't alone. We all make mistakes as we're human...do you mind sharing a bit more what is making you feel this way? Please take care and be gentle on yourself and take to heart that you do matter and you aren't alone.
I don't even know why I feel this way. I guess I just HATE living for some odd reason. I genuinely just don't want to be here anymore, I don't think anything bad happened. I just want to vanish from consciousness.
 

Thauoy

Well-Known Member
#11
I don't even know why I feel this way. I guess I just HATE living for some odd reason. I genuinely just don't want to be here anymore, I don't think anything bad happened. I just want to vanish from consciousness.
Hi @Wikus, I have been a member of SF for a long time. Though I didn't come to SF for a few years, Now I am back again. I wish to know more about your problems in life. Please keep posted and share your feelings. A big HUGS to you.
 

Wikus

Well-Known Member
#12
Hi @Wikus, I have been a member of SF for a long time. Though I didn't come to SF for a few years, Now I am back again. I wish to know more about your problems in life. Please keep posted and share your feelings. A big HUGS to you.
I think it would be easier if you ask for specifics, I can answer fully to the best of my ability.
 

Jude

Well-Known Member
#13
Hold off on acting on your suicidal thoughts one day at a time and maybe you will be surprised and find a reason to live. If you need a break from the world you could go inpatient for a while. Let someone else pamper you
 

Wikus

Well-Known Member
#14
Hold off on acting on your suicidal thoughts one day at a time and maybe you will be surprised and find a reason to live. If you need a break from the world you could go inpatient for a while. Let someone else pamper you
As I've said prior, I don't think I have a real shitty life. It's better than most but I can't seem to want to live. Too many existential unknowns and a flawed belief system worldwide isn't making life enjoyable. Maybe because I don't have my purpose yet. This depression has taken away my passion and drive to better myself apart from me taking meds that don't even work for me. Oh and please elaborate what you mean by letting someone pamper me please. Thanks!
 

JmpMster

Have a question? Message Me
Owner Emeritus
#16
Maybe you could try treating the depression that makes you feel like this with doctors, therapists and meds instead of abuse of alcohol and other things that inevitably make you more depressed (since it is in fact a far stronger antidepressant than any antidepressant that exists) and messes up your life more?

doing really dumb things under that influence

Sounds a lot more like a drinking or drug problem than something existentially wrong with the world to be honest if you often do "dumb" things when under the influence- and it makes absolutely 100% certain your meds cannot possibly work..
 
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Wikus

Well-Known Member
#18
Maybe you could try treating the depression that makes you feel like this with doctors, therapists and meds instead of abuse of alcohol and other things that inevitably make you more depressed (since it is in fact a far stronger antidepressant than any antidepressant that exists) and messes up your life more?

doing really dumb things under that influence

Sounds a lot more like a drinking or drug problem than something existentially wrong with the world to be honest if you often do "dumb" things when under the influence- and it makes absolutely 100% certain your meds cannot possibly work..
Surprisingly, I don't do any drugs, nor do I drink alcohol. The influence I was referring to was when for some reason my brain refused to rationally do things probably sure to the influence of depression. I don't like the feeling of being high, so I don't do drugs. I can't drink alcohol because of my meds because they are both depressants and I have a bad history with alcohol which makes me kinda want to vomit when I smell it. Oh and also, I have been seeing doctors/therapists but they have a strange delusion that I am getting better.
 

key726

Well-Known Member
#19
They don't think mental diseases exist. Dad told me to man up multiple times! Yeah. Sorry.
I’m sorry to hear that. I think that if you’re in England/Wales you can self refer yourself to a therapist, talking therapy supposedly helps more than medication with depression, self referral that skips a doctor visit if you’re adverse to that.
 

Wikus

Well-Known Member
#20
I’m sorry to hear that. I think that if you’re in England/Wales you can self refer yourself to a therapist, talking therapy supposedly helps more than medication with depression, self referral that skips a doctor visit if you’re adverse to that.
So apparently I'm not ready for talking therapy and I understand why. I don't have enough will power to follow through with the talks according to the therapist. It seems legit because when I think of doing things, the effort is just too much atm.
 
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