My head is caving in and I'm about to break

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by imalone, Feb 25, 2016.

  1. imalone

    imalone Well-Known Member

    I am always stressed and worried about everything. Even the smallest insignificant things like: answering questions in class or where I'm going to sit for an assembly. Whenever I complete or get through what I was worrying about I just find something else to worry about and dwell on. It never ends.

    I cry at the thought of going to school. I have only had 1 day off throughout the 2 and a bit years I've been at high school. I tell my parents I'm stressed but they just tell me to "stop worrying" but I just can't. I worry about everything, even if it doesn't matter. I worry about what I say and have to think it through 10 times before I say something.

    I'm really insecure about myself and although I'm told I'm way too skinny I look at myself and all I see are flaws and I look fat in my eyes. I care too much about what people think of me, even though I know pretty much no-one cares about me. I hate the way I look, how I'm so shy and awkward even around people I know. I hate how I will never stick up for myself. I hate how I can never feel happy. I hate how I am a coward. I hate how I care too much. I hate how , although my friends care about me, that I think they don't care. I hate how I always feel so alone. I hate how I can't open up to an adult and just start getting better. I hate how I know people have worse things going on in their lives but I am already wanting to give up.

    I just always get so overwhelmed with my thoughts but I'm too scared to burst into tears in front of people in case I seem "weak" or "attention seeking" or even more of an outcast than I already am. I'm scared to tell an adult about my feelings because I'm scared of watching their reactions and having to talk and cry I front of them and explain how I've hurt myself and want to die.

    I just don't want to carry on. I know life is hard but I'm only young. If this is how I act in high school, then how can I cope with taxes, jobs, families and everything else when I am older. I'm only going to get worse. I don't know what to do. I don't want to keep laying awake all night crying or SH myself. The smallest things are killing me and my head hurts and I just want to cry and end everything. :(
     
  2. Deety

    Deety Well-Known Member

    Hi, it sounds as though you are terribly anxious everyday. Have you had any professional support? Before I became depressed last year, I was anxious for most of my life. The relief I felt when I tried anxiolytic medication was profound. I could hardly believe that most people felt like that most of the time! I am no longer on medication for anxiety (just on antidepressants) but I would say that mindfulness has helped me be in the moment without so much worry. I still get anxious but it is no longer overwhelming. Are you able to see your doctor? I really think it could help you so much to get professional support for this. Take care.
     
    imalone likes this.
  3. imalone

    imalone Well-Known Member

    I'm glad to see you have got better. I haven't had any professional help because I haven't been able to tell anyone for fear of their reaction. I'm not sure how I could see a doctor as I haven't been to the doctors in ages and I don't have much time where I could go and I wouldn't know what to say or what to do. Thank you for replying it means a lot.
     
  4. Williamstuckinarut

    Williamstuckinarut Well-Known Member

    Hi imalone I understand your fears of self-doubt and talking to professionals because I also have it.
    Ask yourself: do the people around you understand your problems?
    Do you love them and want them in your life?
    Often people we love don't understand us fully, but it doesn't mean they don't mean well :)

    Talk to a psychologist, you'll thank yourself for doing so. Health professionals have the added benefit of "not caring in a personal way" which i think is key to helping others.
    Keep posting here, I hope things get better :)
    Willy
     
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  5. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I will join in and say you really could benefit from seeing a professional. What you describe does sound like a form of anxiety. And anxiety can be greatly helped with therapy and medication.

    If you worry about not being able to tell someone face to face what you feel, write it down on paper. Scribble down all your symptoms and what is going on in your life.

    I really hope you get some help hun. You deserve to feel a lot better than this!
     
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  6. imalone

    imalone Well-Known Member

    Thank you for the reply, it means a lot. I'm unsure how to talk to a physcologist (how to find one, schedule appointments, what to say, how to say things) My family don't know what's going on with me as I'm too scared to tell them, i want to tell them or a teacher at least but I wouldn't know how. Thank you again for the reply.
     
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  7. imalone

    imalone Well-Known Member

    Thank you for the help. I have so much to get out of my system so writing everything down would be a good idea, I just wouldn't know where to start or how to give it to my parents or a teacher. Thank you so much.
     
  8. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Start with seeing your doctor hun, he/she can help refer you on in the system the right way. You can always tell your parents the appointment is for something else...

    Personally I went in to have a rash looked at when I broke down to one of my doctors and confessed I needed therapy.
     
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  9. Deety

    Deety Well-Known Member

    I hope you are able to tell an adult in your life what is going on with you. Either way, please take the time to see your general practitioner (GP doctor) and they will be able to help you or will refer you to an appropriate professional. As ThePhantomLady says, write it all down, and you can give this to the doctor. You deserve much more than the way you feel your life is at the moment.
     
    imalone likes this.
  10. imalone

    imalone Well-Known Member

    Thank you. I'll try my best to write everything down and get help, I just find these things hard.
     
  11. AdamTide

    AdamTide Well-Known Member

    Things CAN get better. Everyone is right, a professional can help you a lot. You are NOT a coward. You're here asking for help aren't you ? :) That takes STRENGTH. I think you are stronger than you realize. It WILL be ok. :) You matter very much. Everything's gonna be alright. -Shawn Mullins
     
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  12. imalone

    imalone Well-Known Member

    Thankyou, this means a lot to me. I'm just scared to open up.
     
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  13. AdamTide

    AdamTide Well-Known Member

    I understand. Well here if you need me! There is always hope. :)
     
    imalone likes this.