I am always stressed and worried about everything. Even the smallest insignificant things like: answering questions in class or where I'm going to sit for an assembly. Whenever I complete or get through what I was worrying about I just find something else to worry about and dwell on. It never ends.
I cry at the thought of going to school. I have only had 1 day off throughout the 2 and a bit years I've been at high school. I tell my parents I'm stressed but they just tell me to "stop worrying" but I just can't. I worry about everything, even if it doesn't matter. I worry about what I say and have to think it through 10 times before I say something.
I'm really insecure about myself and although I'm told I'm way too skinny I look at myself and all I see are flaws and I look fat in my eyes. I care too much about what people think of me, even though I know pretty much no-one cares about me. I hate the way I look, how I'm so shy and awkward even around people I know. I hate how I will never stick up for myself. I hate how I can never feel happy. I hate how I am a coward. I hate how I care too much. I hate how , although my friends care about me, that I think they don't care. I hate how I always feel so alone. I hate how I can't open up to an adult and just start getting better. I hate how I know people have worse things going on in their lives but I am already wanting to give up.
I just always get so overwhelmed with my thoughts but I'm too scared to burst into tears in front of people in case I seem "weak" or "attention seeking" or even more of an outcast than I already am. I'm scared to tell an adult about my feelings because I'm scared of watching their reactions and having to talk and cry I front of them and explain how I've hurt myself and want to die.
I just don't want to carry on. I know life is hard but I'm only young. If this is how I act in high school, then how can I cope with taxes, jobs, families and everything else when I am older. I'm only going to get worse. I don't know what to do. I don't want to keep laying awake all night crying or SH myself. The smallest things are killing me and my head hurts and I just want to cry and end everything.
I cry at the thought of going to school. I have only had 1 day off throughout the 2 and a bit years I've been at high school. I tell my parents I'm stressed but they just tell me to "stop worrying" but I just can't. I worry about everything, even if it doesn't matter. I worry about what I say and have to think it through 10 times before I say something.
I'm really insecure about myself and although I'm told I'm way too skinny I look at myself and all I see are flaws and I look fat in my eyes. I care too much about what people think of me, even though I know pretty much no-one cares about me. I hate the way I look, how I'm so shy and awkward even around people I know. I hate how I will never stick up for myself. I hate how I can never feel happy. I hate how I am a coward. I hate how I care too much. I hate how , although my friends care about me, that I think they don't care. I hate how I always feel so alone. I hate how I can't open up to an adult and just start getting better. I hate how I know people have worse things going on in their lives but I am already wanting to give up.
I just always get so overwhelmed with my thoughts but I'm too scared to burst into tears in front of people in case I seem "weak" or "attention seeking" or even more of an outcast than I already am. I'm scared to tell an adult about my feelings because I'm scared of watching their reactions and having to talk and cry I front of them and explain how I've hurt myself and want to die.
I just don't want to carry on. I know life is hard but I'm only young. If this is how I act in high school, then how can I cope with taxes, jobs, families and everything else when I am older. I'm only going to get worse. I don't know what to do. I don't want to keep laying awake all night crying or SH myself. The smallest things are killing me and my head hurts and I just want to cry and end everything.
