Narcissistic Abuse

Astrid78

Well-Known Member
#3
So I thought I could start us out with some tags and a topic, if thats ok @Cursed712 ? Tagging @Lane @Aurelia not sure if you two would be interested, but perhaps you know others who would be?
One of the things I was most surprised about by the time my relationship ended, was the sheer exhaustion I felt, I mean its tiring trying to keep up with the manipulation, the gas lighting, interspersed with yelling and good times. My ex is also image oriented, it was very important to him that others thought we were the happy, perfect couple. Its hard to keep that up when you are screaming inside.
By the time our relationship ended I could hardly get out of bed, I was that exhausted.
Things are much better now, in that regard, I'm not so tired and starting to get a better grip on reality as it is and not how my ex see's it, hindsight can be a good thing, as I am able to look back and see my ex's behavior for what it is.
Not sure if this a relatable topic or not, feel free to add others!
 
#4
My mother is an undiagnosed Borderline and meets some of the criteria for being a Narcissist (I have discussed this at length with my psychiatrist and I have a degree in Psychology). She was extremely verbally and emotionally abusive to my younger brother and I, and physically abusive to him (and slapped me around but nothing major). Despite all this, she was a half-decent mother when I was little, and didn't abandon us and put a roof over our heads until I was 19, so I made the stupid decision in my early 20s to be in touch with her (after a 2-year estrangement). Our family tends to die around 60 but she is now 83 and in good health. We talk a few times a week (she talks my ear off and I hardly say anything). Everything is about her. I feel exhausted after dealing with her and I deeply wish she was not in my life, yet I do care about her and know I would be sorry when she's gone. Damned if I do, and damned if I don't.
 

Lane

SF Pro
SF Supporter
#5
So I thought I could start us out with some tags and a topic, if thats ok @Cursed712 ? Tagging @Lane @Aurelia not sure if you two would be interested, but perhaps you know others who would be?
One of the things I was most surprised about by the time my relationship ended, was the sheer exhaustion I felt, I mean its tiring trying to keep up with the manipulation, the gas lighting, interspersed with yelling and good times. My ex is also image oriented, it was very important to him that others thought we were the happy, perfect couple. Its hard to keep that up when you are screaming inside.
By the time our relationship ended I could hardly get out of bed, I was that exhausted.
Things are much better now, in that regard, I'm not so tired and starting to get a better grip on reality as it is and not how my ex see's it, hindsight can be a good thing, as I am able to look back and see my ex's behavior for what it is.
Not sure if this a relatable topic or not, feel free to add others!
I've been out of an abusive relationship for a few years now. According to the counselor I may have been killed because abuse escalated to lifting me off the ground by strangling where I lost my voice.

He was also image oriented @Astrid78 and would make-up through clothes as gifts and one time I got hit for dressing down and showing up at "his" bar. He wasn't always horrible. Quite charming and loving and quite generous but punishments were brutal.
 

Cursed712

SF Supporter
#6
Im still paralyzed in pain and torment from my experience. Im a man and i was with a female narcissist for 10 years and have 2 young kids with her. The final discard of me was recent. She finally got a sexual partner to replace me with i found out so thats that. I havent the energy to get into full detail right now but i am absolutely destroyed in every way possible.
 

Cursed712

SF Supporter
#7
So I thought I could start us out with some tags and a topic, if thats ok @Cursed712 ? Tagging @Lane @Aurelia not sure if you two would be interested, but perhaps you know others who would be?
One of the things I was most surprised about by the time my relationship ended, was the sheer exhaustion I felt, I mean its tiring trying to keep up with the manipulation, the gas lighting, interspersed with yelling and good times. My ex is also image oriented, it was very important to him that others thought we were the happy, perfect couple. Its hard to keep that up when you are screaming inside.
By the time our relationship ended I could hardly get out of bed, I was that exhausted.
Things are much better now, in that regard, I'm not so tired and starting to get a better grip on reality as it is and not how my ex see's it, hindsight can be a good thing, as I am able to look back and see my ex's behavior for what it is.
Not sure if this a relatable topic or not, feel free to add others!
Hey absolutely lets blow this up. Id say most suicidal people have a narcissist in the picture driving them to it so i think this will resonate with alot of people here.
 
Last edited:

BlueGreen

Well-Known Member
#8
Hi @Cursed712 I'm married to a covert narc, my mother was a very covert narc, I lived with a grandiose narc for a time in my childhood and since I learned about narcissism I realised most of the friends I attracted when I was younger were narcs. I wouldn't call myself a victim, only because I haven't suffered great abuse and not on a sustained level.

I feel very strongly that if everyone educated themselves about narcissists, we wouldn't have the political leaders we have, we wouldn't be voting for the same mistakes over and over and the world might be a better place. Narcissism explains so much.

I'm so sorry to hear how you have suffered. I'm sure you must be dealing with some very difficult behaviour right now especially in regard to your children. Try to remember the person you were before that relationship and hold on tight to your sense of self worth. You can build yourself back up. Your children will see the real you eventually if they don't already. It must feel like being in the middle of a storm.
 

Astrid78

Well-Known Member
#9
Im still paralyzed in pain and torment from my experience. Im a man and i was with a female narcissist for 10 years and have 2 young kids with her. The final discard of me was recent. She finally got a sexual partner to replace me with i found out so thats that. I havent the energy to get into full detail right now but i am absolutely destroyed in every way possible.
Thanks for sharing your story, I'm so sorry you have to go through this, its ok not having the energy, dealing with a narc can do that, just share whenever you feel ready to.
 

Astrid78

Well-Known Member
#10
I've been out of an abusive relationship for a few years now. According to the counselor I may have been killed because abuse escalated to lifting me off the ground by strangling where I lost my voice.

He was also image oriented @Astrid78 and would make-up through clothes as gifts and one time I got hit for dressing down and showing up at "his" bar. He wasn't always horrible. Quite charming and loving and quite generous but punishments were brutal.
How scary, I am glad that you made it through. Hope things are going better for you now.
 

Astrid78

Well-Known Member
#11
My mother is an undiagnosed Borderline and meets some of the criteria for being a Narcissist (I have discussed this at length with my psychiatrist and I have a degree in Psychology). She was extremely verbally and emotionally abusive to my younger brother and I, and physically abusive to him (and slapped me around but nothing major). Despite all this, she was a half-decent mother when I was little, and didn't abandon us and put a roof over our heads until I was 19, so I made the stupid decision in my early 20s to be in touch with her (after a 2-year estrangement). Our family tends to die around 60 but she is now 83 and in good health. We talk a few times a week (she talks my ear off and I hardly say anything). Everything is about her. I feel exhausted after dealing with her and I deeply wish she was not in my life, yet I do care about her and know I would be sorry when she's gone. Damned if I do, and damned if I don't.[/QUOTE
I can so relate to this, my mom is toxic to the core. Still though I care about her, and often feel guilty for setting boundaries.
 

Aurelia

🔥 A Fire Inside 🔥
SF Supporter
#13
I was married to a narcissist needless to say life was miserable in so many ways all the lying all the manipulation never knowing who you were getting. Life is lonely but so much more peaceful now.
I totally hear you on the "lonely but peaceful". In the end, though, I think I'd rather be lonely than miserable and having daily panic attacks.
 

Sassy Cat

SF hugger
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#16
I totally hear you on the "lonely but peaceful". In the end, though, I think I'd rather be lonely than miserable and having daily panic attacks.
I so agree with you. The not knowing who you were going to get from them is so hard. I like being alone in many ways I love the peace
 

anona123

Well-Known Member
#17
Unfortunately I'm on the other side of it. I was a narcissist and emotionally abusive to my wife. At times I'd yell at my daughter, which seems insane to me now. Wife moved out last year. It took a while but slowly I realized I was not right in the head. Started seeing a therapist who explained the narcissism in a way I understood. But now I'm horrified at my actions. The regrest is a big reason why I'm here. I feel like I made so many years miserable for no reason. I'm not sure what happened. I wasn't always that way.
 

Sassy Cat

SF hugger
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#18
Unfortunately I'm on the other side of it. I was a narcissist and emotionally abusive to my wife. At times I'd yell at my daughter, which seems insane to me now. Wife moved out last year. It took a while but slowly I realized I was not right in the head. Started seeing a therapist who explained the narcissism in a way I understood. But now I'm horrified at my actions. The regrest is a big reason why I'm here. I feel like I made so many years miserable for no reason. I'm not sure what happened. I wasn't always that way.
Hugs 🤗 I think we can all live and grow from our past *hug
 
#19
I'm fairly certain my brother falls under this category. It was a relief to finally move out, and I've slowly but surely adjusted to feeling safe in my own house. But I don't know if I'll ever stop having panic attacks when someone's mad at me, or I hear arguing or loud repetitive noises. I sometimes wonder how different a person I would have been if I didn't spend my childhood switching in and out of survival mode all the time.
 

anona123

Well-Known Member
#20
If it helps anyone, the hardest part is to see you are a narcisst. I went to marriage counseling once years ago and the therapist mentioned it but I blew it off. I pictured a narcisst as a guy that's vain, but that's it. So I didn't get it. Plus, you think you're always right. How could this other person know me? It's tough. So try to explain it in a way that isn't confrontational. Just that we make everything about us, in an unhealthy way. Then we internalize everything and lash out. We see anything that doesn't go our way as an attack on us, and take it personally. I know I was always looking to improve professionally, so perhaps if it had been put to me as a way to improve myself I may have listened. It took me losing everyone close to me to finally realize it was me. Deep down I really wasn't a bad person and now I'm horrified at the way I was. It was just so hard to see. This article may also be helpful How to Handle a Narcissist: What Works and What Doesn’t (webmd.com)
 

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