NEED GIRL OPINION please..
- Thread starter ryklys23
- Start date
- Tags boyfriend cheating girlfriend mszzexmmmm trust issues
Cheated on her. I realise i shouldnt done it and I’ve broken her heart but I’ve changed and I’m willing to dedicate my life making her as happy as she makes me 
I was a horrible person and I need a little time to show her this but for her to see this I need to do some action show her this first, I’ve given her my fb, email passwords so she doesn’t have to worry as much,(was drug addict) bought drug test snd gave her so whenever she wants she can test me,she believe i made a mistake but I need to get her trust back , I know I sound like someone this shouldn’t be in relationships but I’ve gotten over my mental health issues and i want to show her and make her feel as special as I feel, she still loves me and wants to be with me but does trust me.
I was a horrible person and I need a little time to show her this but for her to see this I need to do some action show her this first, I’ve given her my fb, email passwords so she doesn’t have to worry as much,(was drug addict) bought drug test snd gave her so whenever she wants she can test me,she believe i made a mistake but I need to get her trust back , I know I sound like someone this shouldn’t be in relationships but I’ve gotten over my mental health issues and i want to show her and make her feel as special as I feel, she still loves me and wants to be with me but does trust me.
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Cheated on her. I realise i shouldnt done it and I’ve broken her heart but I’ve changed and I’m willing to dedicate my life making her as happy as she makes me I was a horrible person and I need a little time to show her this but for her to see this I need to do some action show her this first, I’ve given her my fb, email passwords so she doesn’t have to worry as much,(was drug addict) bought drug test snd gave her so whenever she wants she can test me,she believe i made a mistake but I need to get her trust back , I know I sound like someone this shouldn’t be in relationships but I’ve gotten over my mental health issues and i want to show her and make her feel as special as I feel, she still loves me and wants to be with me but does trust me.
I was a horrible person and I need a little time to show her this but for her to see this I need to do some action show her this first, I’ve given her my fb, email passwords so she doesn’t have to worry as much,(was drug addict) bought drug test snd gave her so whenever she wants she can test me,she believe i made a mistake but I need to get her trust back , I know I sound like someone this shouldn’t be in relationships but I’ve gotten over my mental health issues and i want to show her and make her feel as special as I feel, she still loves me and wants to be with me but does trust me.
i haven't been cheated on.. luckily.. but i'd say you need to do more than just giving her all the passwords that you have.. if i'm being honest i don't know exactly what you should do other than making her feel that she's special to you.. and don't over do it.. do something because you genuinely want to do it and not just because you feel guilty.. if that makes sense.. i'd speak for myself and say that i know it when someone just does something because they feel guilty or they are pitiful of me..
sorry i'm not much of help.. but please try not to do it again.. that's the best way to show her that you love her and that she's special..
In my view, once broken, trust can be a difficult thing to regain. It has to be earned. You have to show her that she can trust you. Giving her access to your social media and phone will help as will drug tests, but it will take time. I can't think of anything you could do to make her trust you sooner. You have to demonstrate through your actions of being honest with her, loving her and being faithful to her that you are worthy of her trust.
You can't "make" anybody do anything- and as soon as somebody feels like you are trying to make them do something it is going to get worse not better-. "How can I make" is just a another phrase for "how can I manipulate" or how to "force them to do something they do not want to / want to yet".
Trust, love, etc- these are things that are given freely if they have any value at all- they have no value if there is manipulation involved in getting them , acting in a specific way differently than you would normally act to try to make it happen sooner, etc. Those are all versions of deceit in a relationship.
To regain trust and rebuild a relationship you act as yourself being as considerate of her thoughts and feelings as possible- which includes being considerate enough to allow her to not trust you because you broke that trust so be willing to explain without irritation or being short with somebody where you were / what were doing, who were with. If she asks you not to talk to certain people you don't talk to them- not to make her trust you- but because you want her to feel better and feel less pain so you do it because you want her to feel better. Regaining trust and rebuilding a relationship is not about doing anything to get her to love you more again, to get her to give you time, or make her trust you- it is all about doing whatever actions you can to make her feel less pain and less betrayed- not with a goal in mind- but because you want her to feel better, regardless of what you get out of it. It is placing her needs and feelings first, not trying to make them into what you want her to feel for you.
The end of the day is not the end of the world or of time- regardless of what she decides today. Her saying she will stay with you at the end of today does not make anything better- and her saying she is moving on does not make everything worse - because emotions and feelings are not like buying something where you decide/ you do it , and it is done. The real truth is all the underlying feelings of why you cheated are still the same - whatever they are- and all the underlying feelings of her lack of trust are the same whether she stays or goes at the end of the day.
If she stays then you still have to work on the trust issues and the issues where you felt you needed something more to feel better about yourself, if she says is breaking it off you still have to deal with the issues where you had something good but something made you need more and she will still have trust issues- so the decision of today changes nothing except the word used to describe your relationship tomorrow.
There is still a relationship (defined as the interaction of two people that know and have feelings of some type for each other) between you two tomorrow - and whether it is is current girlfriend or former girlfriend used to describe that relationship to others it will be the exact same feelings and problems and good things and bad things inside your head and inside yours. You will still feel love for her- she will feel love for you, she will be hurt about betrayal, you will be angry with self but also have the same issues that brought about the situation.
If you want the relationship to improve and continue it does not matter whether tomorrow she is former or current girlfriend. You will be placing her feelings and needs first and trying to make choices based on what is best for her. If there is any chance for it to last long term then what the tile of the relationship is tomorrow will have no bearing on her either- she will observe you are making choices and decisions thta put her needs first and this will make her regain confidence and trust and she will find her way back over time of her own volition, or it would not have worked out long term regardless of saying okay is fine today.
Lifetime relationships- long term relationships do not have deadlines of today- and making them all about 1 choice on 1 day is saying there is no long term relationship potential anyway. So relax, treat her right, treat yourself right, do not do desperate or crazy things. Be supportive and kind and make her decisions easy and as painless as possible for her- and the right thing will happen in for the long term- whatever that may be- but you will also know it is the right thing because it is not a lifetime decisions that had an artificial time limit of "today" declared.
If she stays then you still have to work on the trust issues and the issues where you felt you needed something more to feel better about yourself, if she says is breaking it off you still have to deal with the issues where you had something good but something made you need more and she will still have trust issues- so the decision of today changes nothing except the word used to describe your relationship tomorrow.
There is still a relationship (defined as the interaction of two people that know and have feelings of some type for each other) between you two tomorrow - and whether it is is current girlfriend or former girlfriend used to describe that relationship to others it will be the exact same feelings and problems and good things and bad things inside your head and inside yours. You will still feel love for her- she will feel love for you, she will be hurt about betrayal, you will be angry with self but also have the same issues that brought about the situation.
If you want the relationship to improve and continue it does not matter whether tomorrow she is former or current girlfriend. You will be placing her feelings and needs first and trying to make choices based on what is best for her. If there is any chance for it to last long term then what the tile of the relationship is tomorrow will have no bearing on her either- she will observe you are making choices and decisions thta put her needs first and this will make her regain confidence and trust and she will find her way back over time of her own volition, or it would not have worked out long term regardless of saying okay is fine today.
Lifetime relationships- long term relationships do not have deadlines of today- and making them all about 1 choice on 1 day is saying there is no long term relationship potential anyway. So relax, treat her right, treat yourself right, do not do desperate or crazy things. Be supportive and kind and make her decisions easy and as painless as possible for her- and the right thing will happen in for the long term- whatever that may be- but you will also know it is the right thing because it is not a lifetime decisions that had an artificial time limit of "today" declared.
My husband has cheated on me twice that I know of and he did earn my trust back but like others have said, it took time. Anybody can act trustworthy and do/say the right things for a day, but to keep it up for months or even years is what proves your trust is well placed. There are just no quick fixes for earning trust back after its been broken.
Good luck. I do hope she gives you time to prove yourself.
Good luck. I do hope she gives you time to prove yourself.
