About 7 years ago I was raped. It was horrible but for 2 years I tried to pretend it was consentual so I didnt have to face it. Well I got severe PTSD anxiety depression. You name it. I have been in and out of many hospitals dor suicide and self harm. I cant get the thought of suicide out of my mind. I recently was so scared it was going to happen again I gained 70lbs. My thought was ... If im not attrac5ive im safe. Unfortunately it backfires amd now I feel even more worthless amd discusting from the weight. I keep self harming from the emotional pain. I dont know how to make it stop.