Neverending

[lightning05]

Does the pain of rape or sexual abuse ever go away? Lately I have been triggered so easily. I saw something in a show about a man beating up a woman and it immediately gave me flashbacks to when that happened to me.. now I've been reliving that anguish and I am trying to stop but I can't. I've gone to counseling for this and am even able to open to friends, family, and my boyfriend about the abuse (after almost 10 years of silence) but for some reason such things can trigger me and cause me so much pain. I wish I had one of those lasers from Men in Black so I could forget this ever happened. Just hurting right now with these extremely painful childhood and adolescent memories. I know I can be a "normal" person despite these things happening to me but sometimes I feel like I'm destined to be fucked up forever. Just in a tremendous amount of pain right now and sorry and disgusted that such atrocities even exist in this world.

 

[may71]

Maybe avoiding tv, or carefully screening what you watch might help.

One simple method that I've heard is to write down everything that happened, and then read and keep re-reading it.

If you get to a point where reading it no longer bothers you, then you burn it.

I've actually never tried this, but it might be something to think about.

 

[lightning05]

@may71 Now I am definitely screening and only watching things I know will have no violence in it. At least until I calm down. I have taken the desesitizing approach in counseling before where for a few weeks in a row I retold what happened each time. It did help and I actually did write about it a couple of days ago. Right now I'm just so sensitive. The hard part is not spiraling :-(

 

[Blake9]

I can not tell you if all this will go away a day but I can tell you an own experience. For some reasons I won't explain I had two years ago a terrible fear to watch Tv shows or films involving violence and that kind. I coulnd't watch it without remembering.I just avoided that kind of media. It's difficult to find sometimes when something will turn in a abuse situation or no but sometimes you can avoid things that you fknow what they are in the first moment.
Comedy and stuff like that help a lot. Obviously the goal of everybody is get used to things that make them feel pain. But we have to be smart. When it is not possible, it is not possible. Sometimes we need time or help or whatever we need. That doesn't mean you will be forever affected by that kind of things that trigger you memories. I don't. I can watch perfectly violence and that kind of media two years after. Sometimes I think about it but the pain is better managed now.
Never ending? We don't know. But we know you have possibilities to improve, to heal, to try.

 

[lightning05]

Thanks @Blake9 for sharing your experience. That gives me hope that I won't always be like this and I will hopefully be able to handle it in the future. I guess sometimes we are just more sensitive than others.

 

[Petal]

I am sorry you are hurting so much, I get flashbacks too they're awful, I really do know how bad they are. Vile. I am glad you are able to be open about these thoughts now that is progress made and maybe in another X months you will make more progress but for now avoid anything triggering and keep talking. Don't let these memories and flashbacks eat you up, you're stronger than that! It is hard but with help you can make further progress. Good luck.