Hi Jolene in time you will heal, believe me, and you will find someone new , who you’ll Be able to trust, and who will love you , and stay for the long term .The neg thinking is not good , and doesn't help you at all. Good things will come your way , not everything is bad all the time , even me in all my misery , can get a good day, and that’s what you hold onto , so seek some happiness for yourself.
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Not good enough
- Thread starter Jolene
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I wish... But these years are being so hard, I am so broken... And everytime I trust in life, everytime I believe that things can get better, booooom, another thing gets taken from me.
Before this, as I told, I've been ill (I have several chronical issues), I've lost loved relatives, I was unemployed for years and years, I was broken hearted too... But nothing compares to these two years, it's all dark and sometimes a little light just to be taken from me after a second and leave me worse. It's a torture and I don't see that this is going to change. It's only getting worse and I don't want to be here to see until which point the nightmare keeps going
Before this, as I told, I've been ill (I have several chronical issues), I've lost loved relatives, I was unemployed for years and years, I was broken hearted too... But nothing compares to these two years, it's all dark and sometimes a little light just to be taken from me after a second and leave me worse. It's a torture and I don't see that this is going to change. It's only getting worse and I don't want to be here to see until which point the nightmare keeps going
And I do, I try to be the same supportive friends I always was but... The pain is here, it can't be erased, on the contrary, it keeps growing because the new would is burning. I can't possibly want to keep living when my life is going worse and worse each day and if for once I have a break, this ends up worse than before, with me more hurt. A whole life of this is too much time
Then the only option left to try is medication. Would you rather live in endless agony than try meds, or die from the pain without at least trying something that might stop it, as they have for many, many people, all of whom thought, like you do now, nothing would work?
Again Jolene, severe depression and wanting to die are symptoms of a treatable, physical illness, a disorder in brain functioning, and there is zero sense in continuing to suffer like this when there are treatments which could restore your health. The longer you delay treatment, the longer you will suffer needlessly and pointlessly
Again Jolene, severe depression and wanting to die are symptoms of a treatable, physical illness, a disorder in brain functioning, and there is zero sense in continuing to suffer like this when there are treatments which could restore your health. The longer you delay treatment, the longer you will suffer needlessly and pointlessly
But meds won't change the situation. Pills are not going to give me what I need.
It's like...if I was depressed for having lost a relative, no matter how many meds I take, he's not going to come back to life, so the cause of my depression will still be there. No matter how many pills I took, I wouldn't have what I need to be happy.
I know medication can save lifes but my case isn't one of these because my problem won't be solved with that, it's not inside me, is the situation. If the situation doesn't change, I will keep suffering. It's a cause-effect thing
It's like...if I was depressed for having lost a relative, no matter how many meds I take, he's not going to come back to life, so the cause of my depression will still be there. No matter how many pills I took, I wouldn't have what I need to be happy.
I know medication can save lifes but my case isn't one of these because my problem won't be solved with that, it's not inside me, is the situation. If the situation doesn't change, I will keep suffering. It's a cause-effect thing
It usually is the situation that causes depression, but that doesn't mean meds can't stop the pain, or at least reduce it. You're right that meds can't restore a lost loved one to us, but they can definitely reduce the intensity of suffering and help us to cope while we adjust to the loss. People do learn to live again after completing the grieving process, but they can also get stuck and need the extra help to move forward meds can give.
What can you possibly lose by trying them, except the constant pain you feel which is so bad you want to die?
What can you possibly lose by trying them, except the constant pain you feel which is so bad you want to die?
It's complicated. Is not only adjust to the loss. I just don't want to live my life: a life where I can't have anything I want and need (and I'm not asking for winning the lottery or marrying george clooney), a life of darkness where sometimes I am given a liiitle light and then is taken from me to hurt me more. No meds can stop that. I don't know if there's a God, but if so, he hates me. Or life, or karma, something or someone wants me dead. It's not normal to loose everything like I do, more each day. Life itself is pushing me to kill my self and I'm not doing it, so I get more punishment. The more I keep living, the more pain is thrown at me
It's because you haven't adjusted or moved on from the pain of the past that you fear the future. You are carrying the pain of the past into the present and into the future you anticipate.
It's severe untreated depression that's making you think this way, Jolene, and meds certainly can stop the pain by breaking the loop of downward spiralling negative thinking which causes it. Every time you think this way you reinforce its grip on you, and the pain that goes with it until you think there is no way out. That's what depression does, and very often meds are necessary to break the negative pattern which has gripped the mind.
All these thoughts are caused by depression, Jolene.
Again, it's untreated depression which is making you think this way, Jolene. As a friend, I urge you again to speak to a doctor about the way you are thinking because there are treatments which can give you back your life again.
It's severe untreated depression that's making you think this way, Jolene, and meds certainly can stop the pain by breaking the loop of downward spiralling negative thinking which causes it. Every time you think this way you reinforce its grip on you, and the pain that goes with it until you think there is no way out. That's what depression does, and very often meds are necessary to break the negative pattern which has gripped the mind.
All these thoughts are caused by depression, Jolene.
Again, it's untreated depression which is making you think this way, Jolene. As a friend, I urge you again to speak to a doctor about the way you are thinking because there are treatments which can give you back your life again.
@Lara_C is right Jolene. You do need meds to help you through this. You're mind is in constant overdrive. You need to slow down the irrational thoughts. They're taking over your life. No matter how you feel, sometimes medications are necessary to assist therapy. Because not only is it emotional thoughts, but chemical imbalances within the brain that causes the thoughts.
Just to reinforce what @Were all together said, I honestly think you need to discuss how you're feeling and thinking with a medical professional Jolene. After about 500 plus posts you're still thinking and feeling exactly the same, or worse than you did to start with. Nothing anyone has said here has made any difference, not to mention your friends irl, and even your therapist.. Not only that, you've been thinking and feeling this way for almost or over two whole years, without respite. It's consuming most of your life so that you hardly have any life left at all.
These are symptoms of severe depression Jolene, which I stress again is a treatable physical illness, a disorder in the way the brain works which negatively affects the way a person thinks and feels. If nothing else has helped, I really think after all this time, you need to try meds to break this life -destroying pattern. At least let a qualified person know how restricted and oppressive your life has become. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
These are symptoms of severe depression Jolene, which I stress again is a treatable physical illness, a disorder in the way the brain works which negatively affects the way a person thinks and feels. If nothing else has helped, I really think after all this time, you need to try meds to break this life -destroying pattern. At least let a qualified person know how restricted and oppressive your life has become. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
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Thank you @Lara_C and @Were all together
I know that you are saying all this for my benefit. I understand. But... I'm scared. I don't even dare to tell my therapist that I am suicidal. Well, sometimes I told "I don't want this life" "I don't want to be alive in two years" or things like that but she didn't notice... As a matter of fact, one day she told me "you are not in a desperate situation, you didn't kill yourself, you can be saved, you are not in total darkness". That should have been a moment to say "no, but because I don't have the guts to do it". But I am scared. I don't want my family to know. I don't want anybody to know... What if they lock me in a hospital? Or even if they don't, I would be under surveillance 24/7, even if I have been wantng to die for two years and I didn't even try to do it.
Well...Once I told something to my bff (I shouldn't be calling her that, since we haven't talked in months, 50% of guilt) and she got mad at me and told me that if I said something like that again, she would call my family (she is very sensitive with this, his uncle killed himself two years ago). I got scared and never mentioned it again.
I know that you are saying all this for my benefit. I understand. But... I'm scared. I don't even dare to tell my therapist that I am suicidal. Well, sometimes I told "I don't want this life" "I don't want to be alive in two years" or things like that but she didn't notice... As a matter of fact, one day she told me "you are not in a desperate situation, you didn't kill yourself, you can be saved, you are not in total darkness". That should have been a moment to say "no, but because I don't have the guts to do it". But I am scared. I don't want my family to know. I don't want anybody to know... What if they lock me in a hospital? Or even if they don't, I would be under surveillance 24/7, even if I have been wantng to die for two years and I didn't even try to do it.
Well...Once I told something to my bff (I shouldn't be calling her that, since we haven't talked in months, 50% of guilt) and she got mad at me and told me that if I said something like that again, she would call my family (she is very sensitive with this, his uncle killed himself two years ago). I got scared and never mentioned it again.
But you need to be on medication Jolene. Not being truthful to your counselor is just hurting yourself. No one is going to lock you away. You need to be upfront with her. Tell her you would like more information on the different types of medications their are. No one needs to know you're on them. It's started as a very small dose. It will help you clear up your thoughts.
When I was diagnosed two years ago, I started to take meds, antidepressants, very small dose, for start, but it was making things worse, so me and my doctor decided to stop it. Then I started the therapy and I only have the tranquilizers, which do nothing to me, but I have them just in case (when I have a big panic attack I take them to sleep, but they don't always work). Of course both my doctor and therapist know this, I will never hude anything related to meds.
Just after that, my therapist told me that for the therapy she wanted to try with me (EMDR) it would be better not to be taking meds because she needs me in total contact with my emotions. Even without them, we are not being capable of going further, I'm blocked in the present and recent past and I can't go anymore backwards. As a matter of fact, she tells me that I am totally disconneted to my childhood memories, that I talk about that years like I was telling a movie, like if doesn't have to do with me. SHe is convinced that my problems have the origin there (I don't agree, I think that they come from my teenage years) and this is being complicated.
But my problems are in the present and nothing, nor regressive therapy nor meds will give me what I need and without that I don't want to be alive
But my problems are in the present and nothing, nor regressive therapy nor meds will give me what I need and without that I don't want to be alive
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