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post your major complaint here
- Thread starter 1964dodge
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I wish that it could be clean-cut, removing a former abuser of yours from your life. I wish it was as simple as just seeing all the pain they caused, and hating them for it. I wish i could just get completely uncomplicated feelings of resentment and loathing. I wish i just wanted him gone. But it's often not that cut and dry.
You have history with them. He was a huge part of my life for 12 years. He was my friend when nobody else would be, when i was that violent weirdo freak nobody liked. For a long time, my entire sense of self hinged on his opinion of me. I loved him. Among all that pain, there are happy memories, old nostalgia for the way they used to make you feel before you realised what they were doing to you, even though at the time, thanks to them, you were really miserable. You feel an undeserved affection towards them, one that they conditioned into you. And if they're an author of their own sadness as they often tend to be, cos you're the kind of person they could take advantage of, you feel bad for them.
Even if you manage to resist their charms, and avoid getting pulled back in under their control, cutting them out of your life entirely can just feel...impossible. You still have way too much patience for their antics and their failings. He still regularly manages to talk my ear off for hours at a time about his latest personal fixation. He still tries to tell me what i should and shouldn't be doing. He just got me to watch a stream of his, cos he's become fixated on his new Youtube channel, and now he's inviting me to join a Discord server with all his friends. There's even talk of me joining in his tabletop RPG group. And hearing him talk about me as his oldest friend, seeing the cred it got me, it felt good. His praise still feels validating, in a way it just shouldn't. Some part of me still needs him to tell me i'm a good lapdog.
I know i shouldn't be letting him in to this extent again, but it's like swimming against the tide, i just don't have it in me to put my foot down and tell him to fuck off. I don't have the heart to kick him when he's down, which he always is, even if he can't see it. It really sucks just how complicated my feelings about him are, even after all these years of seeing through him, and processing the damage he did to me.
You have history with them. He was a huge part of my life for 12 years. He was my friend when nobody else would be, when i was that violent weirdo freak nobody liked. For a long time, my entire sense of self hinged on his opinion of me. I loved him. Among all that pain, there are happy memories, old nostalgia for the way they used to make you feel before you realised what they were doing to you, even though at the time, thanks to them, you were really miserable. You feel an undeserved affection towards them, one that they conditioned into you. And if they're an author of their own sadness as they often tend to be, cos you're the kind of person they could take advantage of, you feel bad for them.
Even if you manage to resist their charms, and avoid getting pulled back in under their control, cutting them out of your life entirely can just feel...impossible. You still have way too much patience for their antics and their failings. He still regularly manages to talk my ear off for hours at a time about his latest personal fixation. He still tries to tell me what i should and shouldn't be doing. He just got me to watch a stream of his, cos he's become fixated on his new Youtube channel, and now he's inviting me to join a Discord server with all his friends. There's even talk of me joining in his tabletop RPG group. And hearing him talk about me as his oldest friend, seeing the cred it got me, it felt good. His praise still feels validating, in a way it just shouldn't. Some part of me still needs him to tell me i'm a good lapdog.
I know i shouldn't be letting him in to this extent again, but it's like swimming against the tide, i just don't have it in me to put my foot down and tell him to fuck off. I don't have the heart to kick him when he's down, which he always is, even if he can't see it. It really sucks just how complicated my feelings about him are, even after all these years of seeing through him, and processing the damage he did to me.
Sometimes it all just gets to me, and i start to feel so sad and alone even with people around me offering their support. Because something in me feels completely wrong actually reaching out, admitting to the real truth of how i feel, and asking for the things i really need. And i wish so badly that i could curl up, and put my head in someone's lap, and cry, as they hold me and tell me it's going to be alright, that i'm alright. That i'm, i don't know....valid?
I wish that i could feel comfortable doing something like that. I wish that wanting that didn't make me feel so stupid and cringe. I wish i could feel the presence of people who are trying to connect, trying to help. I wish my life wasn't this constant conflict between the grown adult i've become and the child that trauma trapped me as somewhere in the corners of my mind. I hate even acknowledging that that part of me exists here, but like, is that really so wrong? Surely if i just keep pretending like it isn't there, i'll never have any hope of finding any real peace, right?
I wish that i could feel comfortable doing something like that. I wish that wanting that didn't make me feel so stupid and cringe. I wish i could feel the presence of people who are trying to connect, trying to help. I wish my life wasn't this constant conflict between the grown adult i've become and the child that trauma trapped me as somewhere in the corners of my mind. I hate even acknowledging that that part of me exists here, but like, is that really so wrong? Surely if i just keep pretending like it isn't there, i'll never have any hope of finding any real peace, right?
No it isn't easy cutting those out who have treated us and manipulated our way of thinking and viewing ourselves as well as the world around us. It makes me think of Stockholm syndrome. You feel this unrelenting empathy towards them, even if it is wrong. Even if they keep putting you down or basically treating you like a dog.
It's part of the psychological damage they cause you over the years and when it's a constant presence in your life and it's all you know, it feels impossible to rewire the brain to process things differently, correctly. Rewiring the brain circuits, fixing all those brain train tracks to go to the right stations, feels impossible. But that's why you don't give up. Keep telling yourself you do deserve better than that. i think you can still love them and be friends, but, you set your boundaries. You will find your voice to speak up and tell him when he does need to "fuck off" someday.
You're a kind hearted person. Kind people are often taken advantage of. Kind people often tend to give into those who are good at treating us like dirt. Not sure why, but that's how it always seems to go.
Remember, you deserve better. You deserve more.
You are valid. Your feelings and emotions are valid. You matter.
Do you feel as if you are undeserving of peoples support, empathy, sympathy?
It's so hard and painful feeling alone in a crowded room, with people expressing they care. It's a disconnect sometimes it feels, like a vital part in our brains became disconnected and keeps us at bay from those who care and want to support us. You deserve to have the things you need.
Wanting something like that isnt stupid, or cringe, even if it makes you feel that way. It's natural to want to allow yourself to be vulnerable with your emotions with another person. It's something we all need and deserve to have.
Honestly, i think so yeah. I feel like i'm never able to react to their support in a way they'd actually want. They make all this effort, and it's like it means nothing to me, even though it definitely does mean a lot. It just feels like people are trying to reach out through a 30 foot glass bubble. Despite all their effort, i still feel so far away from them, still painfully alone, and i don't know why. It must seem to them like i just brush off everything they say, and ignore it completely. And then i can often meet their attempts to help with paranoia and cynicism, which i know they don't deserve.
Thank you. I really needed to hear that. It's hard, admitting to myself, and even harder admitting to others that despite my efforts to be a grown man about things, inside i still feel like a scared, lost little kid, and i need someone to help that kid. So to hear someone say that's ok, it makes it feel a lot lighter, like it was worth pushing myself to be a bit more open.
Thank you. I really needed to hear that. It's hard, admitting to myself, and even harder admitting to others that despite my efforts to be a grown man about things, inside i still feel like a scared, lost little kid, and i need someone to help that kid. So to hear someone say that's ok, it makes it feel a lot lighter, like it was worth pushing myself to be a bit more open.
we appreciate you @Cynical Goatman and you are not clogging the thread. we appreciate what you say when you try to help others here and we want to offer support when you need it. you are a good man and i'm happy that you are putting yourself first
mike.....
mike.....
we appreciate you @Cynical Goatman and you are not clogging the thread. we appreciate what you say when you try to help others here and we want to offer support when you need it. you are a good man and i'm happy that you are putting yourself first
mike.....
mike.....
Who the hell looked at basic human rights and thought "Privacy... we don't really need that do we?". I once made the dumb mistake of joining in on my family sharing each other's location via Googlemaps, now I have to turn off location data on my phone every time I want to visit any shop without them all knowing (makes surprises impossible). My workplace is so full of cameras that the only blind spot (and I have tested) is in the toilets. Social media + Smartphones + Dashcams means you are never guaranteed that you wont end up becoming a meme if you ever do anything silly. Every piece of tech, every company Im a customer of, every cafe, supermarket, and pub, half my bloody incoming phone calls, every website, and my own (and everyone else's) government are all obsessed with finding out every single detail of my existence from my hopes and dreams to how many hairs are up my nose.
I feel assaulted by the never-ending invasion of my privacy, some days I just have to find somewhere isolated to scream.
I feel assaulted by the never-ending invasion of my privacy, some days I just have to find somewhere isolated to scream.
Why do I take things so personally? I know I should get upset over stupid comments on social media, but sometimes they really hurt.
A few weeks ago I shared some photos of my recent knitting on Facebook in a knitting group. I explained that they weren't up to my usual standard and about the accident. I said they aren't perfect but I'm improving everyday. A lady left a comment saying my knitting was appalling and only fit for the bin. The teddy bear looks demented, perhaps it reflects your personality.
I was really pleased with my attempts but after I saw that I lost all my confidence and my mood plummeted down to rock bottom again.
It's taken me 2 weeks to gather the courage to come back here.
I now have to start rebuilding everything from scratch again.
I HATE MY LIFE
A few weeks ago I shared some photos of my recent knitting on Facebook in a knitting group. I explained that they weren't up to my usual standard and about the accident. I said they aren't perfect but I'm improving everyday. A lady left a comment saying my knitting was appalling and only fit for the bin. The teddy bear looks demented, perhaps it reflects your personality.
I was really pleased with my attempts but after I saw that I lost all my confidence and my mood plummeted down to rock bottom again.
It's taken me 2 weeks to gather the courage to come back here.
I now have to start rebuilding everything from scratch again.
I HATE MY LIFE
I'm sorry that happened, it doesn't seem very fair or supportive. Social media seems to invite posts like that.
All I can offer right now is my empathy, and to affirm that you are recognized here, and supported. Pictures of your efforts are welcome here. We care.
I read your messages about the car crash, your injuries and your struggle to recover. I think you're very strong to return to a cherished hobby, despite new limitations. I hope your recovery continues physically, emotionally and mentally.
Your posts show resilience, and encourage me to see someone persevering despite of obstacles.
I would enjoy seeing your work.
peace
All I can offer right now is my empathy, and to affirm that you are recognized here, and supported. Pictures of your efforts are welcome here. We care.
I read your messages about the car crash, your injuries and your struggle to recover. I think you're very strong to return to a cherished hobby, despite new limitations. I hope your recovery continues physically, emotionally and mentally.
Your posts show resilience, and encourage me to see someone persevering despite of obstacles.
I would enjoy seeing your work.
peace
This week I spent some serious $ to possibly fix a long term ankle/foot issue I've been having. So far so good, but now I have to deal with the debt. Many of us have to consider trying to fix our health with unfortunately going into debt, and it sucks. But it's not like I bought some frivolous thing, I look at it that I made an investment in my body so I can walk without serious pain again, and that pain leads to mental anguish as well.
My major complaint is that my jackass doctor did not send me to podiatry after I asked him several times to do so, which would have been at least partially covered by insurance, instead he ignored me and there's a shortage of doctors so have fun switching. I've been through a lot of BS to try and fix this problem and got flat out ripped off along the way by others. This should not have took as long and been the nightmare it was having insurance and doing everything I was told to do
My major complaint is that my jackass doctor did not send me to podiatry after I asked him several times to do so, which would have been at least partially covered by insurance, instead he ignored me and there's a shortage of doctors so have fun switching. I've been through a lot of BS to try and fix this problem and got flat out ripped off along the way by others. This should not have took as long and been the nightmare it was having insurance and doing everything I was told to do
good doctors that actually care about their patients instead of money money money are getting rare today. i am lucky to have a great doctor. but even he is timid when it comes to opioid pain meds. at a time before cdc and dea he had me living in low pain and sometimes zero pain. i hope someday in the future doctors will learn to be compassionate to their patients and be left in peace to help their patients
mike
mike