Psychosis Support Thread
- Thread starter Butterfly
- Start date
Same Butterfly. 
Am... still crying about it, still denying it, still always wanting to stop my meds cause then again, no one always understands what we're going through and we didn't want ourselves to be struggling alone. No one deserves to be miserable 🥺 I just hate it if there's multiple diagnosis and plus thanks for saying anxiety and depression can cause cognitive problems on my previous memory thread, my pdoc says the same thing.
Am... still crying about it, still denying it, still always wanting to stop my meds cause then again, no one always understands what we're going through and we didn't want ourselves to be struggling alone. No one deserves to be miserable 🥺 I just hate it if there's multiple diagnosis and plus thanks for saying anxiety and depression can cause cognitive problems on my previous memory thread, my pdoc says the same thing.
Well, I have this too....
I have an episode (well, a severe one) about twice a week. Paranoia and auditory hallucinations. I hear voices all the time, although they tend to be auditory thoughts. I have to say, avolition, is almost as bad as the voices! I have no motivation to do a damn thing. It's really bad. None of the antipsychotics really work for me. I am on Clozapine, and have been for a long time. I am resigned to the fact I will be probably for the rest of my life.
I have an episode (well, a severe one) about twice a week. Paranoia and auditory hallucinations. I hear voices all the time, although they tend to be auditory thoughts. I have to say, avolition, is almost as bad as the voices! I have no motivation to do a damn thing. It's really bad. None of the antipsychotics really work for me. I am on Clozapine, and have been for a long time. I am resigned to the fact I will be probably for the rest of my life.
I'm sorry to hear of this trouble. It sounds like it has been long going, or going on awhile? . . . Is you doctor aware of this (the problems you are now experiencing?). Have they offered you up any alternative solutions, or suggestions, with regards medication changes, to your regimen? Such as - any that could be added, to what you already have... or combined; anyway--just wondering what reasonable explanations have been given to you, for help in your successful treatment, of some of the more pervasive, and unwanted, or (un)desired symptoms: such as those mentioned. And are you under the care of a good psychiatrist? How aware of you, and your history, are they?
In other words, how much of an/or great an "expert," are they on your condition, and your situation? Again, I am not a physician, so I could not even begin to suggest for you what would be a good candidate to substitute, or replace with any of your current or other meds... And even if I were, this would not perhaps be the most suitable or best place for that, given that you are, or were, not my patient.
In any event, I wish you well on the road to finding a path to success with all of this. It must be maddeningly frustrating, to say the least, when you have been on and tried that many antipsychotics. Some of which, I'd imagine, would come with them the risk of some less than pleasant side effects.
But don't give up, and don't give in. If you are not with a good doctor now, or your doctor is not doing a very good job (for you). Or even if they have been with you (for) too long, and maybe then it is that you could use a fresh set of eyes, for a new & different (or alternative) perspective. A fresh-take; or "second opinion?" It couldn't hurt. And you just never know when, or until you're in the room in front of the right p-doc, who is equipped with, 'the right brain!' (so to speak. . .) :^) Take care!
In other words, how much of an/or great an "expert," are they on your condition, and your situation? Again, I am not a physician, so I could not even begin to suggest for you what would be a good candidate to substitute, or replace with any of your current or other meds... And even if I were, this would not perhaps be the most suitable or best place for that, given that you are, or were, not my patient.
In any event, I wish you well on the road to finding a path to success with all of this. It must be maddeningly frustrating, to say the least, when you have been on and tried that many antipsychotics. Some of which, I'd imagine, would come with them the risk of some less than pleasant side effects. But don't give up, and don't give in. If you are not with a good doctor now, or your doctor is not doing a very good job (for you). Or even if they have been with you (for) too long, and maybe then it is that you could use a fresh set of eyes, for a new & different (or alternative) perspective. A fresh-take; or "second opinion?" It couldn't hurt. And you just never know when, or until you're in the room in front of the right p-doc, who is equipped with, 'the right brain!' (so to speak. . .) :^) Take care!
First of all, good idea to start this thread Butterfly. I’m sure lots of people appreciate it. Even if they don’t post here and just read about it.
Four years ago it all started for me. Since then I suffered from psychosis on and off. I’ve been hospitalized two times. I know how destructive voices are. They are always lying to me. But during my psychosis I don’t realize they are lying. So that’s the worst part about it…
A few months ago they’ve diagnosed me with schizophrenia. I ticked all the boxes for that apparently…
But what they call it doesn’t matter to me so much.
Every time I had psychotic episodes I would experience extreme fear. One time I hallucinated and peoples faces would shape shift into evil faces. Which made me absolutely paranoid.
I would talk back to the voices and argue with them. Or ask questions. Which got even further away from reality.
So that’s one thing I learned. I should not give them my attention. They are not worth it. Actually, to me they are just like bullies. They only want attention, and if they don’t get it, they stop trying.
They are nothing more than an annoying fly…I think it helps me to think about them that way. You know, make them as small as can be. I hate them so why not.
Four years ago it all started for me. Since then I suffered from psychosis on and off. I’ve been hospitalized two times. I know how destructive voices are. They are always lying to me. But during my psychosis I don’t realize they are lying. So that’s the worst part about it…
A few months ago they’ve diagnosed me with schizophrenia. I ticked all the boxes for that apparently…
But what they call it doesn’t matter to me so much.
Every time I had psychotic episodes I would experience extreme fear. One time I hallucinated and peoples faces would shape shift into evil faces. Which made me absolutely paranoid.
I would talk back to the voices and argue with them. Or ask questions. Which got even further away from reality.
So that’s one thing I learned. I should not give them my attention. They are not worth it. Actually, to me they are just like bullies. They only want attention, and if they don’t get it, they stop trying.
They are nothing more than an annoying fly…I think it helps me to think about them that way. You know, make them as small as can be. I hate them so why not.
My psychosis has recently returned. Last time I had psychosis it ended in early 2019 and I felt like it wouldn't come back because it seemed like a one time thing. I haven't slept properly for the past couple of months and I haven't left the house. My family is worried about me and keep urging me to get help but I feel like I'm dealing with it a lot better than I was last time when I didn't even know it was psychosis I was dealing with. I have a psychologist but I refuse to tell her about it because last time I mentioned my really severe symptoms I got prescribed citalopram which only increased my suicidal feelings. I'm terrified of taking medication, the negative symptoms really put me at risk and I don't want to cause my family or boyfriend pain by committing suicide.
I started experiencing symptoms maybe a couple years ago (that's when I was put on meds for it) but it's gotten worse since then unfortunately. I used to just deal with bipolar mood swings but now I suffer from psychotic symptoms whenever my brain wants to punish me more which seems to be quite a lot. Its not just the paranoia and hallucinations that are so distressing but the uncontrollable thoughts and emotions that make me into someone horrible. I still have trouble accepting all of this but most importantly the possibility that I have to live with this additional figurative demon inside me. I'm so worn out from everything else which is probably why I'm dealing with all of this stuff at once. I'm really hoping this is a transient thing and not an underlying disorder coming out. The symptoms have been improving since my antipsychotic was adjusted and now I cannot discontinue it because everything turns into a mess pretty fast. I've lost the mental clarity I had earlier this year and I still can't clearly tell between my dreams and reality as I'm living in a sort of haze.
This stuff isn't even the primary reason behind why I joined this forum, but it's pretty up there. I want everything to be okay someday.
This stuff isn't even the primary reason behind why I joined this forum, but it's pretty up there. I want everything to be okay someday.
Hi and welcome to SF. We're glad you've joined
Do you want to say how long you've been having the additional psychotic features?
I think thats probably what we all want, right? I hope that you find support here. This place is pretty alright.
Do you want to say how long you've been having the additional psychotic features?
I think thats probably what we all want, right? I hope that you find support here. This place is pretty alright.
I can't say for sure but before this year the auditory hallucinations I had were more background/illusory stuff for the most part but now I can hear multiple voices that sometimes outright speak to me. I heard my mother in the car ventilation ask if I could hear her. I've also had a voice tell me "first impressions matter; get help now" of all things. It was quite bizarre and that was just the auditory stuff. I honestly feel like a bit of a mess but I suppose it's good I'm somewhat aware of it.
Sorry that you're going through this @probablytaken
I'm glad that you're getting an antipsychotic that's helping. There are a couple other treatments that you might want to add. I can say more about that if you're interested.
I'm glad that you're getting an antipsychotic that's helping. There are a couple other treatments that you might want to add. I can say more about that if you're interested.
Yes, I actually found this place completely by accident googling something else. I'm glad I did.
My own awareness is a bit flaky I think. Other people have had to clue me in which is not a great feeling especially if I otherwise feel okay. Hindsight is of course 20/20 with mania and psychosis and it's not until I'm stable that I realize the extent of my behavior overall.
My own awareness is a bit flaky I think. Other people have had to clue me in which is not a great feeling especially if I otherwise feel okay. Hindsight is of course 20/20 with mania and psychosis and it's not until I'm stable that I realize the extent of my behavior overall.