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Self destructive relationship

#1
Hello all

I am currently in a weird situation. I am in a relationship and I need help figuring out how to stop sabotaging it.
I really love this guy that I am with, but I have no self worth and I don't feel like anyone could love me and actually want to be with me. I keep asking him why and just doing things that seems like UI am trying to end a relationship, I ironically never want to end.
what am i supposed to do to just accept it. I have awful nightmares about him leaving because I just feel unworthy of someone as amazing as him. I could go on and on, but I just seriously would like some advice on how to accept someones love and be at peace with it. I feel like instead of me trying to enjoy what I have, I am always caught up with the waiting and severe anxiety of waiting for him to leave.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.
 

Unknown_111

Forum Buddy
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#2
Welcome to the forum and SF family. YOU are hurting from high levels of anxieties.
YOU are important and put yourself through so much pain.

YOU are worthy of this relationship and there is no need to think different. There are two ways to see this as it might be related to matter of self confidence which can be overcome or a past relationship experience.

I am sorry if I sounded horrible but be rest assured that YOU are among people who care about YOU. Please do hard on yourself as YOU can get stronger over time.

Have you spoke to a counsellor who can help you? There is nothing wrong about speaking to someone about YOU feelings as it will always dealt confidentially.

Please remember that relationships are hard at the most of times. We all learn from our mistakes so please don't think you are no different. YOU must realise that boyfriend does care for YOU as he still with you and never doubt that.

Please think that someone in the world cares what you are going through. Life is important and that includes YOU.
 
#3
thank you.
talking to counselors is always so hard, i feel like everyday is some sort of crisis and by the time im done with exploding over my current past days, the more serious problems that are probably the cause of a lot of my issues get pushed to another session. by the next week, i am in the same predicament and its a never ending cycle, until I get a new counselor and have to start over.

i just wish i can get all the crazy things in my head out and keep them out.
 
#4
I feel like instead of me trying to enjoy what I have, I am always caught up with the waiting and severe anxiety of waiting for him to leave.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.
I literally identify with this so much. I've been in my relationship for 10 months and at the beginning, this all was so true. The only real way I have been able to help myself and my relationship is realizing that the partner loves me if he wouldn't he wouldn't be with me. I also constantly tell my boyfriend if he ever feels trapped or not wanting to be in the relationship he needs to tell me. Granted this can get annoying but I've explained my problems and why I have them to him so he is quite understanding. Also working on your own self-love can help tremendously for your relationship.
 
#5
I literally identify with this so much. I've been in my relationship for 10 months and at the beginning, this all was so true. The only real way I have been able to help myself and my relationship is realizing that the partner loves me if he wouldn't he wouldn't be with me. I also constantly tell my boyfriend if he ever feels trapped or not wanting to be in the relationship he needs to tell me. Granted this can get annoying but I've explained my problems and why I have them to him so he is quite understanding. Also working on your own self-love can help tremendously for your relationship.
I definitely understand this. I try to maintain some sense of calm, and the anxiety always seems to creep back in to the equation. I think a big part of the problem is what you identified as self love. That is something I have no idea on how to start, approach and mend.
 
#6
I just seriously would like some advice on how to accept someones love and be at peace with it
Have you had an discussions with him about this? Just telling him that you love him and the fact that you are struggling with accepting his love might help you keep things going while you try to work things out.

i feel like everyday is some sort of crisis and by the time im done with exploding over my current past days, the more serious problems that are probably the cause of a lot of my issues get pushed to another session. by the next week, i am in the same predicament and its a never ending cycle, until I get a new counselor and have to start over
You may want to try communicating to your therapist that dealing with the crisis of the most recent previous days is preventing you from addressing larger, underlying issues like self-love and your relationship. Hopefully there is a way to prioritize and alot time to each issue so that things are getting addressed proportionate to the best results.

If it's possible, you may want to add another session so that you feel like everything is getting taken care of.

You may want to also try going to couples counseling with him

There may be some psychology books about self-esteem and self-love, as well as therapy techniques like CBT, that could be helpful
 

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