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Stressed to the max

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lightning05

Well-Known Member
#1
Lately I have just been feeling like utter shit. As I've mentioned on forums before I hate my job but cannot leave until January of next year (leaving is not an option or I would have done so by now, trust me). Even though I am on the payroll and have been an employee there since May 2016 apparently now I am not seen as employee in my current position? I started out as an assistant (which apparently is seen as an employee) and now that I am an apprentice apparently I am in what my supervisor keep calling a "will hire" position. I was even told upon starting this apprenticeship that "a position is not guaranteed to me upon completion of it". I don't get it. I don't get how I can get hired in a lesser position and be seen as an employee and move up to reputable one and basically be told I can be let go as soon as my training period is over because a position might not be available. Even though the job I am doing now is a position!! The only difference will be when my training is up I will be licensed in that area of work and no longer have the apprentice title. The job is EXACTLY the same. Which should be a good thing, right? The fact that I have worked my way up from an assistant to someone who is licensed. Is it because they don't want to pay me more for my achievements and would rather just hire another person they can fire after training is done? Is that too cynical of me or is that real? If someone has any insight (I'm young so haven't had much work experience outside of restaurants and retail) as to why a company would see someone who currently works there as "not an employee".

At this point I am just wondering how I can maintain enough motivation to work at a place that shits on me daily and is basically telling me they are going to fire me instead of rewarding me for getting licensed. I wish I could just get my license and leave now. That is the torture of this whole situation: the fact that I NEED this job to get the license. But this job has become Hell for me. I cannot speak up or ask a question without being called a "problem". I have to constantly watch my back because there is a guy there who is in the CEO's palm, who snitches on people and actively tries to get them in trouble. The guy has snitched on me twice now but my supervisor has backed me up because both times I was taking an official 15 minute break that he vouched for. I basically get no respect. Taking a state mandated break paints me as a slacker. I am not seen as an employee. Whatever I say hold little weight, even though there have been 5 separate occasions I can remember suggesting something, it being ignored, and later everyone realizing that my suggestion was spot on and the correct thing to do. I can't wait to leave. Every day I have to tell myself, "it's just one more year. Just one more year and you can be free." But one year seems like forever when you are in this position.

I have finally taken the steps to register for the exams that will give me two of my professional licenses and make it easier to leave this Hell when January 2019 rolls around. Now I just have to pass the exams and finish up the last year of this apprenticeship, both of which are causing me stress. I am usually a good test taker but I have been out of school for a year and I haven't studied for an exam in a while. I know the worst thing is that if I fail I have to take it again, but obviously I am terrified of failing. I feel like the longer I have these licenses the better it will look on my resume when trying to leave Hell. I may be putting extra pressure and stress on myself over these exams because the desire to leave Hell is so great is overpowering everything I have right now. I feel like just me working at this place over the next year is going to cause me constant depression and anxiety. I'm just so fucking stressed right now I feel overwhelmed constantly.
 

lightning05

Well-Known Member
#2
Just to be clear, 1 license can be obtained by passing the test. The second license mandates I pass the test AND finish up a 2 year apprenticeship, hence the reason I am stuck at that job another year. I am just taking the test for the apprentice license early so that I can get it immediately after finishing my apprenticeship, just in case the job fires me right away.
 

Dawn

Well-Known Member
#3
Hi lightning, love your avatar by the way. It is so cute and makes me smile. Anyway, sorry about your stress. I don't blame u for being concerned about them not wanting to pay and hiring another apprentice. As u know, unfortunately u really don't have options for another year, but after that will have many. Wish u had more options now, but this will all pay off for u in the long run.
 

Malin

Falling in and out of sleep.
#4
I'm sorry, it sounds really hard on you. Having to stay when you know it makes you feel bad..

But atleast there's a light in the tunnel, an end to this. Hold on and you can make it!

My therapist told me that I always should have a bigger goal in the future to work towards and you definitely have that. And then to work through the bad days to finally start seeing how things clear up in the longer run.
It's not easy - but if you can just hold on it will be great for you. I believe in you.

And whenever you need to just throw up all the bad feelings you get from this place, you know where to go. We will always support you no matter what decision you make.
Malin
 

BarryW

SF Supporter
#5
Hello,
Over the next year many things could change. One or more of the people that are bothering you at work could move, quit, or get fired. People may warm up to you or get tired of harassing you and you might be offered a position there. Or perhaps you will leave there and find an amazing place to work at next! The possibilities are endless. Keep fighting!
 

lightning05

Well-Known Member
#6
Thank you everyone! Felt great just to vent that all out and you all are right, there is a light at the end of the tunnel so as long as I hold on to that and the bright future ahead after I escape the tunnel lol. Your words of motivation and encouragement help so much. Hugs!
 
#7
Comb through your contract and see exactly what it says, if you don't understand it fully ask your HR dept or an independent advisor to clarify. I'm not sure what the employment laws are in the US, but in the UK companies like people on apprenticeship contracts because they receive subsidies from the government, can pay lower wage levels and there's less long-term obligations.
 
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