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Suicidal Thoughts - Are you Feeling Suicidal Today?
- Thread starter Petal
- Start date
I don’t feel suicidal today. It’s not that I have figured out a way to live without depression. Instead, I got an idea from a book that I was reading. The author was telling a story about demons, and the punch line was that when the wise man stopped trying to fight the demons, then they went away gradually. This gave me the idea that I could relate with depression in a similar way. So, I am more or less resigned to take things as they come and not fight them as much.
Its ok @Lostman85. Please try to remember its the situation youre in thats causing pain. You are a good and likeable person. 
Just my $0.02 - I don't think bad people care whether or not they are bad. They just run around screwing people over and think there's nothing wrong with that. If you care about how your actions are impacting others, then my definition of "bad person" would exclude you.
At the same time, I know I feel like a moral reprobate more often that I'd like. I'm guessing that you are familiar with the fight/flight, freeze model of nervous system regulation. Freeze is what you go into when your sympathetic (fight/flight) nervous system is on 10/10 for too long. It involves calling up the parasympathetic NS to respond, but in an emergency capacity.
Per someone I trust on this matter, it is very common to experience shame when the body brings in freeze unexpectedly. I can detect it for myself in that this shame is not with regard to any recent actions, but more about what type of person I am. Another sign that flags this for me is that my confidence in my own ability to take care of myself plummets. Not only am I incompetent at doing the things i need to, but I also cannot change this fact. Both of those are false, btw.
What works for me the best is usually deep breathing. Hobbies or reading are good if I'm starting from a place where deep breathing is not working. Deep breathing works for most people because the breath is the one bodily process that is both automatic, and subject to conscious/manual control. It's also very connected to the nervous system's threat-detection activity. Breathing slowly and deeply has the effect of tapering down fight/flight, and bringing online rest/digest.
At the same time, I know I feel like a moral reprobate more often that I'd like. I'm guessing that you are familiar with the fight/flight, freeze model of nervous system regulation. Freeze is what you go into when your sympathetic (fight/flight) nervous system is on 10/10 for too long. It involves calling up the parasympathetic NS to respond, but in an emergency capacity.
Per someone I trust on this matter, it is very common to experience shame when the body brings in freeze unexpectedly. I can detect it for myself in that this shame is not with regard to any recent actions, but more about what type of person I am. Another sign that flags this for me is that my confidence in my own ability to take care of myself plummets. Not only am I incompetent at doing the things i need to, but I also cannot change this fact. Both of those are false, btw.
If you want the textbook terminology for being able to take care of oneself and the ability to change one's own abilities and/or circumstances, these are usually self-efficacy and internal locus of control, respectively.
The parasympathetic nervous system, which is colloquially encapsulated as "rest and digest," exists to balance out the sympathetic NS. In healthy individuals, these two alternate, and sympathetic activation is relatively rare and short lived.
We need the sympathetic side on deck to respond to threats, but once the threat has passed the parasympathetic steps in to calm back down so you're not just in a constant state of emergency.
Unfortunately, modern human life has very different stressors than those that our hunter-gatherer ancestors faced. This leads to constant stress, because the threat is abstract. We're never done defending ourselves from the abstract threats, and even if we do, more stressors come to the forefront. Ultimately being stuck in this state for days, or even years (ask me how I know) looks like anxiety disorder, major depression, and others.
Ultimately the body throws us into freeze. My subject-matter expert has suggested that shameful is how automatic parasympathetic activation feels from the inside.
If this is true, it implies that it's on us to intentionally engage the parasympathetic nervous system on a regular basis, especially when feeling very anxious, depressed, or immobilized.
The parasympathetic nervous system, which is colloquially encapsulated as "rest and digest," exists to balance out the sympathetic NS. In healthy individuals, these two alternate, and sympathetic activation is relatively rare and short lived.
We need the sympathetic side on deck to respond to threats, but once the threat has passed the parasympathetic steps in to calm back down so you're not just in a constant state of emergency.
Unfortunately, modern human life has very different stressors than those that our hunter-gatherer ancestors faced. This leads to constant stress, because the threat is abstract. We're never done defending ourselves from the abstract threats, and even if we do, more stressors come to the forefront. Ultimately being stuck in this state for days, or even years (ask me how I know) looks like anxiety disorder, major depression, and others.
Ultimately the body throws us into freeze. My subject-matter expert has suggested that shameful is how automatic parasympathetic activation feels from the inside.
If this is true, it implies that it's on us to intentionally engage the parasympathetic nervous system on a regular basis, especially when feeling very anxious, depressed, or immobilized.
What works for me the best is usually deep breathing. Hobbies or reading are good if I'm starting from a place where deep breathing is not working. Deep breathing works for most people because the breath is the one bodily process that is both automatic, and subject to conscious/manual control. It's also very connected to the nervous system's threat-detection activity. Breathing slowly and deeply has the effect of tapering down fight/flight, and bringing online rest/digest.
I get bad news it seems like everyday. I dont have life nomore its so horrible. Why did this happen and how was i so horrible to feel like this everyday. I have actually tried alot of different things for help and nothing has worked. I cant stop this pain when all that happens in my life is bad. Sry if anybody else is struggling cause your not alone. Everyone tells me this but every night im alone. Almost everyday I'm alone so that confuses me and it hurts when people say that. Actually hurts more that people don't understand the feelings I get cause they haven't experienced it. I cant stop breaking down knowing I have gotten thrown to curb so many times cause im depressed and suicidal. Nobody really understands or really cares what I'm going through. Everyone feels sorry and thats not what I want. I get screwed everywhere I go. Nobody can say anything that can me more than what im going through. Im not saying my situation is better or worse than anybody else's but don't want anybody to go through what im going through. When your mental pain turns into physical pain its not good. There isn't anybody that can help me. I love my family and friends but feel like a burden and im embarrassed cause of how bad I have gotten. I wish things were different and know that this is my life now. Im sry im struggling still and cant get over this. Its not right. I tried my best and ended losing everything I loved. Im sry
I'm sorry it's been like that.
I don't think you were horrible at all. Life has just been rough for you. It's just the way of the world that innocent people suffer.
In one sense you're not alone in so far as there are lots of other people who are also suffering. In another sense you're alone because you don't have many or any people irl who are supporting you.
You've got us though, and that's something a least.
Sending hugs if you would like hugs
I don't think you were horrible at all. Life has just been rough for you. It's just the way of the world that innocent people suffer.
In one sense you're not alone in so far as there are lots of other people who are also suffering. In another sense you're alone because you don't have many or any people irl who are supporting you.
You've got us though, and that's something a least.
Sending hugs if you would like hugs
I'm sorry it's been like that.
I don't think you were horrible at all. Life has just been rough for you. It's just the way of the world that innocent people suffer.
In one sense you're not alone in so far as there are lots of other people who are also suffering. In another sense you're alone because you don't have many or any people irl who are supporting you.
You've got us though, and that's something a least.
Sending hugs if you would like hugs
I don't think you were horrible at all. Life has just been rough for you. It's just the way of the world that innocent people suffer.
In one sense you're not alone in so far as there are lots of other people who are also suffering. In another sense you're alone because you don't have many or any people irl who are supporting you.
You've got us though, and that's something a least.
Sending hugs if you would like hugs
