Suicidal Thoughts - Are you Feeling Suicidal Today?

[Holding my breath]

unfortunately yes and no. i want to live as long as i still have some quality of life but i'm tired, so very tired. i'm tired of struggling, i'm tired of living in pain, i'm tired of sickness, and i am very tired of fighting. i have been daydreaming of suicide a lot, multiple times a day. this recent sickness isn.t helping lol. i am still safe. i have my method , plan and location finally in place but still have no intention of going by suicide, not yet at least

mike

This sounds really tough. I’m so sorry you are having to go through this Mike. The constant fight can take it out of you, and it doesn’t help that we are heading into the winter with darker days. I hope that you have help and support from your family and friends and that you are able to find some joy in your days. xx

 

[JanisSPK]

Sending hugs to anyone who would like hugs

Thank you May. I could use a couple of good ones✨☮️

 

[JanisSPK]

Janis, I’m very happy for you!

Thank you Limberjack. That is so kind of you to tell me so. I hope you are doing ok today. I’ll be coming back around and catching up with details on what has been happening for all the dear ones here. I have missed yall and need to know what’s going on with everyone☮️✨

 

[cev77]

Nope!

 

[SillyOldBear]

wanna die, but don't wanna do it myself

 

[may71]

Thank you May

You're welcome!

Here are some more hugs

 

[Moody_days]

yes got back from work last night drank alcohol, slept woke up and still feels like shit.
A lot of emotional things that don’t matter gotten through me. They don’t matter but somehow it feels like it matter.

 

[Harrow]

If I could find a way. I wouldn't be here another moment

 

[Condemned]

life sux but im terrified of death even though there is hardly anything left here for me anymore... lost close to everything that ment something to me.

 

[Foxtrot.Whiskey]

Re: Are you feeling suicidal today?

Sadly, I guess I would have to say yes since I've made that decision, but no date yet. The only way I can think of to get the physical pain to end!

 

[Foxtrot.Whiskey]

To

life sux but im terrified of death even though there is hardly anything left here for me anymore... lost close to everything that ment something to me.

I'm sorry to hear that. I don't know what you are going through, but I know what I was when I felt exactly as you had stated.

The unknown is terrifying. The way I look at it, there's a 50% chance there's nothing; and a 50% chance there's something. And that's what scares me; the latter.

When just about everything you care for is gone, it's the most empty feeling I've known. IDK but being on the moon might sound as lonely. I hate saying what I'm about to because it's so cleché. But just hang in there. One day it will be better, I pray much better for you.

If someone would have told me that before my attempt yrs ago, I would have laughed in their face. I thank God though everyday that I didn't succeed, until 15yish yrs later after I got sick. Those yrs with my wife, I would not change even though that would mean I'm still here to get sick. About 1yr later after my attempt, I found a very good job that lasted 15yrs. 1yr after that, I found the woman I eventually married.

I'm not saying it will take that long for things to change for you. It could be sooner, or it could be much longer. Just try to remember one thing, everything in life is just temporary (except maybe a life sentence).

I'm sorry you're suffering, I'm sorry we all are. Whereas it's a medical condition that brings me here, I pray you find your change in life sooner rather than later.

 

[LumberJack]

I’m starting to think that maybe the question of feeling suicidal is not a yes/no answer for me anymore. I’m definitely struggling with the desire to give up. I have to “let go,” huh? How about I “let go” of this disgusting meat suit! It’s not that simple, though. I have to solve a puzzle, or maybe a huge multi-level puzzle that is made up of a number of large puzzles that are in turn made up of smaller puzzles ad infinitum.

It’s important to me that I do this, however. I definitely want to be done with this life, and ideally with any future existence whether that’s reincarnation or some kind of sojourn in other realms. At the same time, I’m not so sure. I have a sense that I’m missing something. So the search continues.

 

[silver-watercolors]

I feel like attempting suicide would prove to people how much I'm struggling, but deep down I'm too scared to attempt and no method sounds like something I actually want to do because of that. I feel kind of embarrassed because I've been suicidal for so many years and you'd never know because every time I've gotten close I've been too scared of the pain to actually do it. And the hospital bills if it doesn't work would be so expensive and that makes me feel guilty.

 

[AmberMarie]

I feel like attempting suicide would prove to people how much I'm struggling,

This is more common than one would tend to believe. i have heard so much over the last 6 months about how some just want to be noticed. Yet also do not know how to ask for help. Or are afraid to ask. They just want people to understand what they are going through and feel alone in their struggles and as if no one would let alone could understand.

Both depression and eating disorders like it when we feel this way. Isolated... alone... out f control... so that we depend on either or both to fill that void, when in fact they are making us even more empty.

 

[silver-watercolors]

This is more common than one would tend to believe. i have heard so much over the last 6 months about how some just want to be noticed. Yet also do not know how to ask for help. Or are afraid to ask. They just want people to understand what they are going through and feel alone in their struggles and as if no one would let alone could understand.

Both depression and eating disorders like it when we feel this way. Isolated... alone... out f control... so that we depend on either or both to fill that void, when in fact they are making us even more empty.

I think I feel too afraid to ask for any more help. I know logically that my parents wouldn't be mad at me, just concerned, but I know they're already stressed and I don't want to add to that. I'm already on meds and in therapy, so the next step would be more frequent therapy or some kind of outpatient program I guess, but we can't afford any more help than I already have. I wish I either wasn't so scared of attempting, or that I'd stop wanting to attempt at all. I feel like I'm stuck in this weird limbo because I'm too scared to attempt and too chronically depressed to not be suicidal

 

[Windhover]

I came to the thread to write a response of: sort of. I was going to explain a bit more, but I found it's already here, written in the posts above by @LumberJack and @silver-watercolors.

 

[AmberMarie]

I think I feel too afraid to ask for any more help. I know logically that my parents wouldn't be mad at me, just concerned, but I know they're already stressed and I don't want to add to that. I'm already on meds and in therapy, so the next step would be more frequent therapy or some kind of outpatient program I guess, but we can't afford any more help than I already have. I wish I either wasn't so scared of attempting, or that I'd stop wanting to attempt at all. I feel like I'm stuck in this weird limbo because I'm too scared to attempt and too chronically depressed to not be suicidal

That sounds like you have some difficult choices. i am sorry you are going through this and feeling like a you are adding stress. Family/loved ones often times do not feel the stress. You have a healthy fear.

You might be on the wrong meds. Your therapist, or whomever prescribed the meds, should be able to help with that. i would like to encourage you to talk with them.

i say this, because i was put on some meds 25 yrs ago and they made me extremely si and even more depressed. They were the wrong type of meds for me. Not every med will work for everyone. i didn't try anything else. Just got off them completely. Recently i was put on a different med. It is working some. Still tapering up.

 

[Lara_C]

I'm already on meds and in therapy, so the next step would be more frequent therapy or some kind of outpatient program I guess, but we can't afford any more help than I already have

You might be on the wrong meds. Your therapist, or whomever prescribed the meds, should be able to help with that. i would like to encourage you to talk with them.

I strongly agree that it's a good idea to ask for a medication review as your present meds clearly aren't working as they should. You may need a dose adjustment, another med added, or a switch to a new one . The right medication and dose can make all the difference.

 

[silver-watercolors]

@Lara_C @AmberMarie I probably am not on the right dose (or maybe type?) of meds, but I've tried *so* many medications over the years and every time it ends up like this. They'll work for a while if they work at all, then somehow it just stops and I feel like I'm at square one. I don't know what's wrong with me that I don't respond to meds well, but it's really discouraging. Maybe there's a type of med I haven't tried, idk. I think I've mostly done antidepressants and ADHD meds, with mixed results. I did recently stop a medication because of the side effects, so I wonder if it was helping my depression or impulsivity without me realizing (the medication was for OCD). I actually need to get a new psychiatrist so I need to actually figure that out soon

 

[Lara_C]

They'll work for a while if they work at all, then somehow it just stops and I feel like I'm at square one

That's unfortunately not uncommon. Have you tried a mixture of two meds or more? It can be quite tricky to get it right. My friend only felt better when an antipsychotic was added to the antidepressant . Maybe a new psychiatrist, or second opinion, would help if you feel your present one isn't really getting it right.