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Suicidal Thoughts - Are you Feeling Suicidal Today?
- Thread starter Petal
- Start date
That’s very concerning. SH is especially addictive and will be difficult to escape. Any addiction sneaks up on us, and my field research is that SH is quite a bit faster and more intense in becoming out of control.
In my unprofessional opinion, it has to do with the stigma. We feel ashamed and want to hide it. It would be an understatement to say that shame is to any addiction like kerosene to a fire. The addiction grows from a fire, which is already a crisis, but now it’s exploding all over the place.
I’m just realizing that this might sound like I’m trying to scare you, so I want to be clear that I am only stating facts and how I feel about those facts. Please disregard this if it feels like it could lead to even more shame.
My true intention is to share with you that I think a budding SH problem is nothing to take lightly. It’s like a damn hyper-addiction.
In my unprofessional opinion, it has to do with the stigma. We feel ashamed and want to hide it. It would be an understatement to say that shame is to any addiction like kerosene to a fire. The addiction grows from a fire, which is already a crisis, but now it’s exploding all over the place.
I’m just realizing that this might sound like I’m trying to scare you, so I want to be clear that I am only stating facts and how I feel about those facts. Please disregard this if it feels like it could lead to even more shame.
My true intention is to share with you that I think a budding SH problem is nothing to take lightly. It’s like a damn hyper-addiction.
It's virual Reality but I'm your friend.
Oh, that came out sounding like a pun, it wasn't intended as such.
Send me a message if you want, anytime.
Oh, that came out sounding like a pun, it wasn't intended as such.
Send me a message if you want, anytime.
It's my birthday, and my biggest wish is for everyone here to heal and be happy 
for you @iloverachel
I don’t understand the same for myself. I’ve always wanted to understand why, but how could I understand something that makes no sense from my limited perspective? I suspect that the “whatever it is” holding us both back from attempting (again) has to do with something inside of us that wants to heal, and yet we don’t know how to listen to that- not for lack of trying, but rather because we don’t have a “vocabulary” to use for listening to that part. Maybe some people do, but I sure don’t.
What makes depression a disorder is that it’s not “about” something. That’s trauma or sadness, hurt, or disappointment. Depression can be a result of unmet needs, but it can also be a biological condition, or (more likely) a combination of both.
If my intuition is correct, then disorders of mood or thoughts don’t need to be understood first. We have to work without a blueprint, if for no other reason than that nobody has a blueprint!
It is my therapist’s idea, but I am playing with the possibility that it is not about understanding why I am struggling, but rather, what do I do now with the fact that I am struggling.
What makes depression a disorder is that it’s not “about” something. That’s trauma or sadness, hurt, or disappointment. Depression can be a result of unmet needs, but it can also be a biological condition, or (more likely) a combination of both.
If my intuition is correct, then disorders of mood or thoughts don’t need to be understood first. We have to work without a blueprint, if for no other reason than that nobody has a blueprint!
It is my therapist’s idea, but I am playing with the possibility that it is not about understanding why I am struggling, but rather, what do I do now with the fact that I am struggling.
It is the best advice, at least form my perspective right now. Asking yourself that is a tiny pause that's a lot more powerful than it seems, because breaks the parasitic loop thoughts and allows and nudges one (I'm practicing this lately) to choose something to do in that moment. Also, record it: make a quick note to give yourself credit in a journal.
I think there probably is some part of me that wants to get better, but I know things will get bad again because my mental health issues are chronic, and that makes me wish that I could go ahead and just decide to end everything now because if I'll be miserable most of my life, what's the point? but then I go back to being too scared to attempt, or feeling too guilty because either surviving an attempt or dying would be expensive and I don't want to do that to my parents, so I'm just going in circles feeling like I can't get better but I have no choice
I think I understand what you are saying. If so, I am all too familiar with that dilemma. It's the same cycle as you described - Life sucks - OTOH it would hurt the people I love, so I should get better - but I can't - life sucks even more!
So, at the end of the day I want to feel better. I can't feel good all the time but I can at least not feel miserable all the time. It sounds like you are ambivalent (as in strongly pulled in both directions) because there is no possibility of recovery for you, and yet you also fear for the effects of an intent, whether successful or not, that would result if these urges are acted upon.
This may very well be the case for you. I would not try to convince someone suffering from ALS that something unexpected right now could happen that would allow them to walk and talk again. It's definitely possible that some major scientific breakthrough could happen, but not realistic. In the same line of thought, I don't know if you can reasonably expect your suffering to ever get better without knowing the cause.
However, I know for myself that I can get better. Not all the way better, but I can take just one more step forward than I take backward. Progress is slow and definitely goes up and down, but over time the trend is encouraging. And that's what keeps me going for now. Maybe you can find something that works for you, too. I have a very hard time not doing something because it would be bad. It's much easier for me to want to do something because it is good, i.e., the long term consequences put me in closer alignment with my values.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to do some things that feel good in the short term but do NOT put me in closer alignment with my values, lol.
So, at the end of the day I want to feel better. I can't feel good all the time but I can at least not feel miserable all the time. It sounds like you are ambivalent (as in strongly pulled in both directions) because there is no possibility of recovery for you, and yet you also fear for the effects of an intent, whether successful or not, that would result if these urges are acted upon.
This may very well be the case for you. I would not try to convince someone suffering from ALS that something unexpected right now could happen that would allow them to walk and talk again. It's definitely possible that some major scientific breakthrough could happen, but not realistic. In the same line of thought, I don't know if you can reasonably expect your suffering to ever get better without knowing the cause.
However, I know for myself that I can get better. Not all the way better, but I can take just one more step forward than I take backward. Progress is slow and definitely goes up and down, but over time the trend is encouraging. And that's what keeps me going for now. Maybe you can find something that works for you, too. I have a very hard time not doing something because it would be bad. It's much easier for me to want to do something because it is good, i.e., the long term consequences put me in closer alignment with my values.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to do some things that feel good in the short term but do NOT put me in closer alignment with my values, lol.
