The depression and anxiety has gotten to me, and this time it's not going to get resolved. Now, I just want out, and there is only 1 way. I called in sick to work in November 2015 because I was having panic attacks. I went back to work for a couple of days, where I had really bad panic attacks, and couldn't do my work (which I enjoyed), then that was it, I never went back. I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital for 3 weeks in December. I left because I felt very lonely and wanted to be with my family, especially over Christmas. I deteriorated. Then, and only then, the psychiatrists realised I was addicted to benzos - the benzos the doctors and psychiatrists happily gave me, as needed, for the 3 years previous, and I was gradually taking more and more of. I had to start taking them regularly, and wean off. I couldn't wean off, and I'm stuck on a dose that doesn't help, but stops some withdrawal symptoms only. No positive benefits. Jump forward several months to now, and I'm now taking 5 different psychiatric medications, seeing a psychologist regularly, and have just been told by one psychiatrist that I have been misdiagnosed with bipolar spectrum disorder (not the same as bipolar), and I'm actually unipolar depressed with obsessional thoughts. I'm now taking 16 tablets a day - all for mental illness. They're not working. I feel as depressed and as anxious as ever. All that has happened is that I've gained 42lbs in weight. Yes, 42lbs. I was an ideal weight. Now I'm clinically obese. What a shit fucking 12 months. Fuck this, I can't do this shit any more. There is only one way out now. There clearly is no other way.