I want to drive somewhere and get away, yet I'm too afraid to put myself behind the wheel. Where I live you have to get on the highway to get everywhere, and that right now is too much for me to handle. I know the temptation to hurt/kill myself while driving is there. It is so scary. The way I feel now is very scary. I almost feel as though I am dead inside, walking around not really knowing where I am going or what I am doing. I have been chain smoking cigarettes and it is making my chest burn, but I like the feeling. I have never cut myself before, but I am considering it now. Lately I have just wanted to hurt myself and cause myself pain. Maybe it will make me feel like I can feel something again? I'm frustrated. I have done a lot of counseling already and I just can't seem to get better. Is there something wrong with me? I must be fucked up in the head to feel like this constantly, unable to find happiness and always beating myself up. I almost feel like I hate myself for being like this. I want out.