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Walking around and trying to stop pressing the self-destruction button.
- Thread starter Unknown_111
- Start date
This week I managed to get about around and go to some shopping malls. The ankle is hurting but I have been advised to do a lot of walking to rebuild my leg muscles. On Thursday I saw a homeless person who asking for money. I told him to just keep surviving and he was pleased that someone took notice. I gave him my loose dimes of $dollar and 52 cents. He appreciated it and I told him it was my pleasure.
Sometimes I feel that I am writing a daily obituary as I do not know how long I have left. I tell myself that to treat each day as my last day. To helps others as it's important to in order to regain my soul before I go. I want to leave a story for others to read and to realise how much I suffered. Another message to my haters, hate me as much as you want but remember I did not take revenge on anyone. My revenge will be my death (finger crossed it's a long time but who knows when their time comes to meet their toast -maker) Sorry for the last word as I by passing the forum rules in preaching religion.
Sometimes I wonder when I am buried in my unmarked grave. I want my haters to visit me and make sure they wipe their feet on me and curse me in hell.
Remember one thing when you visit each one of YOU will be held responsible for my death. You deny it how much you want but my blood will be on your hands. I will ensure that these words are read by everyone and I hope my death WILL SERVE A PURPOSE. If l have saved one life then the mental and physical pain I suffer everyday will have been worth it.
I promise my story will continue as I have no choice.................
Your pain is my pain........ I see the grim reaper smiling behind me everyday. When my death occurs I hope will be joining the grim reaper laughing along side him...... I wonder if the grim reaper ever washes his dark cloak. Perhaps I can wash for him when I'm on a OCD moment.
But perhaps I am being sexist ad the grim reaper could the opposite sex. Thought provoking.
Mmmmm. Mad but passionate about Life.
Sometimes I feel that I am writing a daily obituary as I do not know how long I have left. I tell myself that to treat each day as my last day. To helps others as it's important to in order to regain my soul before I go. I want to leave a story for others to read and to realise how much I suffered. Another message to my haters, hate me as much as you want but remember I did not take revenge on anyone. My revenge will be my death (finger crossed it's a long time but who knows when their time comes to meet their toast -maker) Sorry for the last word as I by passing the forum rules in preaching religion.
Sometimes I wonder when I am buried in my unmarked grave. I want my haters to visit me and make sure they wipe their feet on me and curse me in hell.
Remember one thing when you visit each one of YOU will be held responsible for my death. You deny it how much you want but my blood will be on your hands. I will ensure that these words are read by everyone and I hope my death WILL SERVE A PURPOSE. If l have saved one life then the mental and physical pain I suffer everyday will have been worth it.
I promise my story will continue as I have no choice.................
Your pain is my pain........ I see the grim reaper smiling behind me everyday. When my death occurs I hope will be joining the grim reaper laughing along side him...... I wonder if the grim reaper ever washes his dark cloak. Perhaps I can wash for him when I'm on a OCD moment.
But perhaps I am being sexist ad the grim reaper could the opposite sex. Thought provoking.
Mmmmm. Mad but passionate about Life.
The past two weeks have been as I have dealing a number of changes and I trying rebuild my life on a day by day basis. I have much from this life changing experience where I nearly took my life back December 2014. I give back here everyday as I know that's the right think to do. My life path totally changed as I know I have the three important things in my life. I cry every night not knowing whether I am going to be the next day. I try to live my life on a day by day basis. It's hard as I can never plan for the future as I don't know what my future is more but having to live from day to day causes me very emotional distress. If I have to consider the " final commitment" as the last resort, then I know I suffered a lot but at the same time given trying to redeem my soul. I might not be forgiven but I share my experience so others can read this passages knowing the most important in the world is LIFE ITSELF. My reputation was willfully damaged by others but I did not seek any revenge. If people think revenge is the answer then they are totally wrong. Revenging a wrong experience us totally futile but becoming a better person is the best option in life. I can honestly say that this sites saves me everyday and with thought of comfort it strives to recover from my broken ankle and at the same time showing others NEVER EVER GIVE UPON LIFE. We all here suffer in one way or another but YOU learn from such experiences when you are at the brink of a near death experience YOU NEED TO HOLD ON AND FIGHT WITH SHEER DETERMINATION AS YOU HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE IN LIFE BUT TO CONTINUE TO LIVE LIFE TO BEST YOU CAN. There is no other choice in the matter when you have being dealt a bad deck of cards by the Grim Reaper. The Grim Reaper might have a so called " Royal Flush" but the last thing I going to gamble is my life. I hope I have an extra " Ace" card up my sleeve before anything happens to me.
In the past week, I managed to get to the local town and bought some more smokes. I could not recognise any old faces who I have helped in the last two and half years. I did not approach any new faces unless it's all about winning their confidence. I only ended up giving two smokes to a old chap who appreciated. In the same tine, I returned to back to ER where they looked after me and I flourished the ER workers with chocolates to say thank you for the aftercare treatment I received. The staff really helped me to recover over the past three months as really struggled mentally over my predicament. I still hang to this mountain of life by two fingers but I more than determined to live each day even I know it could be my last one. Who knows what the future holds but we fight each together NOT SEPERATE to survive each day.
Remember please try to survive as I continue to do this impossible commitment. I might have suffer everyday of my life but I am determined to do it to reclaim my soul before I go. It might be impossible to do but I am very determined to suffer everyday of my entire life.
PLEASE, I BEGGING FROM THE BOTTOM MY HEART PLEASE REFRAME FROM TAKING ANSWER AND KEEP POSTING HERE EVERY DAY AS TOGETHER WE CAN SURVIVE. IF I CAN SURVIVE EACH DAY, SO CAN YOU......
Thank you reading my passage.... I promise my story will continue........
RESPECT TO SF AND THE SF FAMILY. UNITED WE AN SURVIVE TODAY, TOMORROW, NEXT WEEK, NEXT YEAR AND SO ON....
In the past week, I managed to get to the local town and bought some more smokes. I could not recognise any old faces who I have helped in the last two and half years. I did not approach any new faces unless it's all about winning their confidence. I only ended up giving two smokes to a old chap who appreciated. In the same tine, I returned to back to ER where they looked after me and I flourished the ER workers with chocolates to say thank you for the aftercare treatment I received. The staff really helped me to recover over the past three months as really struggled mentally over my predicament. I still hang to this mountain of life by two fingers but I more than determined to live each day even I know it could be my last one. Who knows what the future holds but we fight each together NOT SEPERATE to survive each day.
Remember please try to survive as I continue to do this impossible commitment. I might have suffer everyday of my life but I am determined to do it to reclaim my soul before I go. It might be impossible to do but I am very determined to suffer everyday of my entire life.
PLEASE, I BEGGING FROM THE BOTTOM MY HEART PLEASE REFRAME FROM TAKING ANSWER AND KEEP POSTING HERE EVERY DAY AS TOGETHER WE CAN SURVIVE. IF I CAN SURVIVE EACH DAY, SO CAN YOU......
Thank you reading my passage.... I promise my story will continue........
RESPECT TO SF AND THE SF FAMILY. UNITED WE AN SURVIVE TODAY, TOMORROW, NEXT WEEK, NEXT YEAR AND SO ON....
Yesterday, I hit rock bottom as I was suppose to have a nice day but I upset the ones I am protecting. My ankle is slowly getting better but what choice do I ha d but to honour the heavy weight around shoulders. I still cling on to this mountain of life by two fingers which I am determined to even though I live on a day by day basis. I try to enjoy life with fake smiles but no one can understand what pain I have been through to get where I am today. Trust me the pain is no harder than what I went through and I proof to others who might knock me down and libel me as scum. Remember my death will never be in vain. If I must do the final commitment to show my remorseful then I will achieve the impossible. As I still dice with suicidal ideation everyday I fight the urges everyday because I have no choice. People wish me dead no doubt, so be it but let it be remembered that I did it without any revenge planned as it's simple. Life is about being caring and helping others to achieve their dreams. I might live a nightmare but I will fight everyday for my life. If someone takes my life then fair enough because at least I helped others on my way to the gates of hell. Hell is calling my name right now but I will continue to ignore the howling of my name. I fight on a minute by minute basis and I will get stronger even with my weakened ankle. I have no choice but to fight for my right.
Even though I have a very vivid imagination, you learn from your mistakes to become a better person. Darkness will prevail a long time but no one will understand my pain. If the sociologists think I'm a threat to society then I hate what they think about the people in charge of religion factions and countries. I know as the human race gets greedy day by day someone needs to take a step back and tell others where has the caring aspect of life gone. Remember money cannot buy you happiness but give you a standard of life with comforts.
I fight everyday for life, so let me share your pain as I purse this impossible promise. I will do it as I am determined to and without revenge but feeling the pain of others.
Please stay strong now as I fight everyday and treat it as it's my last day. Like they say "Honour among thieves."
Even though I have a very vivid imagination, you learn from your mistakes to become a better person. Darkness will prevail a long time but no one will understand my pain. If the sociologists think I'm a threat to society then I hate what they think about the people in charge of religion factions and countries. I know as the human race gets greedy day by day someone needs to take a step back and tell others where has the caring aspect of life gone. Remember money cannot buy you happiness but give you a standard of life with comforts.
I fight everyday for life, so let me share your pain as I purse this impossible promise. I will do it as I am determined to and without revenge but feeling the pain of others.
Please stay strong now as I fight everyday and treat it as it's my last day. Like they say "Honour among thieves."
Last week, I went back to work and decided to keep my head down and concentrate on keeping busy. I am determined to keep this impossible promise but the ankle injury has been severe. It's a case of restarting again like I did two years ago. I get riducled as ever but I don't worry and try not react.
On Wednesday, I met the homeless girl who I helped some time ago and bought her a breakfast so I was ensured that she had a meal at least. I met another homeless person who really helped me over the past two years. I gave him a couple of dollars and some smokes which would help him. I know one thing that I might have thing today but I be one homeless then at I will be welcomed into the family.
I struggle everyday but I have no choice but to keep this promise. I must suffer everyday mentally and physically but I am determined to do it. I know I caused someone great hurt but I must feel this hurt every day of my life.
I'm no longer the same person but I must keep going everyday until I know my fate. I am determined to give back everyday but at the same time suffer the pain I caused. I got to admit I broke down yesterday but as ever survived.
I promise my story will continue as I have no choice.......
On Wednesday, I met the homeless girl who I helped some time ago and bought her a breakfast so I was ensured that she had a meal at least. I met another homeless person who really helped me over the past two years. I gave him a couple of dollars and some smokes which would help him. I know one thing that I might have thing today but I be one homeless then at I will be welcomed into the family.
I struggle everyday but I have no choice but to keep this promise. I must suffer everyday mentally and physically but I am determined to do it. I know I caused someone great hurt but I must feel this hurt every day of my life.
I'm no longer the same person but I must keep going everyday until I know my fate. I am determined to give back everyday but at the same time suffer the pain I caused. I got to admit I broke down yesterday but as ever survived.
I promise my story will continue as I have no choice.......
Brian, I might be in the gutter still but I am determined to fight each day as I have no choice. I would help anyone but don't expect anything in return. My life has been upside down by this third party. I still suffer from short term memory loss but I am determined to fight everyday. I suffered a lot but I dont think I have suffered enough. I will never take revenge to the third party as what's the point of taking revenge against someone who despises YOU. The best way to deal with revenge is to be forgiven and learn from the life experience. I might breakdown everyday but I will learn to live but I want to redeem my soul before I go.
It sounds stupid but I would break every bone rather than betray this third party. This statement shows remorseful I am and how determined I am to keep the impossible promise. If it means me doing the "final committment" then at least the third party will know that I cared and meant every word I write. If I have to become a "past tense" terminology then so be it. People need to read these passages and realise the experience I went through. I still hang on to the mountain of life by two fingers but in time I will reach the top and If I don't then at least I tried fighting.
I am determined to continue my promise......
It sounds stupid but I would break every bone rather than betray this third party. This statement shows remorseful I am and how determined I am to keep the impossible promise. If it means me doing the "final committment" then at least the third party will know that I cared and meant every word I write. If I have to become a "past tense" terminology then so be it. People need to read these passages and realise the experience I went through. I still hang on to the mountain of life by two fingers but in time I will reach the top and If I don't then at least I tried fighting.
I am determined to continue my promise......
Today, I started to cry when I opened my eyes. Like every time I post it was not for me but for the third party. Why do I cry I ask myself? The only reason I cry because I care but to ensure this person has the happiest days of their entire whilst I suffer darkness everyday. Surely as I write thoughts in real time, it's shows how stupid I am in still caring mode for the third person. I could contact the person but I don't I was to cause any further distress. I rather suffer for the rest of life so that the third party realises that I feel their hurt everyday. If this person wants revenge on me, then that makes me so be it. If they think I have not being punished enough then fine. I will take my punishment in terms of the final commitment. I hope everyone reads these words and realise they are words from the heart. I hope I breakdown in front of this person asking for forgiveness. If that gives this person satisfaction then so be it. This person must realise YOU destroyed me mentally and physically BUT I DID NOT TAKE REVENGE. IF YOU WANTED REVENGE THEN SO BE IT.
I am in agreement but I will never hurt anyone. The pain I suffer makes a better person in that I was "brainwashed" or call it "stupidity" on my part to proof myself which I did. I did without malice and I want the people to read my thoughts and realise how much I suffered but I use this experience wisely to show others YOU can overcome anything in life whatever is thrown at YOU. I might walk in the shadows of others but people need to realise that mental cruelty is harmful as physical violence. I still hurt very emotionally but I survive. I treat each day as a battle not knowing if it's my last one. I enjoy each day as its my last day but I try to help others where possible. Whether on this forum or in a physical presence. I would hold hands up to what I did but others need to read that I suffered a lot and WITHOUT REVENGE. I know one thing I write these passages not knowing if I am going to live the next day. It's no way of life but I have adjusted knowing that I cherish every minute not knowing if I survive the next day. When someone has the power to mentally and physically to destroy you, YOU SIMPLY APPRECIATE LIFE ITSELF. I want others to read these passages knowing my death was not in vain. If I have saved one life then my life has served a purpose. Like they say you can walk outside not knowing what fate has for YOU.
I struggle everyday but this forum and the impossible promise keeps me going. I have been judged by many people and fair enough if that is the case but what precious moments of life I have left, I want to help people to achieve their dreams. Is it a crime in telling someone to better themselves or care for them. I know I hurt this person very badly but I did I was told to do but if it means me taking myself then so be it. People need to realise that I keep my word and my promises.
Like they say when you are brought up from a young age. " Promises are Kept and never Broken". Yes, it may be considered emotional blackmail but I know deep down, I did what I was told to do but WITHOUT ANY REVENGE.
My ankle us hurting a lot but I am determined to keep my word and help others here everyday.
I promise my story will continue.........
I struggle everyday but this forum and the impossible promise keeps me going. I have been judged by many people and fair enough if that is the case but what precious moments of life I have left, I want to help people to achieve their dreams. Is it a crime in telling someone to better themselves or care for them. I know I hurt this person very badly but I did I was told to do but if it means me taking myself then so be it. People need to realise that I keep my word and my promises.
Like they say when you are brought up from a young age. " Promises are Kept and never Broken". Yes, it may be considered emotional blackmail but I know deep down, I did what I was told to do but WITHOUT ANY REVENGE.
My ankle us hurting a lot but I am determined to keep my word and help others here everyday.
I promise my story will continue.........
Yesterday, I stayed in the shadows and kept a low profile. It was a very difficult day as the "OCD" kicked in heavy but I limited myself to going mad. I controlled my "OCD" to a limit but I am determined to curtail my "OCD" by becoming a complete hermit. I still suffer mentally everyday but I'm so determined to do the impossible promise. I must do this as to show how remorseful I am for the hurt I caused to this person.
If I can survive so can YOU.
I promise my story will continue. ..
If I can survive so can YOU.
I promise my story will continue. ..