Were you bullied?

Discussion in 'Bullying and Violence' started by Petal, Feb 22, 2015.

  1. Smiley

    Smiley Member

    I was bullied when I was younger, I had 4 front teeth missing, I was also the shortest kid, speech impediment, socially awkward, anger issues, learning problems.

    I had an older kid pick me up on the bus once, he picked me up, held me upside down, and threw me on the seat. The principal held a meeting for everyone but the kid and his parents never showed up, instead the teachers and principal laughed at the way I said "upside down".

    In another school a kid took my bathroom pass, and threw it out, when I leaned into the trash to get it, he pushed me in. When I got out we fought. The principal made me use the bathroom in the nurse's station a crossed the school, he didn't get in trouble, many other things like this happened.

    I fought the teachers after a while too. My first principal I punched in the face, she died of cancer a few years later(still feel bad) The teachers I'd hit or spit on, and they'd have to restrain me. The second principal I kicked in the balls.

    After all the violence and learning problems I had, I was moved to a secondary school where I became the bully. This one kid in 5th grade just wanted to be my friend, and all I did was bully him, single him out in Dodge ball, call him names, make fun of him in any way I could (I've been trying to find him to apologise and make sure he's okay)

    The new school was strict on violence, at first I kept fighting the teachers, and some of the students, but I became one of the most popular kids in my screwed up school somehow. I made fun of a kid with big teeth, made fun of one for being extremely tall and skinny, one for sleeping with everyone and with 3 of my friends in the same night (she died, heroin overdose, left 2 kids behind) anyone I didn't like was a target.

    Over the years since I've graduated, I've reached out to a few and have made amends, still doesn't make any of it right. I've been struggling with trying to forgive myself for any of the horrible things I've done. If it helps my conscience any, I've only attempted to commit suicide 2 times so far this year, which is much better than last year. Although this year one of the attempts almost worked. Besides that my life is doing a complete 180, I have a girlfriend I love, a new car, the unconditional love of my child, a great job, but still I slump into the depths of depression at times, and avoid everyone and everything.

    Still, I'm going to keep looking for the kid I bullied in 5th grade, and see if he'll talk to me, let alone accept my apology.
    afterlifepig likes this.
  2. Lovetolisten

    Lovetolisten Well-Known Member

    What do you all think about those who blame bullying victims?

    I think it's bs. There's a whole context and culture here where bullies kids try to fight back and the group/school faculty makes things worse.
    Smiley likes this.
  3. jiipik

    jiipik Well-Known Member

    Yes, three years when I was 12 to 15. Quite intensely, the physical bullying wasn't really bad, but the mental part was, especially constant fear. Plus shame. I lived with my father (my mom died when I was 2) and was ashamed of being bullied, so never told him. The bullying plus having to deal with my father drinking (there was nothing really bad, just being ashamed of it and making excuses for him, but still) really made my teen years wonderful, ie screwed up my ability to connect with people, making friends etc. I am told that I was a really social and happy as a kid. Now, 23 years later I've recovered somewhat, I'm able to connect with people and not be cowering everywhere. Well, that's life :(
    Magalee likes this.
  4. jiipik

    jiipik Well-Known Member

    Anyone who places blame for bullying on victims must be some kind of a psychopath. Sure, everyone would be better off if bullying victims could stand up for themselves better, but they wouldn't be bullying victims if that were the case. Besides it's the bullies who do what's wrong, not their victims.

    And on my being bullied, I guess it was mainly because I was fat, also my accommodating personality.
    Lovetolisten and Magalee like this.
  5. Lovetolisten

    Lovetolisten Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your valid point. One of my most severe abusers blamed me for being bullied, as well as my assault history. I took her seriously wondering if it was my fault. Looking back, I did the best I could, and I did stand up for myself too. I was bullied by my racist classmates, because I looked ethnic. My school faculty took too much pride in their reputation to admit that their kids could be capable of bullying.

    When I told this abuser of an incident of how I stood up for myself, she still blamed me. It's one of those you're damned if you ignore the bullying, but you're damned if you do fight back situations.

    I think it's a myth that bullied victims are weak. It takes strength and resilience to endure that.
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2017
  6. Aquariusrising

    Aquariusrising Active Member

    Yes I was and it has traumatised me. I was the classic fat kid/teen mixed in with quietness and being unintelligent mixed in. I had nobody, no friends..nothing. I sat alone skipped school until I couldn't bare it anymore when I was 16. Teachers joined in or ignored it..even one said "let boys be boys". Both genders bullied me. In fact the boys were just as equal to girls. Teachers didn't bother to help me with school work and teachers hated me..one even told me "I was the most useless persom she had ever met" and I broke down and cried. No one cared. I have nightmares nearly every day and I still think about them all the time
    Lovetolisten and Magalee like this.
  7. Aquariusrising

    Aquariusrising Active Member

    This is exactly me right here...The pain eats at my core to this day..the unaswere WHYS of everyone hating me and the weeks of hiding in the toilets..the constant exclusion day after say year after year..the days having mum pick me up from school...the verbal bullying...just want to die it hurts so much and it happened 2009 and earlier.
  8. Magalee

    Magalee Hold on to hope

    Hi, I like your avatar, I'm a pluviophile too!:)

    It's terrible how you were treated. Sadly I also had teachers who ignored and even allowed physical violence against me during phys ed class. I'm sure what you went through was awful.

    I hope you haven't internalize the cruel words you were told about yourself. I hope your abusers from then aren't negative voices in your head that continues their abuse.

    Have compassion for yourself over all you went through.
  9. Aquariusrising

    Aquariusrising Active Member

    I wish I hadn't..but any shred of self esteem I have ever had has been dashed by my mother and mental health "specialists". I always consider myself useless, ugly and nothing. Karma is a lie..they all live well now and make big cash in jobs related to law and some even married. They were duxes, prefects, A+ people. Except one who made me the most miserable who wasn't but she seems successful enough. She made my life so hell I took of out of class one day. The memory of that day haunts me..she taunted me continuously. The pain of that day is like ripping a bandaid off a fresh wound. I am dealing with forgviness it just is the memories and words thst have stuck with me so much and the "whys". I am a Christian and trying forgiveness and trusting God. I don't get it and why no one cared me and still won't today when they are all still friends with each other..even the weirder ones like myself..yet I am not there. I am fortunate I never had physical abuse but my mental and verbal and social abuse was so bad for words
    I had two girls I tried to be friends with in 2003 and 2007 but they both turned on me. Far oit does that hurt. I pray they one day will genuiely ask my forgivess..even just one and I will forgive them
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2017
    CGMAngel and Magalee like this.
  10. Magalee

    Magalee Hold on to hope

    Sounds like you are suffering ptsd from the abuse/bullying. Also, victims of abuse often think they are somehow at fault, but it had nothing to do with you and everything to do with your abusers.
  11. Lovetolisten

    Lovetolisten Well-Known Member

    I would like to talk to someone via pm about bullying. I am looking for someone who didn't fit the stereotype of what a bullied kid should like. Whatever I was bullied for as a kid is what I get complimented on as an adult. I was bullied for being non-white as a kid, but nobody seems to care about this in my adult years.

    Personally, most bullied kids I have met and worked with didn't fit the stereotype at all. It irritates me when people make assumptions about you when you say you have been bullied. I think bullies do what they do bc they are mean people. It's not always the kid's fault for how they look or how they are. I also think bullies may be jealous of their victims.

    Also, are any women/men turned off from anything that reminds them of their bully? As an adult, I can't seem to have any attraction towards the preppy type of guy. The type of guy I like is the exact opposite of the preppy boy I went to school with.
  12. Lovetolisten

    Lovetolisten Well-Known Member

    Wow, the teacher was so hateful. You didn't deserve that.

    Growing up and even working as an adult, I am appalled at how ignorant and childish some school teachers are. Not only are they insensitive about bullying, but they are easily manipulated by teenage bullies. Come on teachers-you're the adults and are in charge.
    Aquariusrising likes this.
  13. Aquariusrising

    Aquariusrising Active Member

    What sticks out to me is a sewing teacher yelling at me "You are the most useless person I have ever met!". This all over the fact I kept forgetting the bobbin in the sewing machine. Teachers treated me like rubbish. My year 6(?) yeacher had a personal hatred to me and yelled out in class "You are nothing but a spoiled brat!". I was a quiet kid but she she just hated me so much....it was all over me playing and I said I did my work and she yelled that. My year 7 teacher started teasing me in year 8 and once said when we went to a aquarium how they should put me in there as a display (they had a scott display..the antartica journey..forgot been years since I studied it). He teased me quite a bit. My accounting teacher at high school as I couldnt do thework refused to help me and said to me "why did you sign up if you cant do it?" (I had college dreams). I say in class with my head down for each period as I couldnt do it. Once another teacher comes in when my head is down and I look over and he says sarcastically to the ither teacher "I see you have a very SMART student" and they are chuckling, Other things too but I was a high school drop out due to all the bullying and stuff like this and no teachers helpinng me
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2017
  14. Aquariusrising

    Aquariusrising Active Member

    yeah it was one my high school science teachers he refused to help me in class but weirdly i had a crush on him and he was like 50..I was 15 and hormonal I guess..
  15. VauxB

    VauxB Member

    I was bullied by my mother (still am). She made sadistic jokes at my expense, humiliated me and my friends (like, completely stonewalling my boyfriend at dinner, and not saying one word to him the entire evening), she calls me names and screams at me, and makes latent threats about groups I identify with - like while watching TV she's say that millenials should just be dragged out and shot for being lazy, so they're not a burden on society. I am a millenial; and, I'm her child.

    I now understand why she did it. She has a bottomless pit inside her, that mostly full of fear (and an serious, undiagnosed personality disorder), and was terrified that any other women in her family would "steal" her husband away from her. She banned my dad from talking to other women when she's not present, and she's dive-bombed my sister in law and other relationships that involved the men in my family. She targeted me because I was the smallest in the family, the most easily manipulated, and the one that was easiest to isolate in the family so I had no support. It made her feel powerful and secure, every time she lashed out at me and was the "alpha" female in the house, or when she could manipulate my brother or father into lashing out or controlling me, that would make her feel safe, and temporarily fill the pit a little. That's the only reason she bullied me - to fill a void inside her, and make her feel less alone, less scared, less vulnerable and more in control of things that terrified her.
    CGMAngel and Magalee like this.
  16. Emerald Gemstone Blogger

    Emerald Gemstone Blogger Active Member

    Yes. I was bullied throughout my entire school career and it was because of that bullying that lead to my first thoughts of suicide at sixteen.

    High school was rough. I was the token working class kid in a rich school, so you know I had a rough go from the beginning. But in one year, I had my locker torched, I had a smear campaign with posters plastered all over the cafeteria spreading horrible lies. I even had a message through my student e-mail account telling me that the school would be better off if I killed myself.

    But what was worse than having my classmates bully me was the fact that I had a teacher bully me. It was first grade and I was placed in Miss V's class. She made my life hell. She saw that I was not holding a pencil properly (I had poor motor skills) and she made me these crayons and pencils that had these big bulky triangle things on them - essentially advertising the fact that I had poor motor skills. But I suppose one could look at it as her TRYING to help.

    Then we had school fundraising where we had to sell wrapping paper for the school...and Miss V gave one to every kid in the class - except me. Made a big show of it too. After class, I asked her why I couldn't have one, and she said she didn't have any left - even though there were three forms CLEARLY visible on the desk. I should have just taken one and told her off, but I was taught to respect my elders, so I let it go.

    The final straw came when it came down to my walking style. My arches in my feet didn't fully develop when I was a kid, so I had to walk on my tiptoes to avoid uncomfortable pain. The problem did correct itself around fifth grade, but until then, walking on my tiptoes was the only comfortable way. But to her, it was like I had brain damage and she actually sent me out with a social worker type person who made me walk around the school with a book on my head to improve my walking style. Keep in mind that this was the late 1980's and teachers got away with a lot more back then. It was so ridiculous and I could not even go to the washroom until I promised to walk on my flat feet. IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CLASS. Cue the years of merciless bullying. All because a teacher tried to fix someone that didn't need to be fixed.

    That was the year that I gave up trusting most authority figures...
  17. j0cu

    j0cu Member

    I was bullied as long as I can remember. From kindergarten to the end of primary school. It was mostly verbal than physical. Just because I was an easy target to bullies.
  18. Huck Finn

    Huck Finn A lost cause

    I was bullied pretty much my entire life. I was bullied at home, at school and now at work. It is basically part of my life, since I was a boy, I've been told, by my parents and other relatives that I am going to be a failure when I grow up, at school I've been called a freak, weirdo, ****** (because I looked quite girly back then). Some of my teachers were picking on me quite often, commenting my appearance (I never got the nice clothes, got a pair of jeans and 2 shirts at the beginning of the school year and I got new shoes once every 2 years or so, all of this from 2nd hand stores. I am pretty sure I was stinky most of the days since the rule at home was "shower only on Sunday"). Years passed and the verbal abuse evolved into physical, again at home and at school. My father used to beat me up with the dogs leash, my back was on stripes all the time. Started smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol when I was 11, because back then it was considered a cool thing to do, and all I wanted was to fit in. Now that I am grown up the physical abuse is long time over, I am getting screwed on emotional level by the only people stayed with me from my past, my parents. I have no self-esteem whatsoever, I feel like I am stucked in my teens refusing to grow up, I don't know how to be an adult, yes I do adult things like going to work, paying bills, doing my laundry, cook sometimes but I don't like it, I don't understand it and frankly I don't want to do any of it. Now I have the opportunity to whatever the hell I want, buying things I wasn't allowed staying late playing computer games on my days off, bought 4 guitars and currently learning how to play (I remember crying my heart out, begging for a cheap guitar which I end up buying with my savings, and the moment I bring it home my dad smashed it into little pieces.) I am realising just how much I missed, and trying to catch up, but the price I have to pay is loneliness. I do want to have friends, a wife, a family. But all of this seems unachievable because I can't get myself together and get a better job, and I can't get a better job because I am broken... My job makes no sense, as I can do way better, my social life is garbage. So in the end, they were all right... I guess... I am a failure, 32 years of just existence, and it doesn't seem to get any better. So why bother... The only fight I am still winning is the fight to stay alive, and I feel like I am reaching my limits.
    I am not sure how readable my post is, as English is not my native language, but I hope it makes sense.
  19. Struggling along

    Struggling along SF Supporter

    I have been bullied most of my life....I had family problems, where I strongly suspected I would be given up for adoption, then when I wasn't I tried so hard to please everyone around me.......too much! I got bullied through my infant, junior and senior years, because I was so desperate to have a friend. During my senior years I was also unfortunately to develop a big nose, which was made worse when an old car's boot slammed down on it! After cosmetic surgery I feel a bit better about myself, but I'm still wary of bullies.
  20. Null

    Null Well-Known Member