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What should I do?

#1
Hello, again. I haven't been here for a while for reasons but, I wanted to come back I needed someone to talk to. Lately over the past few months I feel depressed again. It's worst this time. Back in high school I would get fleeting thoughts of suicide, but I could easily distract myself. Now I just feel empty and dead inside. No matter what I do, I just can't feel anymore. I'm a little scared. One morning I couldn't bring myself to get up. Usually I can do it, because I have work to go to; but sometimes I can't find a reason to get up. I don't even care if I'm late for work or if I get fired.
I used to love drawing, I could spend three or four hours on one piece, sometimes five or six if I wanted to draw more. Now I'll draw for a hour or half an hour and spend the rest of the day doing nothing. I loved listening to music and writing, it was the same with drawing essentially, now I can't bring myself to do both. Usually writing would help me with my suicidal thoughts(ironically I would write stories about suicidal people); it's does nothing for me now. Music was the same way; now when I listen there just no spark anymore. I don't even play video games anymore, or make an effort to talk to my friends. I tried to give myself only one day to play games, which would end up being two days...then three (I give myself a limited time so I can practice more art); now I can't even play a simple dating sim on my computer. I used to be the weird one in my group of friends, I was the one who would spontaneously get us all to hang out; but now I just don't care anymore. Most of my days I spend doing nothing but looking at the ceiling.
I feel so dead inside. I don't know if I have depression. Due to the traditional "back in my day you just got over it" family I live in they won't let me go back to therapy. I have a minimum wage job, and the area I live in has ridiculous high rent prices so I won't be able to live a alone for a while. I have friends (only two), but they aren't the type of people who would understand. Crisis text lines only help some much. I just don't feel, I don't even care if I die. What are some things you all do when just feel dead? I don't know what else to do now.
I thought about creating a bucket list, which doesn't work because I just forget about it eventually. Cutting helped once, but it's a little hard to do when everyone around. I downloaded a self care app, it's like Tylenol it only helps for half of my day. What else should I try?
 

may71

Well-Known Member
#2
Sorry that you are going through this Ann

What else should I try?
The links in my signature have some information about treatment methods, including some self-help and alternative methods

Due to the traditional "back in my day you just got over it" family I live in they won't let me go back to therapy
There may be some free or low-cost healthcare options available depending on where you live. Do you want to say what country you are in?

Do you know what the root cause of your depression is?
 

Petal

SF Number 1 Fan
Staff member
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#3
Hello, Ann :) Welcome back to the forum.

Due to the traditional "back in my day you just got over it" family I live in they won't let me go back to therapy.
Hi Ann, your profile says you are 19, therefore they don't have to know you are going to therapy, if you want to go and feel you need to then I think you should go and just not make them aware of it.

I have a minimum wage job, and the area I live in has ridiculous high rent prices so I won't be able to live a alone for a while.
Have you looked into going back to some sort of education? It seems like the best way forward in my eyes. Or even do some online educational courses, the high rent prices do suck in general, I agree there.

What else should I try?
At the moment I am listening to calming music on youtube, it does help and I think you should try the guided meditation videos, they are quite helpful. Other than that you could try exercise, you could try making a bucket list and keeping it in a private diary so you won't forget about it, you could try see if there's a way you can see a doctor regarding taking anti depressants and see are there any mental health groups in your area that have classes etc.. wishing you the best, feel free to pop by here anytime you feel like it, SF is always here for you.
 

MarvelFan

Vanity of Vanities
#4
Hello, again. I haven't been here for a while for reasons but, I wanted to come back I needed someone to talk to. Lately over the past few months I feel depressed again. It's worst this time. Back in high school I would get fleeting thoughts of suicide, but I could easily distract myself. Now I just feel empty and dead inside. No matter what I do, I just can't feel anymore. I'm a little scared. One morning I couldn't bring myself to get up. Usually I can do it, because I have work to go to; but sometimes I can't find a reason to get up. I don't even care if I'm late for work or if I get fired.
I used to love drawing, I could spend three or four hours on one piece, sometimes five or six if I wanted to draw more. Now I'll draw for a hour or half an hour and spend the rest of the day doing nothing. I loved listening to music and writing, it was the same with drawing essentially, now I can't bring myself to do both. Usually writing would help me with my suicidal thoughts(ironically I would write stories about suicidal people); it's does nothing for me now. Music was the same way; now when I listen there just no spark anymore. I don't even play video games anymore, or make an effort to talk to my friends. I tried to give myself only one day to play games, which would end up being two days...then three (I give myself a limited time so I can practice more art); now I can't even play a simple dating sim on my computer. I used to be the weird one in my group of friends, I was the one who would spontaneously get us all to hang out; but now I just don't care anymore. Most of my days I spend doing nothing but looking at the ceiling.
I feel so dead inside. I don't know if I have depression. Due to the traditional "back in my day you just got over it" family I live in they won't let me go back to therapy. I have a minimum wage job, and the area I live in has ridiculous high rent prices so I won't be able to live a alone for a while. I have friends (only two), but they aren't the type of people who would understand. Crisis text lines only help some much. I just don't feel, I don't even care if I die. What are some things you all do when just feel dead? I don't know what else to do now.
I thought about creating a bucket list, which doesn't work because I just forget about it eventually. Cutting helped once, but it's a little hard to do when everyone around. I downloaded a self care app, it's like Tylenol it only helps for half of my day. What else should I try?
You should try to seek professional help of a therapist and or a psychiatrist, and also after that we are here to listen to you and it is really nice to meet you. :)
 
#5
Sorry that you are going through this Ann


The links in my signature have some information about treatment methods, including some self-help and alternative methods



There may be some free or low-cost healthcare options available depending on where you live. Do you want to say what country you are in?

Do you know what the root cause of your depression is?
Sorry for the late reply, I felt better for a few days. My mood been like that lately, I'm perfectly for a moment or a few days. Then I'm back to feeling numb. I can't really say what the root cause of my depression is. I'm living in a very expensive country along the west coast of the U.S.A. So yeah rent is ridiculous here, healthcare isn't any better.

Thank you for the links I'll look through them.
 

Ineluki

The Storm King
Chat Pro
#6
Hi Ann

I am recovering from a bout of depression myself, so I probably shouldn't give you any advice right now, but I am going to try anyway. I have been through many bouts of it, and they always go away sooner or later, like fog lifting. I think it is like driving. You do better if you look farther down the road.

Also, if you haven't already, you might want to check and see if there is a DBSA group near where you live. They can sometimes help you find free or low cost help in your area.
 
#7
Hi Ann

I am recovering from a bout of depression myself, so I probably shouldn't give you any advice right now, but I am going to try anyway. I have been through many bouts of it, and they always go away sooner or later, like fog lifting. I think it is like driving. You do better if you look farther down the road.

Also, if you haven't already, you might want to check and see if there is a DBSA group near where you live. They can sometimes help you find free or low cost help in your area.
I'm sorry about your depression. Right now I'm just trying simple coping methods, if it gets unbearable I'll try looking into a DBSA group. Thank you for the reply.
 
#8
Hello, again. I haven't been here for a while for reasons but, I wanted to come back I needed someone to talk to. Lately over the past few months I feel depressed again. It's worst this time. Back in high school I would get fleeting thoughts of suicide, but I could easily distract myself. Now I just feel empty and dead inside. No matter what I do, I just can't feel anymore. I'm a little scared. One morning I couldn't bring myself to get up. Usually I can do it, because I have work to go to; but sometimes I can't find a reason to get up. I don't even care if I'm late for work or if I get fired.
I used to love drawing, I could spend three or four hours on one piece, sometimes five or six if I wanted to draw more. Now I'll draw for a hour or half an hour and spend the rest of the day doing nothing. I loved listening to music and writing, it was the same with drawing essentially, now I can't bring myself to do both. Usually writing would help me with my suicidal thoughts(ironically I would write stories about suicidal people); it's does nothing for me now. Music was the same way; now when I listen there just no spark anymore. I don't even play video games anymore, or make an effort to talk to my friends. I tried to give myself only one day to play games, which would end up being two days...then three (I give myself a limited time so I can practice more art); now I can't even play a simple dating sim on my computer. I used to be the weird one in my group of friends, I was the one who would spontaneously get us all to hang out; but now I just don't care anymore. Most of my days I spend doing nothing but looking at the ceiling.
I feel so dead inside. I don't know if I have depression. Due to the traditional "back in my day you just got over it" family I live in they won't let me go back to therapy. I have a minimum wage job, and the area I live in has ridiculous high rent prices so I won't be able to live a alone for a while. I have friends (only two), but they aren't the type of people who would understand. Crisis text lines only help some much. I just don't feel, I don't even care if I die. What are some things you all do when just feel dead? I don't know what else to do now.
I thought about creating a bucket list, which doesn't work because I just forget about it eventually. Cutting helped once, but it's a little hard to do when everyone around. I downloaded a self care app, it's like Tylenol it only helps for half of my day. What else should I try?
 

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