• IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Please read THIS THREAD about a rebrand for SF.

Why should a person like me live?

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#21
Thoughts are very powerful, and gain more power the more you think them so the only solution is to find out how to switch them off. As you are the source of all your thoughts, by knowing yourself as such you have power to dissolve them as soon as they arise. All you need to do is turn your attention away from your thoughts to yourself as thinker of them. Become aware of the one who is having the thought and the unwanted thought will disappear. This is true meditation and it takes practice, but if you persevere it will work without fail. To know yourself focus your attention on the innate awareness of your own existence -just being- bringing it back when thoughts which distract your attention from it arise. It's just a matter of replacing old mental habits with a new one.
 

Lane

SF Pro
SF Supporter
#22
Even I don't see shyness and introversion as negatives. But, they're not very helpful out in the real world where you need to engage with people.

The job thing might happen but it could be like the first job that I did for 2 years and quit 4.5 years ago. I was good at it and absolutely hated it. That was the first time I searched for suicide methods on the internet. Before that, it was just about running simulations in my head of me committing suicide. I don't think there will be a job where I find myself satisfied, forget excited. Also, since I've had gaps, I will get something with less pay. Everyone, including me, will compare it to what my friends are earning. They're all in the workforce since 2013, they've had promotions, even they will think I have stayed behind. It's not the right way to think, but that's the kind of thinking I've got.

I think that I know myself well. I think I understand how my brain works. I remain miserable even after that because I think I probably like being down and negative. I really think there is no way out. Job or no job, the brain won't change, it refuses to change.
I get it about how you you you "like being down and negative".

I used to feel like that. But, I realized that when I felt a happy minute and it felt weird to me, it was that I was so used to feeling depressed.

I also get how you see your peers being successful. Most of the "girls"i went to college with and highschool to have good jobs or intact families. I have neither but keep going and try not to compare and participate in keeping connected without thinking what they think if me, because I'm still a good person. You are too. Its sounds cliche, but it's the cards one is dealt in life sometimes, just my belief. I hope I'm not coming off as crass, I havent had much sleep last night.
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#23
What do you think would help your situation? It seems to me the first thing is to stop blaming yourself. Self-hatred makes everything else harder, and gives you that feeling that you aren't worth the effort.
I genuinely have no clue about what could help my situation. As for things like anxiety and self-doubt, I've always had them. It's built-in and I can't switch it off. The loser mentality has always been there, it's just the past couple of years I realized that there's a way out. There's no point in prolonging the misery when you understand who you are.
You can’t switch it off but you can work on reducing it and coping with it better. The understanding you have about who you are is flawed
 
#24
To be frank, I don't think I have a mental problem. I think I am just lazy and I don't want to change that. And with my kind of personality, I think killing yourself is the best option.
 

Gunslinger2020

Well-Known Member
#25
To be frank, I don't think I have a mental problem. I think I am just lazy and I don't want to change that. And with my kind of personality, I think killing yourself is the best option.
It's not the best option and I think you know that. I assume you have some form of family? Or pets? Or someone/thing whose suffering would be increased if you killed yourself. So you're morally obliged to make an effort to avoid that scenario in my opinion.

I'm lazy as hell a lot of the time too, don't get me wrong. My parents used to say I needed to be sent off to boot camp or made to fend for myself in the desert for a while. Of course I knew better than them back then, but now I think it's not such a bad idea.

I've noticed interesting things happen when you make changes, but more importantly when you do things rather than think about them (or read about them or talk about them).

Sometimes I have to get something done and it's like every cell in my body is resisting it. But as I get older I'm getting better at just doing it, no matter how bad I feel emotionally or physically. I might hate it for a while but it's as if by osmosis something shifts. I get a kind of momentum happening and can end up being quite productive.

The key to it though is action rather than thought. People with anxiety/depression are prone to too much anxious introspection, which results in shame and guilt which are just toxic.

I hope that helps a bit and I don't come off as preachy. I'm very far from being a Tony Robbins type ;)

Cheers
 

Gunslinger2020

Well-Known Member
#27
But how does one get over this shame, guilt and constant negativity?
Well that's a lifelong task for some of us who copped more than our fair share I guess. But essentially by just doing what needs to be done. Noone is saying it's easy.

I'm a huge fan of Jordan Peterson and he says something about "staggering and stumbling our way toward the light" (as in our goals not our death, heh). I think a big part of the problem is we're led to believe we'll somehow float toward the light once we just find that magic bullet. Nah.. It's much more like dragging yourself through broken glass sometimes, but you do it and it gives you the courage to do more. Courage is really where it's at I think.
 
Last edited:

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#28
But how does one get over this shame, guilt and constant negativity?
By realizing they are only thoughts by turning your attention to yourself as the one who is thinking them. Since they are a habitual pattern, they are powerfully attention grabbing, but you are not defined by or limited to them. As the thinker of them, you are not your thoughts, so become aware of yourself as that and keep your attention there. The unwanted, dysfunctional thoughts will disappear into nothingness, leaving you in peace. As you are the source of your thoughts, you can take charge of them.
 

Gunslinger2020

Well-Known Member
#29
Hey @Merchant of Gloom I'm right in the midst of laziness and procrastination, so I will tell you my strategy. I need to get in the shower, get dressed and be ready to go out, but I can put this off for literally hours. So I think "ok no more YouTube videos until I organise clothes" and make myself do it. Then I watch a video (or two). Then I make myself get in the shower (I put the clothes in the bathroom so it's easy to just get dressed). Then I probably watch a video lol before I'm fully ready to go out. I'm like a child who needs to parent itself because my mother wasn't the greatest at it. I even say things out loud sometimes. So you see, not everyone is as functional as we tend to imagine :)
 

Lane

SF Pro
SF Supporter
#30
I am almost 30 and unemployed. My experience of life has never been that great. I am really shy, introverted, anxious, very pessimistic and an extremely negative thinker. I have no idea what I should do in life and I have no real interests. I have never been in love, never been in a relationship, never even kissed someone. Most importantly, I am unwilling to change. And I know that unless I change something, my life won't change on its own. An example of this is: I haven't been studying/preparing for any interviews. In fact, I shudder at the sound of my phone's ringtone now since I am scared of interviews. I have stopped participating in group texts with my friends because the question of my job hunt might come up. It is for the same reason I avoid relatives.

My simple question to the community is this: Why should a person like me continue to live? Isn't the best option for such a person is to end it?
P.S: I am not going to go through with it because: (1) I can't do that to my family, (2) I'm too much of a coward.
You dont have to be in a relationship unless you want one. Interviews are not fun either. Maybe working is out of the question for you and you will he a candidate for disability. It makes sense that you would stop group texting to avoid subjects of work. I think that's common. I've done that and cut friends off for years because my career was non existent or my children hated me and my marriage was shit. Since this is a pro life site, members are encouraging and going to try to help you, but only if you can try. We have all been where you are.
 

Anonymous ID

Well-Known Member
#32
There are real bad people out there and by the sounds your not one of them. Your just sick and scared. Time heals, you'll face your fears one day. You just got to figure out a way of confronting your fears that works for you. But because you have these fears doesn't mean you deserve to die, it just means you have more to deal with than others. It's unfair but you'll feel good about yourself when you overcome them, and you'll be stronger than everyone else for having dealt with it
 

Please Donate to Help Keep SF Running

Total amount
$45.00
Goal
$255.00
Top