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Birthdays, Depression and Suicide - How to cope up?

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#1
Does anyone feel anxious, more depressed, and tired in general during the upcoming days of their birthday?

My birthday is coming up in a couple days and I have no idea how to cope with it. I have this crippling fear in my heart regarding my future and I just can't bear to be present on my birthday.

So, I was supposed to be dead by this time, but considering that I'm still very much alive, I just don't know how to get past this silly birthdate. All I want to do is be left alone in my room for the whole day and not hear a single happy birthday wish from anyone, but instead, I'm supposed to go to school, come back to the house, possibly cut a cake and discuss my 'marvelous' day, and answer those happy birthday wishes with a gigantic smile on my face and pass out thank you's every couple of minutes.

The thought of living through my 17th birthday is so daunting that it completely paralyzes me. I'm afraid of my actions because I have noticed an increase in my self harm pattern. I've been crying myself to sleep every single night only to wake up even more depressed than before.

Is there any way out of this? Any way to cope up with my upcoming birthday?

Thank you everyone in advance!
 
#2
I personally hate and dread my birthdays and wish they can be over as soon a possible, I not quite sure why but I think it has something me being so depressed on the day I should be most happy.

A way to cope is by pretending its just like any other day which it kinda is and don't let other people get you down. Anyway I hope this birthday is different for you and you end up enjoying it. Good Luck.
 
#3
I personally hate and dread my birthdays and wish they can be over as soon a possible, I not quite sure why but I think it has something me being so depressed on the day I should be most happy.

A way to cope is by pretending its just like any other day which it kinda is and don't let other people get you down. Anyway I hope this birthday is different for you and you end up enjoying it. Good Luck.
Yeah, I totally get the part where you're supposed to be happy on the birthday but you're actually depressed.

Anyways, thank you so much for your reply! It's helpful to realise that I'm not the only one in this kinda strange situation.
 

Nick

☆☆Ducking Fantastic ☆☆
Staff member
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#4
I am not a personal fan of birthdays, holidays, or any special day really. There's something about knowing that all those people wishing you a "Happy Birthday" having zero idea the turmoil boiling inside you. That's how it is for me anyway. The past few years I've tried to plan something not related to those days. Like for Christmas last year I watched a movie marathon with my brother. For my Birthday this year I'm planning to go to my favorite hiking spot, alone, and spend the day exploring. This way I don't have to focus on the day and try, however feebly, to forget the purpose of that day. I'm not sure if that's something you can do, but even if only for a few hours you can go and do something it might help.
 

Walker

Admin-a-monkey
Staff member
ADMIN
SF Social Media
SF Supporter
#6
I'm really sorry that you feel crap about your birthday. You've made it 17 of them. Maybe it's time to start looking ahead at the future. :) Just a thought.
 
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