Greetings all. I am a little late to the conversation, but hope my contributions helpful. Your indulgence in appreciated, as I find sharing therapeutic. A code word is almost necessary, and still often too little. It seems to me, while it occurs, that my being a foul monster is hint enough there must be something off. How though, is one to shrug off such directed albeit temporary hatred? I recognize the difficulty in dealing with this, dealing with me while this occurs, and fault none their inability to cope. Very few have held with me through the years and who can blame them? Touch is one of the most helpful tools, it reaffirms the emotional connection, and in fact the very existence of the person dealing with one in a low of BPD, but the struggle there... As a.. visual aid, this is what that requires I ask of my friends or lovers; approach a pacing, snarling man, his fists clenching and releasing, barrel chested, six feet tall and 200 pounds, trained in violence, with a visage not out of place in American History X, whom likely has spent the previous hour or more verbally dissecting your words in... terrible ways, and hug him, or hold his hand, touch his face or shoulder. Never mind that you know him to be unfailingly gentle to animals, women, and children, that you've never known him to raise those large hands without physical provocation, that during lighter times his discussions are toward the betterment and empowerment of all. In those dark moments I am asking those I love to approach a seemingly rabid bear, and touch it. How to begrudge some reticence? We the broken seem to attract one another, so my wife, with her own struggles, tries, tries to understand and to help, and to hold this quaking beast when that is the cure, but what a thing to ask! The worst she must endure is just a look, I am able with her usually to hold my tongue, I've learned to recognize my symptoms, if not always quite early enough, but what a terrible look to endure. In those moments, that look contains decades of rage and hatred, blame and haughtiness. She's only been around for five years, but for that look she is the origin of all the suffering. The woman is a saint for trying at all. The point, I think, is that even the tools are difficult to employ, useful as they are. When she makes it through the... Terror? And gets to the touch I usually melt, often cry, always apologize and thank her, because that monumental effort is what this disorder asks of others, of those cursed to love us. I would advise those in similar straights, to utilize the upswing, and lavish love, affection, and compliments on everyone around you, because the withdrawal from that emotional bank always takes it near the red.